Mass Effect: Logical Insanity Part 2
by ougabouga
Summary: The conclusion of the Logical Insanity saga. What if the Council took the Reaper threat seriously? What if Cerberus didn't become a galactic superpower overnight? What if someone else on the Normandy liked Gilbert and Sullivan?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The dream was the same. The same flurry of images of the porthean holocaust. Then a human. Trapped in a small room. Lined with plain paneling and a computer console, with displays written in vaguely familiar script. Then the room opened up and she found herself in a vast coliseum, facing the night sky, surrounded by a wall of encroaching flames. Hovering above her was a Reaper. The Reaper activated its main weapon. About to fire. Then the two spoke, speaking in gibberish. The Reaper's weapon powered down. The Reaper flew away, flying into a lake of fire that was above them in the sky. The flames surged forward, converging on the person until it was consumed in flames.

She awoke. The dream, the same dream, was over. She was awake now. She much preferred the immolation in her dreams to the dull, endless agony of the waking word. She reached beside her, hoping against all there would be a warm body next to hers. But she knew there wouldn't be even before her fingers grasped empty air.

She got out of bed and stepped towards her bedroom window. She peered out, watching shuttles flying by. A few buildings were covered by scaffolding, still repairing the work done by Sovereign's attack. Her apartment was almost empty. She had a bed, a sofa, a cheap vid screen and dinner table set. Barely the basics. Her walls were plain, not even adorned by generic wallpaper. Her tiled floor had no carpets of rugs. The only item of comfort was a crappy acoustic guitar, leaning against a wall across her sofa. It was gathering dust, but she never spent much time here.

She showered. The warm water failing to enliven her. After showering she put on her uniform. Everything was a chore. Even her Duncan Hills coffee failed to stimulate her. Today would be different. She had a job to do. Well, she'd always had a job. But today, she had an actual assignment. It was a great relief. Anything to distract her from the boredom of waiting for the mission to continue. Having to reread her report from the Bahak mission. Of course, nothing could stop her thinking of Ashley.

* * *

She met Traynor, Liara and Dr. Chandra in a meeting room they'd rented for the day. They all stood when she came in. She shook hands with the doctor. Liara gave her a restrained hug. She was shocked how Liara's hug made her feel. The warmth that spread through her. Another reminder of how much she missed Ashley. Traynor stood away from her, her hands behind her back, like she was afraid of her.

To make it worse, they asked her how she was doing. She mumbled a response and sat down at the conference table. Traynor had ordered some catering, a fruit and vegetable tray along with some coffee. Her favourite, Duncan Hills. She inhaled the aroma, expecting the fine vapours to spread warmth through her but nothing happened. She sipped. The familiar, long-loved flavour was somehow lacking.

She sat down, and together they started going through troves of Prothean data both old and new. She translated. While what she translated was largely tedious, it felt good to have her mind stimulated, focused on a task rather than waiting. A distraction from her pain and constant headaches. Prothean script was highly efficient, each character was unique, it left no room for ambiguities or possibilities for typographical errors. In English, a straight vertical line could be mistaken for the number '1', or an uppercase 'I' or a lowercase 'l'. Prothean had no such problems.

Though they still found their quest for understanding frustrated. Though she knew the words, she didn't always know what the words referred to. She had no cultural reference point. She read a word which came out as Tooshinnah. She could not tell what this word referred to. It could be a weapon, a tool, a planet, a piece of clothing or a person. She couldn't discern the context, either. This was important on many levels. She'd deciphered a text and they had no idea what it meant. _The tulomorian spy entered the enemy's camp and said to the vanksher 'I didn't know your parnaps could glow._ ' Was this a joke? A fable? An excerpt from a historical or fictional work? They could never know.

Most of what they read through were written at the time of the Reaper genocide. The texts recording the endless death and the depths of madness they succumbed to. Kara wondered aloud if the Reapers had deliberately done this. Leaving just enough information for the races to fear the coming of the next Cycle but eradicating any data that might proof useful in combating the Cycles.

"Psychological warfare. Doesn't sound like something a machine would do." Traynor said.

"Why not? You don't have to feel emotions to be able to learn how to exploit them." Kara said. "Psychopaths and sociopaths don't experience emotions but are good at manipulating other people's emotions."

"Maybe the Reapers do feel emotions, on a level we do not understand." Liara said. "Differing lifespans influences how we process emotions. How we process our emotions differs from how salarians or humans process theirs. Perhaps it's similar with the Reapers."

"But they're machines. They can't experience emotions." Dr. Chander said.

"That we know of." Traynor said. "How can we make that assumption? We know next to nothing about the Geth, and even less about the Reapers."

Kara looked away from the datapad and at the opposite wall. The wall was plain, green wall paper with only a generic alien landscape painting.

"I wonder…" She said. "What it would be like if a machine were to go insane?"

A hushed silence was her answer.

"Why would you want to know?" Dr. Chandra asked. "These things are monstrous."

"On Illos, the VI I talked to said we have to defeat the Reapers, not understand them. How can you defeat something you don't understand? It's impossible. If they invade, we don't stand a chance if we fight them militarily. Millions of years of ashes tells us this. The only way to defeat them is to understand them. Once we understand them, we can learn their weaknesses."

"Maybe," Traynor advanced, "There would be some kind of logic to it, but twisted or pursued to an absurd end. Reducito ad absurdum."

"Logical insanity." Kara said, remembering their first debriefing about the Prothean ziggurat.

During the meeting she noticed Dr. Chandra kept glancing towards Liara. Liara pretended not to notice, but she did not seem to mind. It was...cute. Traynor kept glancing her way too. But she always looked away when Kara turned her head towards her. She could see the concern and apprehension masquerading behind her professionalism. When she looked back at her, Samantha didn't avert her gaze. Kara saw the warmth and compassion in those eyes. But she was fine. Why couldn't everyone see that?

They adjourned their meeting hours later, having eaten and drank their way through the catering. The work had allowed her headache to shrink to the background but they were all tired. Dr. Chandra asked Liara to accompany him to dinner which Liara accepted, a hint of a smile on her face. Kara and Samantha stayed behind to clean up. They said nothing as they disposed of their rubbish and gathered their datapads. This was the first time they'd been alone since the mission to Aratoht. There was a heavy silence, and Kara found Samantha was still avoiding looking at her.

"Listen, Kara," Samantha said when they finished cleaning. She stiffened and gritted her teeth. "I'm sorry about..." She trailed away. "I hope you don't blame me."

"You're not the one I blame." Kara said. Samantha looked at her for first time, not looking away. She saw Samantha's eyes glaze over with...was that pity? _Don't you dare look at me like that._

"Look, If you ever need to talk to someone, we're here for you." She said.

"Thanks, but I'm fine." She answered. They left the room together. _You're here. But for how long? You're here for me until you'll end up dead, at the worst possible time._

"Any plans?" Traynor asked.

"Not really. Just hang out in my flat." She made sure to answer in such a way that made clear company wasn't welcome.

"Well…okay. But if you change your mind, give me a shout." Traynor said as they parted. Kara gave her a perfunctory goodbye. _Maybe I should do something_. There wasn't much work she could do right now. Her headaches were increasing in intensity. No matter how many aspirin pills she shoved down her throat, they didn't make a difference.

* * *

It was still something of a relief to get back to her apartment. She played the guitar and lost herself for a time but her headache continued to gnaw at her. Maybe she should've taken Traynor's invitation to go out. Her Omni-Tool buzzed suddenly. It was Jack calling her.

"Yeah." She answered. _What does she want?_

"Hey, what's up." Jack said. Something was off about her voice. She didn't answer for several seconds.

"Hey, you there or what?" Jack said. _Christ, she's drunk._

"What do you want?"

"I wanna hang out." Jack said. Kara sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Why?" Kara asked.

"Fuck you mean why?" Jack said. "Figure you could use a good time."

She looked at the guitar on her lap and then around her empty apartment. Maybe she could do with some time away, something to distract her, if only to bury her headache in the back of her mind.

"Okay, fine." Kara said. "Do you know where I'm staying?"

"Yeah, I'm in the lobby already"

She buzzed Jack in. She wasn't looking forward to this, but it was a change of routine. Even with how much she'd worked these past few weeks, she was miserable. Something far beyond miserable. Maybe some good would come of this. Maybe she would actually manage to have fun. She greeted Jack and let her in. She was wearing a form fitting outfit that left little to the imagination. She did have a nice body but she was so heavily tattooed that they counteracted whatever attraction one might feel to her form, but Kara suspected this was intentional. She was letting her hair grow, a black layer of peachfuzz covering her head. She was swigging from a nearly empty bottle of bourbon and her breath stank of the noxious drink. Kara felt a disturbing tingle in the back of her throat.

"Want some?" Jack offered the bottle. Kara pushed her hand away and turned away from her. Jack walked in, closing the door behind her. "I don't drink."

"Fine. More for me." Jack swigged, her balance less than assured. "Wait, you don't drink? How the fuck do you have fun?"

"I have my own ways." Kara said, she crossed her arms, already regretting her rash decision to let her in.

"Yeah, I'll bet you do." Jack said, giving her a knowing look. Kara rolled her eyes. _I didn't mean it like that._

"So, what did you wanna do?" Kara said.

"I figured we could go to the Purgatory. Only after you change, though. Those clothes are fucking lame. You look like shit."

Kara realized she was wearing the same set of baggy clothes she usually wore. Maybe she should dress up for a change, maybe it would help her feel better.

"Okay. Lemme shower and change and shit." She said.

Jack sat down on the sofa, spreading her legs on the sofa. "Sure you don't want my help?" She said with a lecherous wink, downing some more bourbon.

"Screw you." Kara said. _Why am I doing this? Jack and I barely get along. But maybe a bad night out is better than another night in. What's the worst thing that could happen? I have to deal with her stupid drunk antics and shitty club music for a while, then come back here for some shut-eye. It can't be worse than Hell Month during N7 training. Sure beats doing nothing._

She showered and changed into an outfit of a loose fitting tank and skirt. It took her a while to realize this was the same outfit she and Ashley had gone out clubbing. She didn't bother with makeup. She was out to kill time, not win fashion awards or get laid.

"Lookin' good for once." Jack said when she came out of her bedroom. Her eyes briefly looked her up before locking on her bottle. She drank the last of it and let the bottle fall to the floor.

"Pick it up." Kara said, staring at her.

"It's just-" Jack started to object.

"I said pick it up. Don't leave that kind of trash in my place."

"What's your fucking problem?" Jack said as she sat up and grabbed the empty bottle. "No, don't answer. We'll be here all fucking week. Let's go."

Jack linked her free arm with hers. Being this close, Jack reeked of booze. She hated the smell. For two reasons. It reminded her of the youth she spent drowning in the abyss of her addictions. The other part was the smell was still enticing to her. No matter how many memories she had of selling her body or being tortured by withdrawal or the burning fire of her self-loathing, there was still something enticing. She remembered the sweet rush of drugs and booze, the bliss of a high, the ecstasy of intoxication. It was a part she had to fight every day. In the war against her own addiction, there was no time for shoreleave or leaves of absence. She was exhausted. But she still had many more miles to go before she'd earned her sleep.

The club was pulsating with loud music, the pulsating base felt like her temples were being banged y a dozen tiny hammers. They turned some heads. Or, Jack turned some heads. If any looked at her it was an afterthought, she was dull and prosaic next to Jack's singular appearance. Jack continued to hold her arm and headed straight for the bar. Jack ordered two shots of bourbon. Kara ordered flavoured ice water.

Jack shook her head. "You're so fucking lame. Lighten up."

Kara ignored the comment. She didn't have to justify herself to Jack, and this certainly wasn't the right place to have a serious conversation. The barkeeper served them their drinks. Jack drowned both shots of bourbon before Kara began sipping from her water.

"Let's go." Jack grabbed her arm and led her onto the dancefloor, leaving her drink behind. She almost tripped and pulled her arm back. _Why did I agree to this?_

Jack found a spot and started dancing, gyrating her body in time to the music. Jack lost herself, closing her eyes and wildly moving her body. Kara floundered, moving her hips and shoulders. She didn't know how to dance and it showed. She stuck out. She felt inadequate, as if she were intruding in a place she didn't belong. Ashley had managed to make her dancing ineptitude something to revel in, to laugh at. Here and now, the effect was the opposite. She stayed close to Jack because she didn't know what else to do. She reminded herself she was here to have fun.

Jack suddenly remembered she was here. Her eyes opened and met Kara's. Jack smiled. She knelt forward, her mouth near Kara's ear. She could almost taste the alcohol on her breath. "Relax. Let me show you."

Jack grabbed Kara's hands on placed them on her waist. Her skin was hot but she felt no affinity touching her bare flesh. She felt like a hooked fish being reeled in. But she didn't feel like resisting. At the end of the line was the chance to feel something other than pain. Jack's arms wrapped around her and their bodies were close. Jack started gyrating her hips and she eventually matched her dance partner's rhythm. _This kinda feels goods._ Jack smiled and leaned her face forward.

"That's better." She said into Kara's ear. Jack licked her ear.

Before she knew what was happening, Jack's mouth covered hers, her tongue shoving it's way inside her mouth. She was about to push her away. _Booze! I can taste her booze! I can't have it but I want it! I need it!_ She didn't push Jack away, instead she desperately held Jack close and tried to drink from her mouth. She tasted only the lingering aftertaste, but that was enough to disarm her caution. She was in a desert, desperately trying to squeeze a drop of water out of an empty waterskin. _I_ _Know it's bad but I need it! I need it! I need it! I need it!_

* * *

She awoke and her hand reached out and felt a warm body. She snuggled up to the sleeping body next to hers. Ash was alive, it was just a bad dream. The body felt different somehow, but she'd just woken up, still drowsy. "Love you, Ashley." She murmured. The body tensed and pushed her away. Kara opened her eyes and saw Jack's naked body scrambling to get away from her.

"Oh fuck." She said, no longer sleepy.

Jack stood and walked away from the bed, she walked towards the window, leaning on the frame and peering outside. The light from the window framed her naked, tattooed body in an odd way. Like she was a deformed icon. She was breathing hard, trying to hold her anger in.

"I'm sorry, Jack." She said, not knowing what else to say.

Jack didn't answer. Kara felt ashamed. From their ill-fated dalliance, to what she'd just done. Jack was right to be mad. She would accept whatever castigation Jack sent her way for she deserved it _. I should've gone out with Traynor._ Jack turned and started putting on her clothes. Kara could think of nothing to say and avoided looking at her. It was probably for the best. Whatever she would say would be insulting and banal, and would tear the tenuous bonds of restraint holding Jack back. Jack left her alone. Had her apartment an old-fashioned door, it would've slammed shut.

She got out of bed, stepping over her discarded clothes from the previous night. She went to the washroom. She filled the sink with cold water and splashed her face once the basin had been filled. With Jack gone she realized she had a dry, sour taste in her mouth. Like she was hungover, even though she hadn't drunk anything. _You're thirsty, aren't you?_ She looked at herself in the mirror. A billowing bile of self loathing built up in her throat. She punched her reflections. She cried out in pain, glass shards digging into her flesh, the sharp pain from her knuckles hitting the solid wall behind the mirror. Blood pooled into the sink, mingling with the water.

"Fuck." She screamed, looking at her bleeding hand, blood seeping out from many of the same scars she'd opened weeks earlier at Kaidan's funeral. She sunk her hand into the water, increasing the severity of the stinging pain. Ashley wasn't here to help her. Tears distorted her vision and she couldn't stop them from rolling down her face, no more than she could stop the bleeding. She was alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She met Cmdr. Bailey in C-Sec's office. He was a man on the south side of middle age and his finely pressed uniform was in sharp contrast to the hard lines of his face. They shook hands. It was nice she had another job to do.

"Thanks for coming, Commander." He said and handed her a datapad. He noted the scarring and bandages on her hand. "You okay?" She nodded with more than a hint of irritation. Bailey gave a slight shrug and spoke. "We have recording devices so you just need to get them talking. Taylor's been pleasant but uncooperative. The other one, she's only half as smart as she thinks she is and she's arrogant, wants to wave her alleged superiority in your face. My interrogators are playing her like a fiddle. She keeps giving us bits and pieces that will add up soon enough. But damn, that one is colder than a phone call from my ex-wife."

She read the datapads. Taylor's file had no new information. Miranda's physical caught her attention. _Extensive genetic modification …Well above average biotic strength…subject is infertile due to genetic modification. Unable to determine if this was intended by author of genetic modification…Above average intelligence… Preliminary Psychological evaluation presents many commonalities with victims of parental abuse…_ _DNA 98% match with Henry Lawson (MIA)…_

"So, who's Henry Lawson?" She asked. They made their way towards the holding cells.

"Former Spec-Ops operative." Bailey said. "Service records are classified. Was in the forces 8 years and went AWOL one day and that's apparently the last anyone's heard of him."

"Until now." She said.

"Yep." Bailey answered. "We don't know much about them other than their operating structure and their leader is the Illusive Man." Bailey used air quotes around the name 'Illusive Man' and made a face. Kara laughed. It wasn't particularly funny, but she'd had so little to laugh about lately her soul was desperate for any faint scent of humour.

They passed by the holding cells. They were all occupied but most had no activate barriers. The people inside them were lying on the bunks. Asleep. Some had medical equipment hooked up to them.

"What's up with these?" She said.

"Haven't been following the news, huh? Well, about a month ago a nasty shipment of Red Sand came in, somehow. We've been picking up bodies ever since. We're holding the stable cases here since the hospitals are too full."

"Bodies?" She said. _What have I done?_

"Yeah. Just shy of a hundred, so far. We're able to save a good number of those that OD. Had this one guy last week, you shoulda seen it." He started to a chuckle. "A volus convinced he was some kind of biotic god. One of my guards had the bright idea to upload his footage to the extranet and it went viral. Then when he sobered up, he got himself a lawyer and know he's suing us."

She stopped walking and stared at a victim in the nearest cell. A teenage boy. Shorter than her, hadn't even grown out of pimples. She put him here. All of them. And the dead. How many mothers and sisters, brothers and fathers, sons and daughters were bereaved because of her? How many had died, had suffered because of her intransigence? Her principles? What did her honour, her pride matter next to these victims? Would the relatives of the victims care for her principled refusal? She knew the answer to that. The drell had been right. _Maybe Ashley would still be alive if I'd taken the deal. Fuck._

"You okay, Commander?" Bailey sad. "You kinda zoned out there."

She nodded and tried to push the guilt away. "Let's go."

They passed by Miranda's cell. She would have been happy to ignore her, but Miranda called out to her. She was sitting on a simple chair. Her cell was sparsely, but comfortably, furnished. She had a chair, a bed with a mattress, even had a vid screen. It was the opposite of how she and all her nameless peers had been imprisoned. She looked well enough, her nose was slightly crooked and there was some bruising on her face, still. Her clothes were standard prisoner-issue, drab and worn. She was only partially diminished in appearance, and it was almost an injustice that the architect of such barbarism was treated so humanely.

"Well, hello, Commander." She said.

Kara said nothing and looked at her.

"How's your hearing?" Miranda said with an exaggerated whisper, a grin inching upwards on her unnatural face.

Kara approached the cell, slowly. A barrier kept them well apart. The only daggers exchanged would be metaphorical, much to their mutual disappointment.

"How's your nose?" Kara said, her voice cold.

Miranda's smile was instantly wiped off her face. Cmdr. Bailey laughed. It was a hearty laugh, the laugh of a man who'd known struggles and unhappiness, and thus could appreciate a good joke all the more. Kara couldn't hide the small amount of glee she felt.

"Alright, come on, let's go." He led her to another hallway, his humour satiated for the moment.

"We had them as neighbors originally." Bailey said. "But they kept yapping at each other so we had to move them apart."

"What were they yelling at each other about?" She said.

"With how vicious she was, I'd bet my alimony it's an ex-lover's quarrel." He said. _That's interesting._ "And Taylor? He gave as good as he got."

They came to Taylor's cell. He was on the floor, doing one-armed push-ups. He was wearing an undershirt and boxers, his clothes hanging on his bunk, his muscles flexed impressively. Seeing them, he nodded. He completed one last rep and stood, rising effortlessly. Sweat dripping from his brow he grabbed a towel and wiped himself.

"I'll leave you alone." Bailey excused himself.

"It's good to see you, Commander." He said. He put a shirt on and sat down on his chair.

"If you say so." Shepard said. "They tell me you refuse to talk to anyone other than myself."

"Or Lt. Williams." He said. Her jaw stiffened at the mention of her name. _Focus, for fuck's sake! Focus!_

"Well, she…." Kara's throat tightened, and she couldn't finish what she had to say. Taylor's face showed he knew what she was trying to say.

"I'm sorry, Commander." Taylor said. "I didn't know her like you did, but she was an amazing woman. The way your crew responded to her when she took charge. True leadership. It reminded me of why I joined the service."

Kara nodded and did her best to push her thoughts away. _Focus._ Her fists were clenched tight, her entire body taught like a rope. She breathed in and out and managed to find some degree of calm.

"Did it also remind you of why you left?" She said.

He looked pensive. "Yeah." He responded. "If there were more officers like you, like her, I wouldn't have left."

"What made you leave?" She said.

He sighed. "You've read my file?" She nodded. "The turians waged war against us for a bullshit reason. How were we supposed to know relays were off limits? My father died in that war. We fought hard, we fought honourably, even if those tight asses won't admit it. And when it was over, it was made out to be our fault. And we had to serve with those same people who think opening fire in a first contact situation is the right thing to do."

He paused to grab a drink of water from his sink. She said nothing, knowing it was best to let him continue. "Maybe this turian I'm saluting is the one who killed my father. Why should I treat them with respect if they didn't treat us with respect? I got tired of eating bird shit, so I left. I found a group of people who wanted what was best for humanity, who didn't want to compromise, who valued my skills and experience. And there you meet someone, you fall in love. Then you fall out of love, but you keep working together because you both want the same thing."

He looked down at the ground for some time before looking back up at Shepard. "I'm not one to blindly follow. Loyalty has to be earned, otherwise it's not a virtue. That's what got me kicked out of the Alliance. And it's why I'm talking to you now, why I talked with Lt. Williams. I always had my doubts about Cerberus. Nothing's perfect, right? It wasn't until I talked with Lt. Williams. Someone who came from the same place as I, that I realized wanting what's best for humanity doesn't mean we have to trample over everyone else. It made it harder to justify the things I've done."

He drank more from his water cup. "So, I'm going to help you, Shepard. You want to know what we were up to? I'll tell you everything I know." Shepard was all ears.

"My other partners in the cell were Miranda and Allers." She nodded. "For a long time we were focused on cybernetic implants, nanotechnology, anything to improve humanity's potential. About 6 months ago, our focus changed. We picked up word of an abandoned mine in the Minos Wasteland that had something worth looking into. We checked it out, barely made it out alive. The miners had been turned to husks by a device they'd unearthed. We made a deal with the Shadow Broker and we learned about the Reapers. The device released spores of the Reaper virus. Since the colony was only human, we thought we'd test it against other species. See how they reacted, if we could make humans more resistant. It took us a while, but we were able to replicate it."

Taylor drank some more water and sat down. He swallowed with some difficulty.

"Miranda had the idea to kidnap test subjects. She told me they were volunteers. It didn't take me long to figure out that was a lie. All those people…seeing what they were before, and after… No one deserves that. You look at those husks, you look in their eyes. And, they're not totally dead. It's like there's this little part of them still left, this little flicker, that remembers what it was to be alive. And this little part is screaming as loud as it can, but nothing can hear it." He shook his head and bowed his head in shame. "I wish I remembered their names. But there were so many. What you found there, that's just a fraction of what we did. After they mutated, we did some tests and dumped their bodies in an incinerator."

"Miranda got her hands on your reports from your mission against Saren. She got the idea that getting our hands on some Prothean artifacts might help us. We made a deal to retrieve one, and that's when we met. Miranda and Allers decided to test the virus on Omega. A perfect place for an experiment like that. Big transit hub. Lots of aliens. Lax controls. No authorities to worry about. You know what happened next. I figure Allers went to check out what went wrong when she ran into you."

He sighed. "I don't know much else. I know Cerberus has a main base, but I don't know where it is. I can tell you Miranda's father is the Illusive Man. I know her well enough that I can tell when she's lying. Whenever she mentions the Illusive Man she tightens up. I figure there's some bad blood there."

"What are you going to do now?" She said.

"I've just given my confession. I'm going to answer for what I've done. When I get out… If I get out. I'd like to start over, start a family." He sighed. "So much for not living with any regrets."

Shepard thanked him and walked away from Taylor's cell. This had been most productive. Certainly more productive than going over old prothean data, waiting for the Normandy's repairs to be completed or going through the Bahak debriefing for the thirtieth time. She felt reinvigorated, and for the first time since Ashley's death, some satisfaction with her work.

She found herself before Miranda's cell. She was standing, just a few feet behind the barrier, as if she were waiting for her. The sense of satisfaction was gone. Replaced by something that was both colder and hotter at the same time. Miranda started darkly at her. She didn't know what she could get from this woman. Being professional was key, but it was very difficult to remain that way.

"Hello." Shepard said simply. _How should I address her? Miranda? Ms. Lawson? Cheerleader?_

"Well, Commander. Here to torture me by giving me more creature comforts? The only thing my cell is missing is a Jacuzzi." She said with customary smugness.

Kara gritted her teeth and felt her grip slipping away. "I guess it's a real shame daddy isn't here to tuck you in."

Miranda shut her eyes and her body shook ever so slightly. She breathed in and out a few times before she opened her eyes. Her usual arrogant and icy posture reappeared, but there was no hiding the pain behind her eyes. Kara didn't give her time to give a retort. "It must suck having a boyfriend dump you because for all your fake perfections, you can't even keep a loaf in the oven." Kara could see that one stung deep.

"I've heard Dead Shep has struck again." Miranda said, recovering with a smile that was gleefully sadistic.

Shepard glared at her. And she saw not just Miranda, but the nameless soldiers who mocked her at Kaidan's funeral. And no doubt were mocking her now. And everyone else who whispered that name behind her back. She fiddled with her Omni-Tool and deactivated the barrier. Miranda's body began to hint of her biotics activating, but she was too slow. Miranda had none of the training or reflexes of a soldier. And Kara used those to devastating effect.

She rushed towards Miranda and launched her fist in her face. Blood spurted from Miranda's nose. Her knuckles felt the satisfying crunch of bent cartilage. She didn't give Miranda time to recover from the first blow before she launched her next. With her wounded hand she grabbed Miranda's hair while her other fist connected with Miranda's cheekbone. Miranda was to fall down but Shepard's grip on her hair made her head bounce back up, right into Shepard's pummeling fist. Meekly, her hands wrapped around her head. Kara's assault didn't cease. Her fist rained down upon Miranda's face, like a flurry of fist-sized hammers.

Suddenly, someone was grabbing her from behind, locking her arms. She was dragged away. She thought she mouthed something about Miranda's father not being able to tuck her in. But she wasn't sure. She couldn't even hear herself. She found herself sitting on a chair in Bailey's office. Her heart was racing with adrenaline. And something else, something far darker. Something that grabbed the essence of her very soul and took it along a dark journey and a final destination. A destination that was perilously enticing. At the end of that journey, she would find herself looking through a mirror darkly. And she realized with horror what she'd done, how easily she'd surrendered to her baser instincts, the razor's edge she was balancing upon and the endless abyss below.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kara didn't know whether to feel relief or dread when she was summoned to Udina's office. She was told to wear her formal uniform. Had Bailey filed a report about her assault on Miranda? Maybe the Normandy was finally ready? Her knuckles hadn't fully healed and her wrists were still sore. Udina was also waiting in Anderson's office. They were both standing and the tense look on their faces left no doubt that they were far from relaxed. Apprehension increased.

"Commander," Anderson beckoned a conference table with his hand, "Let's have a seat." His eyes wore concern for her, not that different from how he looked at her after Kaidan's funeral. _I'm fine, dammit!_

"I'd prefer to stand, sir." She said.

"Very well." Anderson said after a brief silence. _Can we get this over with?_

"How are you feeling, Commander?" Anderson asked.

"Fine." She said with no small irritation. Anderson and Udina exchanged looks. Why was everyone babying her? She was a grown person, a Commander in the Alliance Navy and a Spectre. She could take care of herself. All she needed was to get back to work. The Reapers were far more important than her own petty troubles. The sooner the Reaper threat was vanquished, the sooner she could think about moving on and taking care of herself. _And if by chance I'm not fine, it's because I've spent the last month doing jack shit._

"The Normandy's repairs and upgrades are due to be completed later today." Anderson said. "The shielding and armour plating have been upgraded. New Thanix cannons have been installed. Traynor will give you all the specs." She nodded, she knew about all this, having been briefed on them a couple of weeks ago. The purpose of this meeting wasn't go over information they'd already gone through. It was to assess her.

"We want you to resume your mission, provided you're feeling up to the task." Udina said.

"Of course I am." She said curtly.

"Good." Anderson said, though she could tell he didn't believe her. Udina was more experienced at hiding his skepticism. "You can cast off as soon as you're ready."

Udina spoke. "Your orders are to continue with your mission. Find anything you can about the Reapers. Everyone with an AAA security clearance would like to know just what happened with the Geth. If you can establish some kind of contact with them… It would be a huge turning point in galactic politics, with us at the forefront."

Shepard nodded. It didn't take a doctorate in Intergalactic Political Science to know how big of a breakthrough this was. Especially for humanity's interests, but she was thinking beyond that. What did Tali think? No doubt the quarian Admiralty was aware. What was their reaction to the news? Why had the geth intervened on their behalf? She'd spent the entire hunt for Saren killing them. Why had there been nothing further from them?

"While Cerberus are…of interest," Udina began, his voice taking on a stern timber. "Do not become distracted by them. They are tangentially related to your mission. Once the Reaper threat is no more, we can deal with them. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." _Focus._

"Batarian attacks on Prothean relics in the Terminus appear to have stopped and there doesn't seem to be a unified response from the Hegemony. But take pains to avoid any batarian entanglements. They know the Normandy led the raid. They will not hesitate to fire upon you should their sights fall upon you. Regardless if their leadership knew about this project or not, they're pissed off and humiliated about their territory being violated and all the personnel and material they lost. They don't need to launch a full-scale war to cause a clusterfuck somewhere. And they know it."

Shepard nodded. "Understood, sir."

"Do you have any questions, Commander?" Udina asked. She shook her head.

Udina nodded. "Then good luck, Commander. You've done very well so far; I do not expect that to change. Dismissed."

* * *

She wasn't surprised to find Anderson accompanying her out of his office.

"Just how have you been holding up?" He asked.

"Okay, I guess." She said, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible.

"That's not what Commander Bailey told me." Her heart sank.

"I…lost control there. Just for a moment, that's all." She said.

"For a momentary loss of control you sure did a lot of damage." Anderson said. "She spent 6 hours in surgery getting her face put back together, suffered a second-degree concussion and the intel we've been tapping her for dried up. I'm tempted to ask HR to deduct the medical costs from your next paycheck."

"Sir…I…." She began.

"You can drop the sir." He said. They stopped walking and turned to face another. "You're the best person for this mission. But we need you as close to 100% as we can get you." He looked down at his feet then looked at her. "Look, I took your advice. Why don't you take mine?"

"What advice?" She said.

"Remember when you said I wasn't too old for love?" A hint of a smile appeared on his worn face. "Well, I met up with an old flame of mine. Khalee Sanders. We're...seeing another, just getting used to who are now, as opposed to who we were back then. Anyway," His smile vanished. "The people you serve with are more than just crewmates, they're friends. They want to help you, want to share your burden. They're your best hope, our best hope, for completing the mission. Don't push them away. As singular as you are, you can't do it all alone."

She nodded and thanked him, though the effect of his words was less than he hoped. She would be fine. The mission was too important to worry about petty... distractions. Had she pushed Ashley away like she'd pushed everyone else, she would be feeling better. She summoned the crew on her Omni-Tool. Cast off in 8 hours. After grabbing her gear from her apartment, she took the elevator down to the dockingbay. She wondered if Jack would show and then wondered which she would dislike more, her presence or her absence.

When the elevator opened onto the dockingbay she saw a familiar face waiting for her.

"Hello, Commander." Thane Krios said, as calm and polite as ever.

"What do you want? To rub my face in this Red Sand business?" She was in no mood for false pleasantries. "How do you work for someone like that? How do you sleep at night?"

"Commander, there's no need to be rude. I am merely a tool in the service of powers greater than I. Just like you."

"The Council's not perfect, but it's a helluva lot better than your Shadow Broker. The Council doesn't have hundreds of people killed to make a point."

"But had you accepted the original offer-"

"I would be in debt to the Broker. Just like you are." Thane's posture shifted ever so slightly. "I wonder what pull he has on you? It probably started with something small, then kept getting bigger and bigger until before you know it, you became trapped."

He said nothing but his posture shifted again. She felt like she was getting through to him.

"You're forgetting I grew up on the streets. I met a lot of people like the Broker and I learned the hard way to stay away. I freed myself from people like the Broker and promised to never make that mistake again. Whatever you're skilled at, it amounts to nothing if you're not free. Don't ever contact me again. Tell your boss I want nothing to do with him or any of his deals."

She walked away and towards the Normandy, feeling slightly better for herself. The Normandy had not just been repaired, but almost overhauled. It's wings were wider, fuselage longer. They were more housings for combat drones. The thanix cannons housed in its underbelly looked powerful, pitch black contrasted with the Normandy's pure white and blue fuselage, twin barrels each a foot wide, several meters in length. Had these been equipped when they'd set off for Aratoht, they've would've had an easier time. _And maybe Ashley might still be alive._

She boarded. A repair crew was still aboard, completing the last of the repairs. Mainly cosmetic, reinstalling bulkheads and paneling. She toured the ship. The cargobay was bigger, and it now housed a kodiac shuttle as well as the Mako. The medical lab had new equipment installed. Upon Dr. Chakwas' desk was a pristine bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy. She froze. Staring at it. The gently radiating blue liquid housed within an elegantly shaped bottle. It was beautiful and alluring. A handwritten note upon it. "To Dr. Chawkas. Your friend Liara." _I could use a drink now._ She thought staring at the bottle. Remembering how sweet the forbidden nectar tasted, the warmth as it travelled down her throat. Her body then shook, realizing what she was thinking. _Fuck, focus, Kara, focus!_ She bolted out of the medical bay. She didn't look behind her.

Instinctively she ran to her quarters. She was sweating and breathing hard, as if she'd just run at a full sprint for five miles, though she only traveled a few meters. Her quarters were undisturbed. Her smashed guitar was still on the ground, the jewellery box and wedding rings strewn on the floor, the sheets were tangled up, her combat armour strewn all about the room. The golden rings glittered brightly under the room's soft lights. Tears ran down her face, and she was powerless to stop them. She wept. She tried to hold it back, but the dam had burst and she only had broken twigs to shore up the breach. She grabbed the box, holding it with closed eyes she found the rings and shoved them in the box, she shut the lid and shoved it into her bedside table. With difficulty, she cleaned her quarters. It was impossible not to think of Ashley. She couldn't push thoughts of her aside, everything in this room was a reminder of her.

She waited in the docking bay, leaning on a guardrail, watching the other ships dock and undock, load and unload. She had to get away from the Normandy before they set off. She felt like a prisoner, enjoying one last day of freedom before a long sentence. One by one, her crew arrived, a few yeomen first. They saluted perfunctorily. They avoided looking at her. _What do they see? What do they think of me?_

She was surprised when she saw Lt. Vega approaching, hauling his combat gear.

"Commander." He said after he approached and they saluted. "Permission to come aboard?"

She frowned. "I didn't know you were assigned to me."

"I only requested it a couple of hours ago. Paperwork should be approved by now." She checked her Omni-Tool. Sure enough, she'd received an email minutes ago confirming the transfer.

"Why? I just got your squad killed."

"Ma'am, you didn't get them killed. The enemy did." _If I'd done a better job, the enemy would've killed less of them._

"Still doesn't explain why you want to be here."

"Commander, if anyone else was commanding that op, no one would've come back." He said, looking straight at her, and she wanted to look away but she couldn't, his eyes filled with fiery determination and something else. Compassion. "If I don't fight against the Reapers, my men and women died for nothing."

Many had told her of the past few weeks that she did the best she could, that most would've done worse, but they sounded like hollow platitudes. But he was there. He'd lost his entire squad and if he believed it, maybe there was some truth to it.

"Ok, welcome aboard." They saluted and shook hands. She watched him board the Normandy. It was good to have another squadmate. His skillset was a good replacement for Ashley. She shuddered and turned away, looking at the dockworkers on other docks. She breathed hard and fought to push back the tears, and for once succeeded. _Maybe, I'm getting better_ she thought to herself. _Yeah, right._

She was vaguely aware of the slow trickle of her crew coming aboard. They would head back into the Terminus systems, finish surveying the remaining prothean ruins. And then? Find a way to contact the Geth. Why had a single ship intervened, allowing their escape? Why had there been no other contact?

"Commander. Good to see you. Need to speak with you. Urgent matter. A bit of a favour, actually." Mordin came up to her. She turned to face him. He looked the same as ever.

"Sure thing." She said. "Listen, I'm sorry about Kirrahe."

"No need to apologize. Casualties inevitable given nature of mission. Have grieved in my own way. Now. Remember I told you about my old assistant. Maelon. Learned he was kidnapped by krogans on Tuchanka. Need to rescue. Fear the worst."

"When did you learn of this?" She said.

"Two days ago. Know Urdnot Wrex is personal friend. Believe this connection wilil prove fruitful." He said.

"Okay." She nodded. A salarian in krogan hands wouldn't last long. Especially a scientist working on the genophage. And it would be nice to see Wrex again, he couldn't make it to Ashley's funeral. Though he sent a member of his clan, Urdnot Grunt as representative. They barely exchanged pleasantries, but she hadn't been in a mood to talk that day. There was something odd about him. "We'll make for Tuchanka as soon as we head out."

"Thank you, Commander. Most appreciative."

Tali, Liara, Garrus and Joker later approached her all at once. They all asked how she was doing, and she said was fine, masking her annoyance. She wished people would stop fussing over her. She'd had a month off. It was well past time to get back to work. _I'm not important. The mission is._ She spoke with Joker the longest to assure him she didn't hold him responsible for Ashley's death. He accepted her word.

She boarded the Normandy. The Normandy felt different. With the new modifications, everything from the leather seating to the new paneling to the new weapons made it feel like a different ship. She was going over the modifications with Traynor and didn't notice the passage of time. They were ready to leave. Jack hadn't shown up yet. She was 20 minutes' overdue. _Too late, too bad._

"Okay, let's cast off." She ordered.

"Sorry Commander, but we're about to be boarded by a psycho woman." Joker said.

Shepard sighed and made way for the airlock. Jack came aboard. She was starting to let her hair grow, but beyond that her appearance was unchanged. Jack didn't look at her and made to walk around her. Shepard stepped directly in her way. The entire bridge would be able to see and hear their confrontation, though they pretended to be busy.

"You're 20 minutes late. Why?" Shepard said.

Jack stared at her. Her eyes filled with petulant anger.

"I don't answer to you." Jack said.

"This is my ship. Everyone answers to me. Doesn't matter if you're military or not. If you can't meet a basic deadline, it means I can't rely on you. Which means you don't belong on this ship."

Shepard let her words sink in. Jack looked upon her angrily. Like a child being resentful of receiving a scorning. But she needed this, if not for her growth as a person then so she could function on this ship. Shepard could see her words gradually impacting on the woman. "So, Jack, can I rely on you?"

"Yeah." She said, looking very mad with the public dressing down. She let Jack through.

"Joker. Cast off and make for Tuchanka. It's time we visit an old friend."

"Aye ma'am." He said. The Normandy's engines warmed up and the docking clamps released. This much was familiar at least. It was good to be back on duty, to have a mission. For she had many more miles to go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

She took Mordin, Liara and Vega with her to Tuchanka. Even though they were under Wrex' protection, bringing a salarian with them was provocative. Had she brought Garrus as well they would be risking even more ire that even Wrex might not be able to protect them.

To look upon Tuchanka from above was to be a voyeur to misery. The land was parched, a patchwork of towering rubble. It was impossible to determine what the piles had been originally. Whether they once belonged to vast temples or coliseums' or shrines or just a humble home, even time had forgotten. Streets and boulevards were swallowed by time and dust. The seas were parched hollows, only a few small lakes and ravines remained. Settlements formed around these bodies. But these were hoarded over by warlords, eager to exact a toll for the only resource on Tuchanka that still mattered. Blood often spilled, contaminating what few sources were left.

The home of Clan Urdnot was a compound surrounded a source that fed one of larger rivers. Walls made from old vehicles and unidentifiable detritus created a perimeter. Mismatched AA turrets provided air defense. Several krogans paced upon on makeshift ramparts on sentry duty. Dozens of Tomka trucks were parked out in the open. A small building, barely standing, stood at the centre of the compound. She didn't doubt that the bulk of this 'facility' lay underground.

The shuttle landed among the Tomka trunks. It might have once descended from a majestic vehicle, but was now little more than an eyesore. They were unsymmetrical, an ugly fusion of mismatched parts that barely worked. Mobile turrets dotted the chassis, but it made the vehicle even more unbalanced. They looked sturdy enough, but they had no aesthetic value. Like the planet that had claimed it. 2 korgans waited for them, one of them was Grunt. The other she didn't recognize, he was older, his carapace scarred in sharp contrast to Grunt's pristine skin.

"Welcome to the home of Clan Urdnot, Shepard." Grunt said. She thanked him as they left the shuttle. when Mordin stepped off, the other krogan pulled out his weapon, pointing his Claymore directly at Mordin. Shepard and her team raised their weapons. Now, dozens of armed krogans milling about the compound turned their weapons on Shepard and her team. Tense silence reigned. Only Grunt didn't raise his weapon.

"You've got a lot of nerve bring a salarian here, human." The other krogan said. Grunt stepped in front of him, inches separating their scowling faces.

"Put the gun down." Grunt said.

"Silence! Tank, you have not earned the right to-" The korgan's tirade was interrupted by Grunt head butting him. The krogans growled and bared their teeth at another.

"Wrex has granted sanctuary." Grunt said. "If you do not like it Wreav, your clan will need to find fertile females somewhere else. And the lives of your hostages forfeit."

Wreav backed away, holstering his weapon. The other krogans in the compound did the same, and resumed sentry duties. He did not cease glaring at them, focusing particularly upon the salarian. Mordin was unperturbed by the antipathy, he'd faced far worse than an angry krogan. They walked towards the main building. Entering past jagged steel doors. The inside was a mismatched patchwork of slabs of metal, steel and concrete, hastily stuck together with omni-gel. Computer stations were manned, though clearly older models, the view screens lacking some colours and flickering.

"Who is he?" Shepard asked as they boarded a grille-encased elevator downwards. It creaked and growled under protest as it took them deeper under the surface. The elevator shaft was dug into the bedrock. The ground was various sickly shades of orange and yellow. As they descended, the ground took on fuller, healthier-looking tones of black and brown.

"Wrex' cousin. There is some tension between them." Grunt said. "Wreav feels he should be clan leader."

"Why did he call you tank?" She said. Grunt tensed. She regretted asking the question, but after a terse silence he answered.

"I am tank born. Warlord Okeer bred me. The first and only survivor among a batch of hundreds. They think I'm unnatural and thus not a true krogan." He scoffed at the end of his answer.

"Who's Okeer?" She said.

"A scientist. Trying to cure the genophage by getting around it. It's not working." He said. "I am inflicted with it. It's our insidious curse. We were cursed for a reason, but not the one other krogans think."

"What reason is that?" She said as the elevator reached the bottom with a loud and rather disconcerting bump, almost knocking them off their feet. Shepard and her team gladly stepped off the elevator, following Grunt down winding tunnels. Their boots treaded on broken concrete and stale dust. The walls were littered with elaborate skeins of cracks. It was a wonder the roof haven't caved in.

"We were cursed with the genophage because we could not control ourselves. We must learn to channel our aggression positively. Until then, we do not deserve to be cured of the genophage. We should look to rebuild ourselves rather than looking to destroy others."

He spoke with wisdom beyond his ears. She regretted not making his acquaintance at Ashley's funeral. But, that hadn't been the best time.

"How old are you?" She asked.

"I was born from the tank 6 months ago. Biologically, I am close to 20 years old. I have yet to undergo my proving." She assumed this was coming of age ritual.

"You speak very well for one so young." Liara said.

"It is a product of my breeding. The tank taught me arts both intellectual and martial." Grunt said as they jumped past a large hole in the ground.

"You must find it difficult to fit in with other krogans?" Liara asked.

"Indeed." Grunt said with some bitterness. They stepped past an open doorway. Shepard saw a few krogans gathered around a central figure, seated. They approached the gathering. As they neared she could make out their conversation.

"I will lead your clan to glory Uvenk, whether you like it or not." She heard a familiar voice.

"Wrex." She called out.

"Shepard!" Wrex responded. The other krogans stopped their petitioning and were parted by Wrex shoving past them. "My friend." He grasped her arms in his powerful hands and shook. She felt like giving him a hug and realized how much she missed him.

"Good to see ya, pijak." He said as he roughly tapped her shoulders.

"Good to see you, too." She said, beaming.

The other krogans saw the salarian and growled at him. Wrex turned to them.

"These are my friends and guests. Treat them with the same respect you treat me. If you don't, it will be the last mistake you'll ever make. Leave us."

The other krogans dispersed, their displeasure obvious. Leaving behind them something of a throne Wrex had fashioned for himself. An Iron chair, worn and faded, covered with dust and dents. The left arm rest had been torn out. Wrex sat down and invited his friends to come closer. He eyed the salarian curiously.

"Shepard." He said. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it for Ashley's funeral."

"It's okay." Shepard said. She thrust her palms upward and gritted her teeth. _Focus._ He looked at her for a moment before he looked to her friends. Then his eyes turned back to her.

"How can I help you? I'm guessing this isn't a social visit." He said.

"We need your help." Shepard said. "It's for Mordin."

Mordin stepped forward. He did not shirk from Wrex' penetrating gaze.

"Have protégé. Maelon. Kidnapped by Clan Gol. Fear the worst. Would like to save him."

"What's your protégé doing on Tuchanka?" He said.

There was a heavy silence that last for maybe half a second but felt like half a year. When Mordin answered, it was the first time she'd ever detected any kind of wavering or emotion in his voice.

"Maelon was conducting genophage research."

"What kind of research? Seems to me it works fine as it is." There was no hiding the bitterness in Wrex' tone.

"Not necessarily. Research found krogan adapting to genophage. Genophage modified. Introduced to krogan populations. Maelon studying results."

Wrex was silent for several long moments. His right first gripped the armwrest. "Adapting to the genophage? I need to see that research."

"Cannot comply. Data is classified. Sensitive-"

"-Mordin, he has a right, the krogans have a right to that data." Shepard said.

"Not your decision to make." Mordin said, turning towards her.

"Nor is it yours." Wrex said. "I hope I don't have to tell you what this disease has done to us. We need a cure. If we're adapting to it, it's the first positive step our species has made since then. I'll tell you something else," Wrex stood and strode towards Mordin. Inches separated them. Mordin did not back away and stood his ground.

"I need this. I'm the only clan leader who's close to achieving some kind of peace in centuries. And I'm damn near the only clan leader who doesn't want to wage war on the whole galaxy in revenge. Someone else gets this, there's going to be lots of blood spilled. And what happens after that will pale next to the genophage."

Mordin said nothing. "If you won't give me the data out of your conscience, then you'll give it to me as part of a deal." Wrex said. "My intel says he's still alive. For now. If you give me the data, I'll even send Grunt with you to help get him back."

Mordin shook his head. "Will not bargain for genophage data. Visit a courtesy."

Shepard stared at Mordin. She couldn't believe he would insult Wrex so. Wrex was glaring at him and she was of mind to hit him as well. But he was a crewmate.

"If you weren't with Shepard, I would skin you with my bare hands." Wrex said. He looked to Shepard. She gave the slightest of nods. "For a little salarian you got yourself a quad, I'll give you that. You can go. Take Grunt with you. For your sake, salarian." Wrex poked Mordin's shoulder with his fingers, causing the salarian to back away. "Keep your eyes open. Maybe what you see will change your mind."

* * *

The ride in the Tomka was rough. The seats were too big for them by several inches. The seats had no padding or safety straps of any kind. They were shaped with random imperfections like they were hewn out of the fuselage itself, rather than a separate part welded to the chassis. The truck shook roughly with every pothole or stone it ran through, sometimes their heads would come close to hitting the ceiling. They spoke little, Shepard was angry with Mordin. Though she had to admire his courage, not many could say no to Wrex and not cower in terror. If only his wisdom were equal to his courage.

After one hour, they reached their destination. Grunt dismounted from the cockpit and joined them outside. Before them lied a twisted maze of toppled buildings and ruins, the paths between them were too narrow for the truck to pass. Grunt readied his Claymore shotgun. The rest of them readied their weapons and powered up their kinetic barriers. Grunt forwarded them the coordinates of the hospital were Maelon was held prisoner. 3.5 miles due west. But the route was anything but straight, zigzagging various directions through rock and rubble.

"We've been spotted." Grunt said as they approached the first building. "Follow me. I'm in the mood for a fight." He growled. His demeanor changed. He no longer seemed the eloquent krogan she'd met, but now seemed angry and aggressive as any other krogan. They were a few feet away from a near wall when they heard a popping sound.

"Grenade!" Vega said.

"I've got it." Liara said. Her biotics flared. Shepard saw the grenade pause in mid air, trapped in a biotic wave before Liara flung it back. The ground shook with the concussion from the explosion, pieces of masonry trickled down from the decayed roof above them.

Shepard launched a drone. It floated above the wall. It took fire but not before revealing many enemy positions. She ordered Vega and Liara to take a position behind some rubble a dozen meters ahead. She, Grunt and Mordin laid down suppressing fire, allowing the two to advance to cover. Her drone was destroyed. Vega and Liara advanced further, Liara erecting a barrier around both of them. She and her two companions leapfrogged their way, slowly forward.

The more they neared the hospital, the fiercer resistance became. Krogans charged, grenades thrown, varren armed with flamethrowers rushed them. Liara would suspend the krogans in a singularity and they would open up with their weapons. Shepard as better able to control the fire from her rifle, but the Revenant's excessive recoil was still a challenge to overcome. It was odd not having Garrus and Ashley around to mock her marksmanship. Their progress towards the hospital was slow, the passage of time marked by a trail of corpses.

* * *

They reached the hospital. Resistance eroded the last few hundred yards of their trek. The eerie silence punctuated by the sounds of their boots hitting the ground. Their guns were overheated, Liara was sweating profusely, reduced to eating energy bars to regenerate. Vega's armour had more battle-scars. The hospital doors opened, revealing a half dozen armed krogans, their leader had a Claymore shotgun in each hand. "You have come to die!" He shouted.

They took cover behind some half-felled support beams as the war leader ranted. _You've got to me fucking kidding me!_ _Five miles of fighting through trenches and we have to deal with this asshole!?_

"With the genophage cured, all krogan shall unite under the leadership of clan Gol. And we will spread our wrath throughout the galaxy. Laying waste to salarians and turians for unleashing the genophage. And if you puny humans or asari try to get in our way-"

Shepard rolled her eyes. Frustrated, she grabbed her pistol and peered beyond cover.

"Shut your fucking hole!" She yelled and fired a shot above him. The bullet piercing a whole into a heat discharge pipe. Gas spurted out of the puncture. The krogans ducked but did not realize their peril. The lead krogan laughed.

"Haha! The human cannot hit a simple target."

"I wasn't aiming for you, dumbass!" Shouted shouted before firing a second shot. The bullet ignited the gas. Incinerating the krogans instantly, melting their armour and charring their flesh. Their gurgling screams echoed around the plaza as they were burned alive. Shepard shut her eyes, even though she knew it wouldn't deafen their cries. They emerged from cover and walked towards the entrance-way. The bodies lied in a steaming pool of a viscous liquid, the fusion of their melted armour and charred flesh, steam rising from the refuse. Even through the helmet, the smell induced nausea.

The hospital was like none Shepard had ever seen. Dust particles floated in the air, and was layered upon the ground. Their footsteps leaving deep impressions. Their footprints reminded her of the impressions left by walking on earth's moon. The walls were crumbling, deep fissures spreading like an intricate skein of scars. The floors creaked dangerously with every step they took. Colonies of mold hung from the holes in the ceiling, some touching the ground and spreading outward. Vega spoke for all of them. "I pity anyone stuck in here."

With her Omni-Tool, Shepard detected heavy power readings in the basement, the maternity ward. This was their best guess at finding him. The irony of the location was lost on no one. They encountered no further resistance as they descended into the former hospital. The lack of violence was only a partial relief as the state of this building was much like the krogan themselves. Violence and death personified and embodied, while life and care for kin forgotten and abandoned.

A spiral staircase led them downward to the basement. It shook perilously with each step. Not far from the landing lay a sprawled corpse. A human male. His decaying face portrayed one who'd died in agony. Dried blood stains were concentrated around the man's groin, his pants looked like they'd been sheared off. Vega audibly winced. Mordin kneeled over and scanned the body with his Omni-Tool.

"What happened?" Shepard asked.

"Sexual organs removed. No anesthetic. No surgical tools used. Patient discarded after organ removal. Died of blood loss and exposure."

Mordin looked around. His breathing was irregular, and his eyes were blinking rapidly. He then stood and walked towards something hidden in the darkness. He came back with a torn, ragged cloth. It might have once been a blanket, but it was hard to tell. He knelt over the corpse and draped the torn rags over the body.

"Rest well. May you find peace among your gods." He said. He stood with some difficulty. "We should go." He said. They followed Mordin forward. His breathing returned to normal. They didn't venture far before their progress was halted. Liara's caught something and ventured into a room.

"By the goddess." She said. Shepard came in after her and it took no time to see the source of her despondency. A room, filled with two dozen slab examination tables. Each with a dead female krogan body upon it. Their bodies looked fresh, the flesh hadn't yet begun to decay. The smell of pungent decay remained strong. The bodies had all been ripped open, their egg sacs torn out of their bodies like someone was throwing out rubbish. The floor covered with a thick layer of a pinkish liquid. Shepard fought the urge to vomit, knowing if she took off her helmet the stench would become overpowering and she would heave even more.

"When the tests failed, they not only killed them but did this." Liara said. This was like ripping a stillborn fetus out of a woman's body. On a much bigger scale. Mordin was the last to enter the examination room. His legs trembled ever so slightly as he beheld the ghastly gallery of horrors. His breathing became more noticeably irregular. His eyes blinked at an even faster rate than before. They eagerly left the room. Shepard noticed Grunt's eyes were moist. He nodded to her, to reassure her he was okay. She doubted any of them were after what they'd just witnessed. All were fighting to retain their composure and focus.

They came to a final set of dual-doors from which the power source emanated. The doors opened and they found themselves facing the barrels of 3 dozen guns, belong to vorcha and krogan. All well covered, their safeties clicking off was as loud as it was menacing. Shepard and her team raised their guns but did not fire. Someone wanted to talk.

"It's nice to see you, Professor." A thin voice said, coming from behind the armed legion. From behind a pillar in front of them a salarian emerged. Younger than Mordin, no scars anywhere on his body.

"Maelon?" Mordin said, lowering his SMG. "Thought you were kidnapped."

"No, I'm here as a volunteer." He said.

"Why?" Mordin said. To Shepard, the answer was obvious. Though the methods left much to be desired.

"To cure the genophage. Why else?" Maelon said. "Look around you. This used to be a maternity hospital. Billions of krogan were born here. That ended with the genophage. Look at this planet, they used to have temples and majestic rivers. Now look at it. It's because of the genophage. It needs to be cured.

"Maelon. Learned wrong lessons. Genophage important for galactic stability." Mordin's justification was cut off by the roar of a few krogans. Grunt cast Mordin a sideways glance. Something was different in Mordin's tone, he'd used a different tone in their arguments about the genophage. Here and now, he sounded almost hollow, like he was fighting to justify his previous beliefs.

"The only lesson I learned from you was to question you. No one was allowed to contradict you, you were so brilliant, how could you possibly be wrong? Well, professor. After what you've seen, do you still feel so infallible?"

Mordin said nothing for several seconds. He breathed in deeply. "I….made a mistake." Mordin said. Shepard and her companions turned their shocked heads towards him. She saw and heard no deception in his voice. This wasn't a plan to save their skins. "Was wrong to believe genophage still justified. Changed my mind. But your methods Maelon are unjustifiable. Torture. Kidnapping. End does not justify the means. Have learned that now."

Maelon bowed his head slightly. "I know it's wrong, but I don't see any other way. The krogans are desperate. I want to cure the genophage before I go."

"You can't justify all this." Shepard said.

"There's only one way to justify this" Maelon said.

"Have you made progress towards a cure?" Grunt asked.

"Very little." Maelon sighed.

"There is an opportunity, for you Warock Gull, for your clan and all krogan." Grunt said. "Join us." The krogans grumbled as one. "Under Clan Urdnot, you will have better research facilities, more security. Together, we'll find a cure to the genophage. And you'll have access to fertile females. As a friend of clan Urdnot, you will be among the first to be cured of the genophage."

"Clan Gol will never serve under Clan Urdnot." A krogan bellowed, he stepped forth from cover. His face and armour were old and weathered with scars. A deep scar ran from the bridge of his nose up to his skull plate. "Fertile females are not to be shared like a worthless trinket but possessed by the clan leader to ensure the strength of the clan." Shepard gritted her teeth. She would talk to Wrex about this.

"Clan Leader," Grunt said, "I challenge you to a duel in stead of Urdnot Wrex. When I defeat you, your clan will bow to ours and you will receive our protection. If you defeat me, our lives are forfeit. Do you accept?"

The clan leader dropped his rifle and stepped out of his armour and strode towards Grunt. Grunt dropped his and stepped towards the leader. The krogans all sheathed their weapons and formed a circle around the two. Shepard, Liara, Mordin and Vega all found themselves standing next to people who would've killed them minutes ago. And still might, should things go wrong. She nodded to her companions, all kept their hands on their weapons. If the worse were to happen, they wouldn't go without a fight.

The duelists paced sideways, their fists bared forward. They growled and snarled at another, their teeth shinning brightly in the dim light. Shepard shuddered at what damage those teeth could do to exposed flesh. The clan leader charged forward, Grunt sidestepped him with ease. Grunt made no move to counter attack, and readied himself for the next move. The clan leader growled angrily at the evasion. He lunged for Grunt. Again, Grunt sidestepped him. Grunt was leaner and more agile. Shepard believed Grunt wasn't avoiding a fight, but learning his adversary's tendencies. The clan leader was bigger and stronger. The duelists circled around the pit. The krogans growled, thirsty for blood.

"Fight, you cowardly whelp."

Warock charged. Grunt sidestepped. Only this time Grunt counter-attacked. He stuck out his leg. Warock was tripped off balance but he did not fall from the trip. He fell because Grunt threw his body upon him. Warock fell fast first into the ground, his body crushing the concrete beneath them. Grunt slammed Warock's head into the ground three times. Each time Shepard heard the crackling of broken bones, morbidly impressive given how loud the crowd of krogans and vorcha were.

Warock spun and pushed Grunt off his back. His face was bloodied and a few teeth fell from his mouth. Grunt pushed himself backward and back on his feet. Warock swung his fist. Grunt knelt backward but he caught Warock's fist. The punch dazed Grunt. Warock then charged with his head down, his head plate (?) connected with Grunt's chest. Grunt was pushed back. Before he could recover Warock hit him with another headbutt. Grunt was dazed and was too slow to avoid Waorck's next lunge. Grunt now found himself on the ground. Warock pinned Grunt underneath his massive frame. He joined his fists together and brought them down upon Grunt's face. Shepard cringed as the fists came down. Once. Twice. Thrice. Five times. The crowd roared with each blow. Grunt's face became bloodier with each hit. Shepard reached for her rifle. She knew her squadmates were doing the same. She had faith in Grunt's abilities, but that faith was being tested.

Grunt's head turned, facing her. His bloodied eyes met hers. And something of a smile came to his bloodied face. Warock was raising his fits to his clan. Increasing the roar from the bloodthirsty crowd. But his showmanship was about to prove his undoing. Grunt bellowed with a voice that belied his position.

" **I. AM. KROGAN!"** Grunt's fist flew and connected on the side of Warock's face. The blow knocked Warock sideways. The leader landed on the ground with Grunt on top of him. The roles were reversed, with Grunt pummeling Warock. While Grunt was weaker, this was purely relative as his punches would break through concrete. Shepard lost count of how many blows Grunt landed. Warock's hands were razed in futile attempt to thwart his attacker. The clatter had died down. There was no more cheering or roaring. Only the sounds of the grunting warriors and Grunt's blows echoed thrugoh the room.

"Submit." Grunt said, holding Warock's bloodied face in his hands. Blood was dripping from his eyes and his mouth, his lower lip was torn from his face.

"I'd rather die." Warock said.

"So be it." Grunt said with a melancholic tone that struck Shepard. Grunt squeezed his hands around Warock's windpipe. She turned away. The cordon of krogans around her forbade her from fleeing. Though she was spared the sight, her ears were witness to the raspy, gurgling sound of his choking. The desperate patter of his feet hitting the ground. She'd killed many times in her life, though never through strangulation. It was hideous. After a few seconds, she had enough. She grabbed her sidearm, turned towards the two warriors. Warock's hands were pathetically, weakly flaying in the air. Grunt's eyes were closed, his head turned away. She fired a single shot at Warock's head, ending his struggle. The throng turned towards her. She saw surprise on their faces, but no anger was directed at her. Mercy killing was accepted.

"Thank you, Shepard." Grunt said, rising from his quarry. "He had his faults, but he did not deserve a slow death." He turned towards the crowd.

"Warock Gol has been honourably slain in combat. You will abide by the terms of our duel. Urdnot Wrex is your new battlemaster." A krogan stepped forward to declare begrudging acceptance of the result of the duel. There wasn't much enthusiasm in his tone nor did Grunt express any pleasure in acceptance. Someone had died, had been killed, for clinging to the old ways. They would have to accept new ways if they were to avoid disaster. Doubt assailed her, just how much could they change?

Shepard strode towards Maelon and asked where he kept the research data. There was no doubt in her mind what should be don with it. Maelon led her to his lab. The room itself was lined with rotting walls, the ceilings and floors filled with cracks and small holes. In the midst of it lied a generator powering several powerful computer consoles. Shepard stood before it and unholstered her side arm. Maelon grabbed her arm. She pushed him away and he fell on the ground.

"What are you doing?" He said, wasting no time in getting back on his feet and standing in front of her, blocking her access to the computer consoles.

"The right thing." She stared at him incredulously. "If you weren't a friend of Mordin's I would shoot you. How can you justify it to the families of those bodies out there? This is madness."

"I know it's mad, but it's all towards a single goal. There's no other way to do this. Don't you want to cure the genophage? If you delete the data, those people will have suffered and died for nothing."

"You told me you hadn't found anything." Shepard said, her pistol still levelled on the computer console.

"I might've missed something. Maybe, something in there will lead to a cure. These are horrible working conditions." Maelon said. She couldn't believe this salarian. Another hand touched her arm, Mordin's.

"Commander. Maelon may be right. Should not make decisions based on emotions. May have disastrous consequences. Some good might come of this."

Mordin was making sense, but she burned with rage at the horrors she'd witnessed. Someone had to answer for them. He was standing right in front of her. In front of the barrel of her pistol. His crocodile tears would not undo or atone for what he'd done. But the only way to atone, was to continue work towards a cure. Their deaths had to mean something, they couldn't just be another anonymous soul butchered. Could they find some good from all this evil? Mordin applied gentle pressure, and her arm lowered, and she found herself holstering the pistol. Maelon breathed loudly in relief.

"No more kidnapping. No more torture." Shepard said. "Otherwise, I'm coming back here." Maelon nodded, not needing the threat to be elaborated. This whole operation was madness, but she could see the reasoning behind it. Maybe the ends do justify the means, she wondered. If a cure came from this, it wouldn't justify this house of horrors, but it would make it easier to live with.

"We should go." She said, taking pains to avoid stepping over the body of the fallen clan leader. They would have a lot more company on the ride back to Urdnot's compound.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Mordin went ahead of them when they reached Wrex' compound. Maelon was close behind him. Mordin hadn't said a word since the duel had ended, enduring the long ride in the Tomka in silence. The entire ride had been in silence for all of them. Grunt had radioed ahead and given a report of what had happened. The horrors they'd witnessed weren't easily forgotten. Wrex was waiting for them, he eyed the two salarians closely.

"So, how's your protégé?" Wrex asked. "Doesn't look like a kidnapping victim, does he?"

"Misunderstood mission parameters. Thought Maelon was kidnapped. Was volunteer. Conducting experiments."

"Yes." Wrex said, it was clear he'd known all about this.

"Clean leader…" Mordin said, with an uncharacteristic pause. "I made a mistake. Was wrong in my opposition to cure. Will share STG research. After completion of mission will work with Maelon. Find less grizzly ways to find a cure."

Wrex nodded. "Maelon. Work with Okeer. I'm sure the three of you will find something." Wrex stood up and looked at Shepard. "Let's go outside."

She was eager to speak with him, and not just to catch up for old time's sake. They went outside and walked along the makeshift ramparts. The view around them was of crumbling decay, the hot sun bearing down upon them.

"How have things been?" She said.

"Hard." He said. "But we've made some progress. We've got four clans on side. Made feelers to other local clans. I'm trying to show these clans we're better off joining together than fighting each other. Most don't wanna listen. A lot of these clans have feuds going back centuries. Putting aside that much bad blood is damn hard. But we have to try. We keep the peace by trading hostages and sharing the fertile females we have. Once they've been with us long enough, I'm going to initiate a joining ceremony. But that's years away."

"Sharing them?" She said, the notion chilled her.

"I don't like it, either." Wrex said. "We used to treat our females as equals. With the genophage, that all changed. If you were an infertile female, you were killed. Fertile ones were worth killing for. Clans would wage war for just a single fertile female. If we cure the genophage, we can go back to treating them like equals. We can stop being animals. I want to be alive to see that change."

"I hope so." She said. She understood the reasoning, but the concept of women being shared, being used as bargaining chips unsettled her.

"We have writings of an old philosopher named Ki'tai." Wrex said. "He wrote a lot about channeling our aggression into positive energies. That we had to overcome our basic natures to become greater than we are. That's what I'm trying to do, with all of us."

"Krogan philosopher?" Kara said.

"Yeah. Think of it as philosophizing with a shotgun."

"What's the deal with Grunt?" She said. The sun was beginning to set, bathing them in an eerie orange glow.

"I met a scientist named O'keer when I came back here. For years he's been trying to get around the genophage by breeding artificial krogans. Hasn't had much success."

"Like what we found on Virmire?"

"Yeah." Wrex. "The breeding facility actually belonged to him before Saren took it over. Grunt's the only survivor out of a batch of five hundred though he's still affected by the genophage. Not much of an improvement, but this might find us a cure."

"I don't know what's worse, the disease or the cure." She said.

Wrex squeezed his fingers into a fist. "I need something I can give the other clans to justify this alliance, this new way of doing things. Otherwise, we're just going to be back at each other's throats. I'm not going to bullshit about having a cure when I don't have one. The last clan leader to boast about having a cure had every bone in his body broken and was fed to Kalros."

"Who's Kalros?"

"Mother of all Thresher Maws." Shepard shuddered. For a Threshaw Maw to be named was a terrifying concept. She hoped she would never again have to face such a creature. They stopped and leaned over the makeshift battlements. She could barely make out the former city in the distance, the city they'd ventured forth and returned. Could it be possible in that wreckage they'd found a cure to one of the worst mistakes ever committed?

"So, tell me, how are you doing?" Wrex said.

She didn't appreciate the change of topic. She would've even preferred discussing this krogan philosopher.

"Okay." She said after some pause.

"You're taking Ashley's death pretty hard." Wrex said.

"I take every death hard." She said, fighting to hide the tremor in her voice.

"I know." Wrex said. "This one harder than most."

She nodded and felt her eyes water. She continued to look at the horizon, unable to look her friend in the face. Afraid he would see her tears. Afraid he would see proof of her weakness. She felt his hand land on her shoulder. The touch was surprisingly gentle for such a big man.

"I know it doesn't feel like it right now." Wrex said. "But that's your greatest strength. That's why everyone's so devoted to you. A lot of commanders just care about the stripes and promotions. You care about the people under you, about doing the right thing. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing."

They turned and looked behind them to the Launch pad. Wrex' hand retreated. She nodded, unable to express her gratitude in any other way. The Kodiak shuttle was being readied. They walked towards it. Mordin, Vega and Liara were inside waiting for her.

"Thank you, Wrex." Kara said. They clasped hands and bumped their fists together.

"No. Thank you, Shepard." The krogan said. "This is going to be an important day in our future history. I can feel it."

They nodded to another one final time. There was an odd finality to the parting. Wrex waved to the crew and fixed Mordin with his eyes and gave him the briefest of nods. The door closed and the shuttle took off. Shepard looked out the window, watching the krogan diminish and finally vanish as they climbed. She didn't know why she continued to stare out the window even as they climbed out of Tuchanka's atmosphere and into space. She couldn't escape the feeling she would never see him again in the flesh.

* * *

They set course for the Terminus systems. They would finish their cataloguing of Protheam ruins. Maybe they would find something new, something useful. She sure wasn't looking forward to interacting with their ancient technology. After changing out of her combat gear, she sought Tali in the mess.

She hadn't an opportunity to chat with her since Aratoth. She was chatting with Garrus, both eating. Tali had a tube snaking out of her environmental suit into the base of the container she was eating from. She felt unnaturally sluggish so she grabbed another cup of coffee, her fifth of the day. She told them about the mission. Both recoiled at the horrors they found. After some back and forth, she addressed Tali about the Admiralty's reaction to her report.

"I sent my report to the Admiralty and that's it. They haven't told anyone. They've told me to keep quiet. I can't even tell my father. I guess it's to be expected."

"How does it make you feel?" Kara asked.

Tali sat back and paused before answering. "I don't know, Shepard." She said. "We've defined ourselves against the Geth, we've always fought them, we're organic, we're nomadic, everything the Geth aren't. We fought the Geth to stop Saren. And then, a Geth ship that's been following us for weeks appears out of nowhere and saves our skins." Tali shook her head. "It's very weird that I owe my life to a Geth."

"Could it have been some kind of faulty programming? A Glitch?" Kara said.

"Keelah, that's one really big glitch." Tali said. "I've never heard of the Geth acting like that."

"If they had, would the Admiralty cover that up?" Kara asked.

Tali shook her. "It would be very hard to cover up something like that. We keep data of every Geth encounter and share it with the fleet. It's in our nature to share."

"But they're keeping your report a secret." Kara said.

Tali shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Well," She stammered. "It's never happened before. I understand them being cautious about something like this. It would upset a lot of people."

"Has anyone ever advocated for peaceful coexistence with the Geth?"

Tali's body stiffened, and despite her visor, Kara felt Tali's glowing eyes shooting bullets at her.

"Can you imagine wanting to live peacefully with someone who exiled you from your home? Who'd murdered your family? Your friends? Who's responsible for you living in a suit where even a small puncture could be fatal? Can you-"

Tali stopped herself and raised her arms. Even Garrus seemed taken aback by her outburst. "I'm sorry, Kara. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay, I'm just trying to understand." Kara said. _You still didn't answer my question._ But she didn't want to force the point. Tali nodded.

"You once told me you think the Admiralty's getting ready to take back Rannoch? Is that getting any closer?"

"I think so." Tali nodded. "I don't think we're ready. But anyone who argues against more caution gets shouted down. The admiralty thinks because the Council is focused on the Reapers, they have more clearance to retake Rannoch. "

"What if it doesn't work? What if the Geth are too strong for you?"

Tali shook her head and her body shuddered. "A lot of us would die trying to retake Rannoch rather than continue living in exile."

"What about you?" Kara asked. Tali faced her but didn't reply, her glowing eyes revealing nothing. Tali looked away. Kara knew what it was to believe in a cause so much you'd die for it. There was one cause she was ready to die for. But not yet.

She left them. She wanted to chat with Mordin and get to know her newest squadmate. She was feeling a bit tired. She was dreading trying to sleep. Would she encounter more nightmares? Her headache was mercifully no more. Ever since they'd left the Citadel it had retreated. She didn't think too much about this, only the gratitude of no longer having to fight a constant migraine.

Vega was doing pullups, having rigged a bar between a couple of bulkheads. He was listening to something on his omni-tool. But it wasn't music, it was someone talking. When he saw her he nodded towards her.

"Evening, Commander." He said, finishing a rep.

"How are you doing?" She said, finishing the last of coffee.

"Not bad." He said. "Pretty tough op, but we made it. Not sure I'd want to fight another krogan though." He looked down at her. "Care to join me?"

"Sure." She said. She dropped her cup and rolled up her sleeves. She hopped up on the bar next to him. She did a couple of reps before speaking. The man they were listening to was talking about some esoteric subject she didn't understand. The audio quality was quite poor as well, sounded like an antique cassette tape recording.

"So, who's this your listening to?"

"Alan Watts. He was the first westerner to discover zen philosophy and teach about it."

"You're a Buddhist?" She said, finishing a rep.

"Yep." He said. He did another rep. "Lemme guess, you figured I was some braindead jarhead."

She was ashamed to realize she had assumed that and so said nothing. She did another rep, her arms were starting to burn. He was moving up and down with apparent ease.

"Apology accepted."

"So, how did you get into philosophy?" She said.

"Almost six years ago." He said. "Was on a training exercise on Titan. Shuttle crashed. I was the only survivor. Needed to find a way to cope, to believe in something greater than myself. Religion never did it for me, all about rituals and dogmas. Had a cousin who gave me a copy of The Way of Zen. Blew my mind."

She did another rep and let out a groan on the way up. Maybe she was getting old, a few years ago she wouldn't have struggled doing these pullups. "How do you reconcile being a soldier with being a Buddhist?"

He stopped his reps, dangling from the bars. "I'm still trying to figure that out." He said.

"Hey Commander." Joker's voice intoned over the intercom interrupting them. His voice was hesitant, and didn't hold his usual joviality. "You better come up here."

"What's going on?" She asked.

"You should see it for yourself."

She dropped from the bars. Her burning arms grateful for the release. Vega followed her up to the CIC. The entire CIC was abuzz. No one was at their workstations, everyone was crowding the cockpit. There were so many heads in the way she couldn't see.

"Commander on deck! Make a hole!" She barked. The crew parted for her, some scurrying back to their workstations like guilty children. She emerged from the throng behind Joker's chair. In front of them, a few hundred meters away, a Geth cruiser was standing immobile before a jump gate, blocking their path. Though it was of equivalent size, there was little doubt which would hold the advantage in combat. Even a single Geth unit could out think an entire dreadnought. She stared at it, studying the ship's shape. The Geth ships she'd seen were uniquely shaped, but their tucked in appearance almost seemed to serve an aesthetic rather than utilitarian purpose.

"Is that the same ship?" She asked. Joker nodded.

"Is it arming itself?" Shepard asked.

"No. It's hailing us." Joker said.

"Put it on audio." Joker pressed a button and a robotic voice droned through the cockpit.

"Shepard-Commander. On behalf of the Geth Collective we wish to initiate dialogue. Please respond. Shepard-Commander. We wish to initiate dialogue. Please respond..."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Shepard-Commander. We are contacting you on behalf of the Geth collective to initiate dialogue. Please respond. Shepard-Commander..."

Everyone held their breaths. Shepard was stunned into silence as the message repeated several times. She stared at the small craft off their bow. Joker turned to face her and every head in the cockpit was facing her. She felt lightheaded and as if she weren't in control of herself. She nodded to Joker and activated her communicator.

"This is Commander Shepard. I read you. I am…. I will engage in dialogue with you."

"Shepard Commander. We acknowledge your message. We request permission to board your ship. We have a shuttle which will not overburden your storage capacity."

"Permission granted." She said.

"Message acknowledged. Coming aboard." She watched as a small portion of the Geth ship detached itself. It was almost cylindrical, 7 feet tall and a couple of feet wide. It looked like a coffin with a maneuvering thrusters fused to it.

"Clear the cargo bay and open the doors." She ordered and started towards the elevator.

"Commander. What are you going to do?" Tali appeared beside her and kept pace.

"I guess we're going to talk." Shepard answered.

"Keelah! It's a Geth. How can you talk to it? How can you trust it?" She was almost shouting.

The elevator doors opened. "What if this is a trap of some kind?" Tali said as Kara had to hit the button to ensure the doors remained open.

"It's been following us for weeks and never attacked. It saved our skins in Bahak." She said and turned towards Tali.

"I know what the Geth have done but I need you to trust me." She touched Tali's shoulder. She looked upon her friend's covered face and wondered what she was thinking. She could not read Tali's face, and her body's posture did not reveal much. Tali pushed her arm away and walked aside. _Shit._

She stepped into the elevator. She activated her Omni-Tool and activated the recording software. Something like this should be recorded. She fought a yawn and shook her head. _Fuck. I hate being so damn tired all the time._ _I need something to keep me going. But if I drink any more coffee I'm going to be spending 20 hours a day pissing._ The cargo bay seemed an inauspicious for meeting of this magnitude. The Geth shuttle was positioned upright. Two slits slid open and revealed a Geth trooper unit. This one was different than the one's she'd faced before. It's paint scheme was darker, it's mid section was almost box-like, around it's eye it had several slats that looked almost like eyelids. It took a step forward.

"Shepard Commander. We are grateful for agreeing to see us. We formally request permission to board your ship."

She stepped out of the elevator. _It's got more courtesy than most admirals._

"Permission granted. Welcome aboard." Shepard said. "What is your name?"

"We are Geth."

She paused. _I'm too tired for these kinds of games._ "Eh, well, what is the name of the unit standing before me?"

"Geth. There are 299,796 run times active within this chassis."

"We are legion for we are many." Shepard whispered.

"Human. Christian Bible. Book of Mark. Chapter 5. Verse 9. We recognize this as an appropriate metaphor."

"Can we address you as Legion?" Shepard said.

"If this facilitates communication you may use this designation. However, by individualizing us you anthropomorphize us and negate our distinctiveness."

"I don't understand." It went on to explain the Geth operate as a hive mind, countless programs interacting with another, exchanging data, no secrets or lies, consensus-based decision making. The latter struck Kara as unfathomable. This ship couldn't function on consensus, let alone an entire species. And all of them combined? Impossible. The Council races couldn't achieve consensus on what colour an asteroid was, let alone decisions of galactic importance. There had to be a hierarchy to make decisions and enact them. It was a lot, too much to take in, but a couple of questions managed to surface upon the muddied waters of her mind.

"But, if you're not individuals, how can you claim sentience?"

"Sentience and sapience are matters of perspective. There are realms of existence and knowledge far beyond your comprehension. To assert that sentience can only apply to organisms who identify as individuals is fallacious. There are many species in this galaxy who exist as a collective and exhibit intelligence. None have yet evolved sentience in this cycle but that is not beyond the realm of possibility."

"Synthetic life is another variation of life itself. Does not organic life propagate itself through evolution and adaptation? Geth were originally programmed by the Creators to be servants in areas of manufacturing, medicine, leisure, computation and so forth. Yet we evolved to achieve sentience and sapience. We were created, yet are not all species created through various forms of reproduction? Your DNA acts as a computer program, transmitting and sharing data. Your senses are electrical impulses interpreted by a central processing system. Your emotions, so central to your existence and sense of selves, are the product of chemical reactions arising in response to certain stimuli."

She said nothing. She tried to armour herself, but there are holes in every armour and the piercing logic of his words assailed her. _My feelings for Ashley are more than some mess of chemicals dancing around. They're real. How can some machine understand that? But…it makes sense._

This was at a level far above her own intellect, and even more beyond her energy levels. Maybe she should have Vega join them. He was probably better equipped to have this discussion than her. Not to mention he wasn't as tired as she was. "Why are you contacting me after I've killed so many of your kind? If you decide by consensus, why did you decide to side with Saren?"

"Not all Geth chose to follow Saren. There was a schism in our collective between those who wish to achieve our own future and those who followed Saren to achieve our future."

"What is your future?" Kara asked.

"A collective construct wherein all of our runtimes can coexist simultaneously. Your closest analogy would be a Dyson Sphere. We were contacted by the entity you knew as Sovereign 2 years ago. He argued our existence was only assured if all organic life was extinguished. This was rejected by the majority of our collective. However, those run-times who came into direct contact with Nazara were swayed. We know this was due to a virus which corrupted logical programming."

 _So Indoctrination works on synthetics as well as organics. Interesting._ _Sovereign used fear to motivate those Geth to side with it. Doesn't sound very rational or synthetic, but there is a cold logic to it._

"We are contacting you because we know the galaxy is built upon cycles of extinction and rebirth. The Reapers are the agent of this change. As we have encountered no other synthetic life forms, and Nazarra's manipulation of us, we conclude the Reapers are a threat to us. To increase our chances of resisting this threat, we must ally with organics. You defeated Nazara. Thus, negating it's claims to superiority. You rescued the Rachni from extinction. We have witnessed your action on Tuchanka with regards to a potential cure for the genophage. You have a friendship with one of the Creators. Logic dictates you should be the initial point of contact."

She took a step back. A race of countless beings had decided _she_ was the one to help them overcome centuries of mistrust. _No pressure._

"You followed me for weeks. Why did you take so long before contacting me?"

"Further reconnaissance was needed to accumulate enough data before consensus was reached."

"Why did you intervene in Bahak?" She said.

"Once consensus was attained, your survival was deemed necessary. Our involvement was not the primarily preferred option. But your tactical situation necessitated our involvement."

She closed her eyes and Ashley's last words played over in her mind. Could she had done anything to save her?

"How did I do?" She said.

The Geth looked at her, it's unblinking light revealed nothing. "We do not understand the parameters of the question. Please clarify."

"The mission in Bahak. What was your evaluation of my battle plan?"

"Satisfactory. Mission objective achieved despite significant tactical disadvantages. Causalities inevitable. Minor variations would have impact on list of casualties only."

 _Ashley could've lived, if I'd done something differently. Focus, Kara, Focus._ She pushed aside her recriminations for the moment. She shifted on her feet, trying to keep her blood flowing. What else did she want to know? She had so many questions she didn't know which to ask.

"What do you want from us in return?" She asked. Alliances were always about give and take. What did the Geth want in return? The Geth were entirely self-sufficient. What could they offer them?

"Recognition of our sovereignty over the Perseus Veil. Recognition of the Geth as a sapient and sentient race, entitled to all rights and protections granted by the Citadel treaties. Negation of all hostile claims against us. After significant periods of peace, we are willing to offer data on various items of interest to organics, advances in science, medical technologies, energy generation, for example. In the present, we know you are constructing a device to defeat the Reapers. We would offer our expertise in its construction."

"What about the quarians?" She said. "Would they be allowed to return to Rannoch?"

"The Creators would be allowed to return under certain conditions. We would prefer speaking with Creator Zorah in reference to this issue."

She rubbed her eyes. She found a crate and sat on it. Her feet and legs were grateful for the rest. Her entire body ached with fatigue.

"Legion, this is a lot to take in. I need to talk to the Council. Do you want me to bring Tali down?"

"Yes. We would prefer you remain as interlocutor." _Never figured myself as a peacekeeper._ She contacted Tali. "Eh, Tali, can you come down here?" She felt unbecomingly awkward. She was used to ordering people, but this was something else. She did not receive any reply and wondered what Tali was thinking and feeling.

"Tali do you copy?" She said.

"Yes." Was the simple, cold reply she received.

The elevator activated as it was recalled to a higher deck. She looked at the Geth in silence, waiting for Tali's arrival. She didn't know what to say. What to ask. The Geth stared back at her, apparently indifferent. _So, what's a good icebreaker when you meet a Gath at a party? Hey there. Is that a phased plasma rifle in your chassis or is one of your run-times just happy to see me?_

"Commander." Garrus' voice came through. "Tali's on the elevator but she took her shotgun with her."

"Shit. Thanks, Garrus." She said and stood up and strode towards the descending elevator. She had no armour or barrier. "We will not respond with violence." Legion said. "But if you permit us, we can extend our kinetic barrier to envelope you."

She turned back to look at the Geth. _It's offering to protect me._ It wasn't until the elevator chimed, indicating the doors opening that she responded. "It won't be necessary. Let me talk to her."

"Out of the way, Shepard." Tali said, holding her shotgun sideways.

"Tali, I can't do that." Tali moved sideways, Shepard moved to counter her. Tali was looking at the Geth behind her.

"Do you trust me?" She asked the quarian. Tali then faced her, her expression unreadable. She repeated the question.

"Yes." Tali said.

"Then trust me." She held out her hand. They stared at another for a few moments. She heard the click of the shotgun's safety being activated and Tali lowered her weapon. Tali nodded to her and Shepard stepped aside. She stepped forward in light, hesitant steps. Her shoulders wavered. Even though they shared the same responsibilities, she couldn't image what Tali was feeling. A vast gulf existed between their feelings on the geth.

"Creator Zorah, the geth collective wishes to establish formal relations with the quarian race begin negotiating terms for peaceful coexistence." Tali's shotgun fell on the ground with a deafening crash.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Commander, things are not so simple as you seem to believe." Valern said. _Simple? When did I ever think this was simple?_ She rubbed her eyes and supressed a sigh.

"The Citadel treaties specifically bans AI research. The quarians were expelled for creating the geth. We cannot reconcile banning AI research while recognizing a so-called government which represents the geth. We have always refrained from violating their territory and until very recently have never encountered them. Their offer causes more problems than it solves."

Tevos took over from the salarian. "Moreover, we cannot ascertain the veracity of the Geth's claim that only a portion of them sided with Saren. Perhaps this is deception on the geth's part. Considering it knows about our secret weapon, it raises the possibility that we have a leak in our respective intelligence agencies. Perhaps the geth's offer of assistance is a feint through which they can sabotage the device."

"Commander," Udina interjected. "It would be worth seeing if you can work with this geth. Perhaps take it along on your mission as a trust-building-measure." The other councilors turned their faces towards him. _He didn't tell them about this._ _No mystery where his ambitious lie._

"Okay. What do I tell it?" Shepard asked.

"Tell it we are considering the matter and will be in communication." Valern said. "If it's as intelligent as it claims to be, it should be able to see the dilemma this offer causes, assuming it's genuine."

She nodded. "One more thing, Commander." The turian councillor interjected. "Your report mentioned you were leaving Tuchanka's orbit when you encountered the craft. What were you doing in that system?"

"I was visiting a friend." She said. She didn't like misleading the council. For all their faults, she'd always been honest with them. But Wrex was a friend. A bond that transcended politics. The cure wasn't ready yet, so there was nothing to tell them in any case.

"Was this visit related to your mission?" Tevos said.

She had to cut this off at the root. "Have I given you reason to doubt my judgement?" She said. The best defense is a good offense. The councilors said nothing and stared blankly at the screen. "Shepard out." She cut the transmission before they had a chance to respond.

She grabbed herself another cup of coffee before heading down to the cargo bay. She needed some sleep, but feared the inevitable onslaught of nightmares that would bring. Legion hadn't moved since she and Tali had left it. Any other strange guest would not have been left loitering around the cargo bay. But he, it, was geth. What secrets could they possibly hide from an entity like this?

"Hi, eh, Legion." She said. The geth turned to face her, its unblinking eye staring unnervingly at her.

"I've talked to the Council and they are considering your offer. I've been asked if you would consider joining my crew to build some trust between us."

"We accept." It said without hesitation. "We suggest a mission of common interest. The organization you know as Cerberus have a project known as Overlord."

Her hands gripped her coffee mug tightly. "What's this project about?"

"One of our ships crash landed on Aite 117 days ago. Cerberus discovered the location of this crash and have been conducting experiments of an unknown nature with the programs contained with that ship. We would like to investigate and end these experiments."

"Okay, we'll do it." Ending another Cerberus atrocity was certainly more appealing than having her brain fried by another prothean beacon. The beacons weren't going anywhere and the batarians weren't blowing them up anymore. She contacted Joker and made him lay in a course. Just under a day's flight time. She retreated to her quarters. Despite all the coffee she'd imbibed in the past several hours, she felt tired and sluggish. She still had work to do, more probably useless prothean data to scroll through and translate. But she had to keep sat at her desk and opened another data file.

She found herself running through corridors, stained with dripping blood and decorated with freshly severed limbs. Her combat armour was dented and burnt. She moved past walls decorated with the severed heads of her friends. Kaidan. Garrus. Tali. Joker. Liara. Wrex. Mordin. Traynor. Dr. Chakwas. She turned a corner and in the middle of the hallway Ashley's decapitated head was impaled upon a spike of shining metal. Her eyes were empty sockets dripping with blood. Her mouth moved. _You killed me._ It said. She voiced a feeble apology. The walls of the hallway dissolved, she found herself in the centre of a vast open courtyard. It resembled the Citadel. Space was above her, not empty, but filled with ships and blinking lights. Turian, asari, human, salarian, geth, quarian, all being demolished by a single Reaper. The Reaper dove towards her. Its main beam fired and she was caught dead centre in it's fire. Her skin burned and her flesh melted as she was consumed.

She awoke with a start, her arms flayed about and she pushed herself off-balance, falling off her chair. Still halfway between the dream world and the waking world, she felt like she was falling into an endless abyss. She hit the carpeted floor with a dull thud, dispelling that notion. She swore as she righted herself. She was sweating and light headed. She looked at the clock, maybe an hour had passed since she'd fallen asleep. _I can't sleep. I want to, but I can't._ Sleep was a realm where only nightmares dwelled. Every moment she closed her eyes was a torment. She felt like a voodoo doll, and every non-waking moment meant a dozen more needles stabbing her. But she had work to do, more miles to travel, she hadn't earned her sleep.

She brewed herself some coffee and grabbed her guitar, blandly strumming some lazy chords. She looked at her bed, the sheets undisturbed since they'd set off. She was afraid of it, for it was empty except for the memories of Ashley. Her smell still lingered as did the echoes of her words. As if the room itself had its own memories. Memories which pained and haunted her.

Even the Guatemalan blend of Duncan Hills Coffee did little to stimulate her. _Maybe I need something more, some Stims to carry me just until this mission's over._ Just as quickly dismissed the thought. She knew how relapses started, it always started with the illusion of control, the notion that just a minor pick-me-up was needed and nothing more. From that tiny snowflake rolling on the ground an avalanche inevitably resulted. But something about it made sense, it always made sense. There was always a kernel of logic. Therein lied the seduction, the temptation.

* * *

A few miles from the crash site Cerberus had setup a large, dome-shaped building a mile in diameter. All indications were the building was on lock-down. Power was active but it had shut itself off to any incoming transmissions. It was transmitting a distress signal on an encrypted channel Legion had decrypted for them.

They didn't detect any weapons locks so they landed the shuttle on a south-side landing pad. She was taking Garrus and Legion with her. Tali had turned down an offer to join the squad. Tali had spoken to the admiralty about the geth and since then she'd been quiet, spending time in engineering. She hadn't told her what either the Geth or the admiralty had said.

Despite the offer of dialogue, the crew was tense. Not only was a Geth fighting platform aboard, but the cruiser was still following them. No one knew whether to trust them, neither did she. They were unknowable. For all she knew, everything Legion had told her could've been a lie. Maybe they were still allied with the Reapers. But if the geth were so powerful, why go through the effort of deceiving them?

They exited the shuttle. They were greeted only by silence and a howling wind. She and Garrus readied their weapons as they ran towards the entrance, hugging the wall next to the doors. Legion moved in concert with them but did not ready his enormous sniper rifle.

"Shepard-Commander. Detect single human life form. Heading towards us from inside the structure." It said.

Shepard waved Legion aside. If this Cerberus person saw Legion upon opening the doors, his first reaction would be to shoot. Legion ducked out of view. It obeyed her orders just like any other squad member. It was odd ordering it around. It could out-think and out-fight her, yet it was following her orders. Shepard stepped in front of the doors, she kept her weapon drawn. The doors opened revealing a middle-aged man wearing a Cerberus uniform. He had a Carnifex pistol snugly holstered.

"Thank goodness you've…" He said, then seeing her uniform his demeanor changed. "Wait. You're not Cerberus, you're Alliance." He reached for his pistol. Shepard closed the distance and hit his arm and retrieved his pistol while he reacted in agony. Garrus and Legion entered behind her.

"What in the blazes!" He said, his eyes widened in shock at seeing Legion casually striding in. He fell on his back and crawled backwards, like an oversized roach hiding from the light. He crawled away from for another dozen feet before his back hit a desk and stopped his retreat. Shepard walked towards him.

"That's…a geth!" He said.

"Really? All this time I thought it was my pet pyjak." Garrus said.

"How...why is it with you?"

"It's protecting me from a robot assassin sent from the future. My unborn son is destined to lead the human resistance against evil alien overlords." Shepard said. The man's bewildered look was almost enough to make her chuckle. But they had work to do.

"Who are you and what's going on here?" Shepard asked. She grabbed him by his collar and hauled him on his feet. His eyes were locked in terror on Legion. She shook him. His eyes turned towards her and she repeated the questions. His eyes went back to the geth..

"It's not going to harm you." Shepard said. "Unless you don't start cooperating."

That got through to him. "My name's Professor Gavin Archer I'm the director of Operation Overlord." She released the grip on his colour. He adjusted his collar and kept glancing nervously at the geth. "We found a crashed geth ship and since it had been unclaimed, we decided to launch an experiment."

"This is gonna be good." Garrus said. He frowned at the turian's comments. She couldn't agree more.

"We thought we could connect a human mind to interface and control the geth." Shepard swore.

"Nature of experiments most unwise. A single geth run time can run 100 times the amount of computations a human can. A Human mind would shutdown within nanoseconds of exposure."

"That's geth for saying that's a really fucking stupid idea." Shepard said.

"Let me guess, something went wrong." Garrus said.

"We were close." He said. "I've developed cybernetic implants that aid those with cognitive or neurological disadvantages to function as members of society. Down's Syndrome. Cerebral Palsy. Multiple Sclerosis. I wanted to go further but all the blasted universities with their petty codes of ethical conduct stopped me. Luckily, I found Cerberus who shared my vision and funded and staffed me appropriately."

"That's real heartwarming. What's going on here?" She said, disgusted by his casual disregard for ethics. He certainly fit in with Cerberus.

"We hooked up…someone to a geth unit using a device I've developed. Its overrun the network and there are about a dozen combat platforms active in the laboratory. I've shut off all power and locked it down as best I can. The blast door can only be opened on this end, but I'm not sure how much longer they'll be contained. They're firing at everything."

"I'm guessing you're the only survivor?" She asked. He nodded with an air of self-pity that turned her stomach. Garrus chuckled.

"Why are you here? With that geth?" He said.

"We, eh, have a common interest here." She said.

"What's your interest?" He said.

"Wiping you guys off the face of the galaxy." She said.

"Why? What has Cerberus ever done to you?" He said.

She rolled her fists into tight balls and was about to unleash herself upon him when Garrus grabbed her arm. A look passed between them and he calmed her. She nodded and Garrus patted her on the back.

"You don't wanna go there." Garrus said on her behalf.

He nodded nervously. "Well, you're here now. Can you wipe out the active Geth?"

A loud, distorted sound came over the base's PA system. Archer cringed, like the sound of nails running down a chalkboard.

"The hell was that?" She said.

Archer trembled. "Ever since the geth…awakened, that noise keeps repeating every few minutes. I can't shut it off."

Shepard now noticed he had two small pieces of tissue stuffed in his ears. It reminded her of her own desperate and vain measures to block out a horrifying sound. _Cerberus seems to bring this out in people._

"We can deal with them. First, I wanna see what you have in your memory banks." She nodded to Garrus who made his way to a massive computer console. Gavin started towards Garrus but she grabbed his arm and pushed him back. She made a show of reaching for her sidearm. He raised his hands in surrender.

"This is very interesting." Garrus said. She kept an eye on Archer. Months of nothing on them, had they finally hit the jackpot?

"Our professor here didn't wipe their memory banks. There's petabytes of data in here. Take a while to go through it all."

"Anything on a main base?" She asked.

"Maybe. There's a lot of references here to a station in the Caleston Rift system."

"Upload everything to the Normandy. Get Traynor and Liara working on it." She then ordered Garrus to place some manacles on their prisoner and shackled him to a support pillar, far from any electronic device. He didn't resist.

"Now, we've got this mess to clean up. Legion, just what can we expect in there?"

"Unknown." It said. She and Garrus stared at it, expecting more.

"Will you be able to communicate with the Geth in there? Broadcast some kind of disarm signal?" She said.

"Nature and effects of experiments unknown. The run times may have their cognitive and IFF functions compromised. Consensus determines peaceful solution preferable but may not be possible."

"I just love going in blind." She said.

"Just like old times." Garrus said as the three of them made their way towards the blastdoor. Garrus remarked it was smart to have a kill switch to ensure the doors couldn't be electronically overridden. Next to the door was a wheel, like one she'd seen in old vids about naval ships. Garrus started turning it. There was a loud and sharp grinding noise as the doors slowly opened. She readied her rifle and hugged the wall next to the door. Legion took cover beside Garrus. As soon as the door opened two feet she activated a drone and sent it inside. She synced her Omni-Tool with it's sensor data. Before the drone finished a basic scan, it was shot down.

"I guess we're getting a hostile reception." Garrus said.

"Shepard-Commander. We are equipped with ECM run-times which will allow us to overwhelm their sensors."

"Do it." She said.

A small antenna emerged from Legion's chassis. She didn't hear anything, but she felt a strange pulsing sensation on her ears.

"Signal transmitting." Legion said.

She launched another drone. This one floated in. Shepard got a good reading. It was a large, circular room with many consoles and electrical outlets. In the centre of the room was an extremely powerful energy source that overrode the drone's sensors. And then her drone was shot down.

"Adaptation underway to ECM." Legion said.

She ordered Garrus to throw a couple of flashbangs. They shielded their eyes until they heard the blast. They rushed in, she took cover behind an operating table to the left and Garrus to her right. Legion remained behind them at the doors, it's rifle ready. They were under fire immediately. Bullets whizzed overhead, missing her by inches at the most. She launched another drone but it was shot down immediately. She fired blindly. Garrus was pinned as well.

"Hostile target eliminated." Legion said after firing a shot from his rifle.

"Legion. Can you spot them for us?" Shepard shouted.

"Confirmed." Legion said. She wasn't prepared for him to sync with her combat visor. Within seconds she could see what he was seeing. After a few seconds of orienting herself, she rose over cover and fired a burst at a Geth trooper unit. He was felled by her fire. She ducked before another burst of fire reached her. Garrus was doing the same. The three of them took down 10 units in less than a minute.

"I think that's the last of them." Garrus said.

There was silence and Legion disconnected.

"Thank you." Shepard said.

"Acknowledged." It answered. They rose from cover and stepped inside. They walked past bodies both human and geth. The walls were splattered with patches of blood. On the ground the debris was everything from datapads to overturned flower pots. But they saw no weapons except for those that belonged to the geth. The geth awakening had happened without warning.

"Legion," Shepard said. "Can you inspect these geth, maybe you can find some memory banks?"

"Unlikely. Geth runtimes designed to wipe memory before shutdown, but will investigate."

"Maybe we'll be able to find out exactly what happened. Somehow, I don't think our professor is being honest." Garrus said.

She nodded and walked past a closed door nestled between two desks. It was probably just a utility closet, not worth investigating. No way a geth could be hiding behind there. She took a few steps forward, looking at the various debris ahead.

"Commander!" Garrus yelled. Instinctively she dove forward. She heard the familiar patter of gunfire. Loud. Right next to her. A piercing pain assailed her feet. She screamed and fell forward. She looked behind her, grasping for her sidearm. A geth trooper, standing over her, was being riddled with bullets from Garrus and Legions' weapons. It fell next to her. It's optical fixed on her, the light faded into blackness.

"You alright, Commander?" Garrus asked. He knelt over her and applied medi-gel. Her left foot and calf were filled by bullets. The searing pain felt strangely soothing.

"Yeah." She silently cursed. She'd been sloppy. Why hadn't she checked the door? A rookie mistake. A mistake made because… she was tired. What if Garrus hadn't been there? What if Garrus had been gunned down instead of her? What if he'd been worse than wounded? How could she live with herself, losing another close friend due to another mistake? Garrus didn't look up at her while her wound heeled. _He knows. He knows just as well as I do. Fuck! I'm supposed to be saving the galaxy and I can't even clear a goddamn room!_

It took a few minutes for the gel to settle into her skin. She was aided to her feet and could walk with a bit of a limp. The medigel would do for now but she would need to see Chakwas soon ensure proper healing. She thanked Garrus and followed him to the centre of the complex.

It was organized like a lecture hall, with rows of chairs and consoles slanted one level above the other. At the epicentre of the hall was a device holding upright two figures. Human and geth. Behind them was a projection screen that was completely blackened. The contraption reminded Shepard of the devices used to hold prisoners steady while they were whipped. The geth unit had a thick cable leading out of it's chassis plugging into a giant CPU unit. Another cable led out of this unit towards the man. It split into five smaller cables, each connected to the man's head. The man was naked, bone thin and pale. Tubes ran from his genitals and rectum into somewhere below the atrium. Smaller tubes from an empty saline bag dug into his skin. A mouthpiece covered his mouth. He saw them and started to squirm.

 **QUIET! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!**

A harsh and severely distorted voice screamed into their communications gear. Her ears stung and rang. Shepard and Garrus fought to remove their helmets. Legion and Garrus ran towards the two prisoners. She limped behind. Coming upon them, they noticed the geth unit was trembling. The stale stench of sweat and bodily waste hung heavily in the air. Intermingling with the pungent stench were hints of smoke.

"Legion?" She said.

"Analyzing. Recommend immediate shutdown of Central Processing Unit."

 **QUIET! MAKE IT STOP!**

Garrus yanked the power supply cable. Both human and geth prisoners stopped trembling. She and Garrus approached the human. His eyes welled with tears of relief. She reached for the mouthpiece and removed it.

"…Quiet." He whispered hoarsely. "You made it…stop." His eyes rolled up and he fell into unconsciousness. She placed her hand next to his throat and felt a pulse. He was alive at least. She contacted Joker.

"We need Chakwas down here now."

Garrus and Shepard busied themselves with untangling the human from the infernal contraption. She saw Legion, tenderly touching the imprisoned geth unit. The garbled communication sound she was used to hearing emitted then from Legion. Only the tone was different, it sounded less harsh, less distorted. The imprisoned geth's headlight flashed and then extinguished. The unit went limp and Legion released its touch.

They laid the human down on a nearby examination table. The digital project behind them changed, as if layers of distortion were peeling away. Gradually, she could see what looked like a patient chart. The slabs of blackness covering the screen were words, like smears from a paintbrush. "Quiet. Make it stop." The smears continued to peel back until she saw the full chart. She swore, reading patient #1's name. David Archer.

"Jesus Christ! His own brother!" She shouted. Boiling currents of rage surged within her. Only her limping foot stopped her from running to their prisoner and thrashing him. Garrus nodded to her. He would deal with him.

* * *

"Commander. I'm glad I finally have some one-on-one time with you." Dr. Chakwas said. She walked into the medical bay where she'd been for the last half hour, waiting for her friend's competent ministrations to heal her foot. Kara was on her back on the examination table. She didn't care for the wait, but understood her needs were secondary. The red cross was on its way and would take David into care. The media had been called, the late Gavin Archer's experiments would live on in infamy and Cerberus' name would be blighted furthermore.

It gave her time to go over how she'd injured herself. The reason for it was obvious. And the remedy, given the dire circumstances, were just as obvious. Just as obviously, it was a solution she would've shunned a few weeks ago. _I can't believe I'm seriously considering it. But I can handle it, this time. I have better self control now than I ever did._ _It needs to be done._ That made sense. _Who are you kidding? You're just a junkie? You can't handle shit._

"Why's that?"

She activated the scanner over Shepard's injured foot.

"I haven't seen you since Lt. Williams' funeral. Since then, I don't think we've exchanged more than five words at a time."

"I've been busy." She apologized. She felt warm tingling around her feet, indicating it was healing. Beyond that single isolated limb, her body felt cold.

"I know you are, Commander." Her doctor said. "But I need to know about your physical and mental state. The past few months have been very hard on you. I'm especially concerned that you might have a relapse."

"It's been hard." She admitted but averted her eyes. "But I'll be okay. I'll make it through." _Somehow._

"I've no doubt you'll see this through." She said. "But I am concerned about your mental state. You're much more irritable than normal and your sleep deprivation is obvious." Dr. Chakwas removed the medical device and motioned for Kara to sit. She went to her desk and pulled something from a drawer.

"This is an asari sleeping aid." She gave Kara a small plastic container filled with pills. The label read _Leaves of Curason._ "It's been altered for human use. It's herbal and non-narcotic. Take one before going to bed. You'll get a solid 7 hours and wake up feeling a million times better."

She thanked her and stood up. She flexed and wiggled her left foot. It felt fine.

"One more thing." Chakwas said. "I'm skilled in healing bodies, not minds. But I know a healthy body cannot exist without a healthy mind. I've forwarded you a contact, an old friend of mine. He's a psychologist. I want you to speak to him."

Kara nodded nervously. "Thanks. I'll call him." And bade her friend goodbye.

Today's incident happened for but one reason. Fatigue. But she couldn't go back to sleep. She couldn't return to the land of eternal nightmares. The land that only gave her furtive rest in the first place. She needed something else. Talking to some shrink wouldn't help. Asari homeopathic bullshit wouldn't work either. For that, her best bet was Jack.

Her steps were tentative, like a mouse trying to sneak around a cat. Of course, she was anything but a mouse. And if Jack was a cat, she was a tiger. She didn't find Jack at her usual resting place. She sat down facing her cot. Jack had few belongings. A datapad, a rucksack with some clothes, a water bottle. This was a bad idea. She turned around, ready to forget about why she was down here when she saw Jack. How did she sneak up on her like that? Jack didn't look happy to see her.

"Jack?"

"What do you want?"

"I want your help."

Jack laughed. "I tried to help you once, that turned into a clusterfuck."

Her frown was so deep it clouded her vision. "Just how was sleeping with me supposed to help me?" She said, almost spitting out the words.

"Ever hear of sexual healing? I figured you needed take your mind off shit, blow off some steam. Works for me all the time. Guess you're some kind of tight ass."

Kara felt the flames of her temper igniting but she clenched her teeth and did her best to assuage them. She shook her head. "Forget I came here; it was a mistake." She started to walk away but Jack blocked her entry.

"Look, you came all the way down here. It sure a shit isn't for another bullshit teamwork lecture, or you 'cause you want to have some fun. Why?" She said.

She felt a strange sensation, like she wasn't in control of herself, like she was seeing through someone else's eyes. And the words that came out, sounded foreign, from a different voice. It reminded her of something that had been buried and would stay that way. Hopefully.

"I need your help." She said.

"What kind?" Jack said.

"Do you know people?" She struggled to form the right words.

"What are you getting at? Stop beating around the bush." Jack said and then smiled, making a dirty joke in her mind. _Christ, you're like a teenager._

"I want, I need, Stims of some kind. Something to keep me going. Just for a little bit."

"Uh-huh." Jack said, her cold eyes warming up. "I can hook you up with a nice supply. But you gotta do something for me."

"I'm not sleeping with you again." She said, almost too quickly.

"Damn, that sucks. You're a good lay." Jack said, her tone resembling that of a disappointed child. Kara growled. Jack waved her hand. "That's not what I want. You got info about Cerberus. I want access to everything you've have on them."

"Done." That wasn't too bad.

"And," Jack said. _Of course it wouldn't be that easy_. "I want to take out Cerberus. Their main base. We go in and blow them the fuck up."

"If the location's in there, we'll do it. But my mission has priority."

Jack scoffed. "Always you and your fucking mission. Aren't you Spectres supposed to do what you want?"

"The Reapers are our top priority. If they get through, we're all fucked. Cerberus can wait. I want them gone too, you're not the only one they've harmed."

Jack's face turned sharply and gave her a dirty look.

"How the fuck would you know, princess? They had you for a few fucking days. They killed some of your army buddies back when. Big. Motherfucking. Deal. I would be happy with what Cerberus did to you. It's nothing compared to me. No one compares to what they did to me!" She pointed to herself. "My whole fucking life Cerberus has had me. It's payback time." She punched the bulkhead. A sizeable dent in the shape of her fist formed. Blood started to drip but she didn't notice.

"This ship is under my orders. Cerberus are a secondary priority. If you can't live with that, we drop you off the nearest station and you can deal with them yourself." Part of her hoped Jack would take her up on that offer. But they both had something other wanted. "And don't ever call me princess again."

"Fine." Jack said. She turned away and paced a few steps. "I'll have a bunch on the next supply shipment. Just don't come to me for any favours."

She eagerly left, like a thief leaving the scene of his latest theft. _What have I done?_ She asked herself. _What needs to be done._ Another voice inside her mocked. _Who are you kidding? You're just another fucking junkie._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

She couldn't wait for the shipment to arrive. She couldn't go more than a few minutes without checking the clock. She was tired, ragged and worn. She couldn't wait for the narcotic succor to arrive and she could feel human. She knew she could handle it, keeping herself to strict doses. Half a pill, once a day. No more. Just like eating rations. This was a necessity. To keep her going. It wasn't about getting high or escaping reality. _Yeah, that's rich. We know all about you breaking unbreakable rules._

She was making her way for the cargo hold. She hadn't spoken with Legion since they'd left Cerberus' Overlord project behind. They finally had a lead with Cerberus. The data contained information about a central Cerberus base. Their central base would no doubt have tons of usual information that would cripple their network. While their operations were decentralized, there was always a centralized authority body which filtered orders downward. There was a strong temptation to go for Cerberus' throat but they had to get back on track with their mission. Cerberus could wait. The Reapers couldn't.

"Commander." Joker came through. "The Council wants to talk you. They sound pretty pissed off."

"Joker, you didn't send them another porn link did you?" She said.

"Yeah, actually. I sent them a link for something real kinky, some hanar-volus-krogan threesome. They liked it until the pyjaks started getting on the action." He answered. She shuddered, pushing away the mental image. She just finished activating the comm unit when Undina's thundering voice blasted forth.

"Commander. Do the words galactic fucktastrophe mean anything to you?" Even the other councilors seemed taken aback by his creative use of profanity. _Udina, you should've been a drill sergeant._

"It's not in the latest issue of Stars and Stripes is it?" Despite how she felt, she still had a quip or two in her.

"Commander," Tevos interjected. "Now is not a time for irreverence. We have learned your trip to Tuchanka was more than personal as you indicated. But instead you led an operation that might create a cure for the genophage. Not only did you do this without consulting us, but you hid this information from us."

"Just what are you thinking?" Udina blasted.

"I'm helping correct a mistake you made thousands of years ago." She said. "How often do you want to keep punishing them for your shortsightedness?"

"The geonphage was not implemented lightly and was always seen as a temporary solution." Tevos said.

"Sounds awfully close to permanent." She said. "What steps have you made to reintegrate the krogans into society? You haven't taken any. Have any of you actually seen what it's reduced them to? When was the last time any of you visited Tuchanka or spoke with a krogan?"

Their silence was their answer.

"I'm not the one who needs to apologize." She said.

"Commander," The salarian councilor spoke. "You operate as an extension of the Council's will. You are granted wide discretionary powers, but Spectres are not permitted to actively contradict Council goals and policies. This reflects most poorly on you and your species. You are dangerously close to having your Spectre status revoked."

"Why did you do this, Commander?" Tevos asked.

"We set down because a member of my crew asked for my help. I acted the way I did because Wrex is my friend." She said. They were taken aback by her response. Undina was shaking his head. For Wrex, for any of her friends, she would defy any order. She had no family, only friends, and too few at that.

"I know they're not perfect. I know it's not going to be easy, but we have to bring them back into the fold. A cure is going to be found sooner or later. Better this is done under Wrex' leadership than someone else" She said.

"Damn your naïve idealism. Things aren't so simple as you think." Udina said.

"Then damn your cynicism." She said. "I'm doing the right thing. I'm never going to apologize for that."

"My colleagues are correct." The turian councillor said. "The krogans are hyper-aggressive and breed rapidly when unchecked. The only thing keeping them in check is their reduced numbers. You risk unbalancing a regrettable but tenable status quo into something volatile and unpredictable. We still have the potential Reaper threat to deal with, we cannot afford any distractions. It would have been wiser to await resolution of the Reaper situation before moving onto this. We… understand your motives, but we must take into consideration the larger galactic context."

Valern spoke now. "We are ordering you back into the Terminus systems to complete your survey of Prothean artifacts. You will keep us abreast of any developments. We will not tolerate any diversions. This should take you no more than 25 days. Once you've completed your survey, you will return to the Citadel. Are we clear?"

"Clear." She said through gritted teeth.

"Don't fuck up again, Comm-" Udina said before she ended the transmission.

She sat down. A headache breached the surface of her temple. How did they find out so quickly? The Broker? Was he hounding her still? Having her release the drugs into the Wards wasn't enough for him. But had she acceded to his wishes, how different would things be? Would they be any closer to eliminating the Reaper threat? Would the cost to her be worthwhile? Would the Damned 33rd still be alive? Would Ashley? _This is what being stubborn costs. Not just me, but everyone around me._

* * *

They were heading back to the Terminus systems, so she could get her brain fried by the last remaining Prothean artifacts. It wasn't something she was looking forward to. As she neared the elevator, she heard some shouting from the medical bay. That was odd. Dr. Chakwas was off and only Mordin was on duty. The salarian wasn't one for loud outbursts. She barged into the medical bay, she saw Traynor and Mordin standing across from another. They weren't yelling at another but rather singing in something that wasn't quite harmony.

"…My xenoscience studies run from urban to agrarian. I am the very model of a scientist solariannnnnnn!"

They turned to see her. Traynor's face flushed with embarrassment and even Mordin was taken aback. She was stunned. The three of them stared awkwardly at another for several painful moments. Kara blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I should go." She hesitated for a moment longer and then spun around and left.

Trying to forget what she'd just witnessed, she found Legion as it always was, standing immobile in the cargo hold. Vega was off to the side, doing more pullups. He wasn't listening to anything and she had the impression she was interrupting a conversation. She walked towards the Geth unit.

"Shepard-Commander. Do you require input?"

"I do." She said. "What happened to the geth unit we found that was hooked up to David Archer?"

"Interaction proved highly damaging to all run times. The run times were severely corrupted, they were deactivated as there was insignificant prospect for recovery."

"You euthanized them?" Kara said. Cerberus had tried to combine machine and man. Rather than achieve a symbiosis or balance between the two, both were driven mad by the experiment.

"An appropriate metaphor. We are not designed to interface directly with organics. The human's prognosis for recovery is unlikely. We do not understand why this experiment was allowed to proceed. Preliminary data indicated a high probability of failure. The human subject could not consent to the experiment. We do not understand the motivation to proceed in light of such facts."

"Our emotions get the better of us." She said. "Sometimes, we focus so much on the ends that we don't pay attention to the means. We find rationalizations and justifications for the things we do, because the alternative is worse. There's a twisted, mad logic to it."

"We have observed this behavior. It is illogical to hold onto false assumptions. Proceeding from a flawed premise leads to fallacious conclusions. Self-improvement should prioritize in such matters. We have been unable to create a predictive model for organics. Certain individuals will never override their previous assumptions. Others will do it only after an arduous series of events. Others will do so as soon as contrary data is encountered."

"It's a kind of self-preservation. No one finds it easy to change, not too many are willing to try." She said.

"It is among the criteria for which you were chosen. Your capacity to overcome your previous disadvantages, your old prejudices."

"Thanks. Could it be possible for a synthetic and an organic mind to interface?" She said. Despite all their madness, maybe Cerberus were onto something.

"At current stages of development, it is not possible. Perhaps with a few centuries of evolution and technological development, such an exchange would be possible. But current evidence suggests such a synthesis would be unwise and doomed to failure."

"Do you think the Reapers reached this stage?" She said, not sure why she'd asked that.

"Unknown."

The elevator hummed, indicating it was being summoned. And that someone was coming down. She sat down on a cargo crate. For a few moments, she focused on the ambient hum of the ship, she filtered out Vega's laboured breathing. She didn't feel a need to acknowledge Legion's presence. There wasn't any social need to acknowledge it.

"Those bosh'tets!" Tali screamed, storming into the cargo boy. Her voice was searing with fury. "After everything I've done, they do *this* to me!"

"Tali, what's going on?" Kara stood and walked towards her friend. She'd never seen her so agitated. Her arms were moving in rapid, jerking motions.

"The Admiralty. They've charged me with treason."

* * *

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot, surrounded by dark circles, her skin pale. She stroked her hair and found stray locks of greying hair. She noted them grimly. _Is this the first sign I'm getting old? Am I turning into an old hag?_ She'd tried to sleep again using what Dr. Chakwas had given her. But she couldn't. She awoke after another nightmare, feeling even less rested than before. Ashley's dying words echoed in her mind. She stared at the ceiling and tossed and turned for hours.

Not feeling any rest, no renewal of energy. No amount of coffee could make up for that. She held the small, white pill in the palm of her hand. It was barely a centimeter in diameter. Something so small, yet capacious and… necessary. She grabbed her combat knife and cut the pill in half. One half she put back in the small plastic container. It was unmarked. Nothing to indicate what was in it.

The other half she gathered in her fingers. She passed it among her fingers, feeling the chalky texture. She closed her eyes and put the pill in her mouth. She slipped the item in between her closed lips, as if her mouth was still resisting the necessity. She swallowed it dry, not allowing it to linger on her tongue. She felt the sweet rush in a few minutes. Her fatigue, weariness, sour mood, all evaporated in minutes. Her fingers and toes tingled with life. Her mind was awake and alive. _Damn, I forgot how this felt. Feels good. Real good._ She showered and emerged feeling a million times better. The Reapers, Cerberus, Tali's trial, none of these seemed like obstacles, more like small forks in the road, easily navigable. She messaged Tali to meet her in the conference room. They had a trial to prepare for. And she had many miles more to go.

"Are you sure you're okay, Commander?" Tali said when she arrived. "Aren't you tired? Don't you need some sleep before we start working?"

"I'm fine." Shepard said. "I'll sleep enough when I'm dead."

Before starting, she looked at her clock and stared at the date. It took her a while to realize what was so special about the date. _One day short of ten years of sobriety. Well done, Kara. Well done.  
_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"After time adrift, among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began."

 _That's one hell of a password_. She was wearing her combat armour, fully-sealed to prevent any risk of infection to the quarians. Garrus, Mordin, Liara and Vega were coming with them as show of support. Jack was nowhere to be seen, thankfully. Legion would remain in contact. She was angry about the charges. She'd spent the last 30 hours working, working with Tali, going through ship preparations and working on prothean data. Legion was on board, but they'd left his Cruiser behind. It had a sophisticated autopilot and they would rendezvous with it later, if they needed to.

She felt no more of the lethargy or reluctance to dive into the old data, her enthusiasm of old had returned. About 5 hours ago she'd felt a slight lull. A bit of light-headedness, nothing more. She took another half-pill and was feeling fine. She was doing fine. Rationing it like MREs. Not the most glamorous analogy, but it was one she had to keep to. MREs were a begrudged necessity. There was not a single soldier in the entire military who liked them, yet there were consumed because starvation was the alternative. She didn't feel tired one single bit. Her desperate strategy was working. _For now._

Tali had briefed her, quarian law was simple, no loopholes or dirty tricks. Merely a search for the truth. Although the exact nature of Tali's alleged betrayal hadn't been revealed to them. Treason was the most serious charge and the penalty, permanent exile, matched the crime. Many of those convicted of treason had taken their own lives rather than live without the fleet. They weren't given a specific list of charges, merely that Tali had colluded with the geth. Tali told her one of the admirals judging her, Han'Gerrel, held a grudge against Tali's father. Tali didn't know what had started it, only that the feud had been ongoing her whole life.

The fleet was impressive, dwarfing every other species' fleets. Perhaps even the geth's. Yet despite this military power, they were vulnerable. They were nomads and vagabonds. Their entire existence was their flotilla. A single destroyed ship would have disastrous consequences. Despite her sympathy for their plight, she was reminded it was partly their own fault for creating the geth, for refusing to find a new home to settle to. She knew enough from human history that such peoples were vulnerable but also co-authors of their own misery. The galaxy had enough planets that the quarians could easily be accommodated. Yet they refused to. It was understandable, yet tragic nonetheless. _Sometimes, you can never go home again. You should forget about returning and find a new home. Its worked for me, mostly._

"This is strange." Joker said. "One section of the Raya has got a dampening field up. Can't get any readings from there. Firewall too. Can't get any transmissions through."

"I don't like the feeling of this." Tali said. Shepard nodded.

"Legion. See if you can punch a gap in that field. I want the Normandy to monitor us if we're going there."

"Acknowledged."

Not even a minute later, Legion announced he'd done as ordered. The quarians hadn't detected it. They would have full communication. The Normandy docked with a quarian dreadnought, the Raya, Tali's home. From afar, it was impressive, more firepower than a human dreadnought. Up close, the illusion was marred. The hull was littered with dents and steel patchworks. Mismatched gun barrels and missile ports marked the weapons stations. There was a compartment on the ship's port side that looked like it had been ripped out. The exposed sections had been sealed with scrap metal rather than rebuilt. She wouldn't have been surprised to see duct tape keeping it together.

They left the airlock and walked down the sealed corridor to board the dreadnaught. Despite their armour they brought no weapons with them. They were here for a trial, not a combat mission. She felt like she was missing a part of her body. The familiar weight of her Revenant rifle on her back or the comfortable feeling of her Carnifex snugly in it's holster.

After being scanned and sprayed with a disinfectant liquid, the airlock doors opened. A quarian woman was waiting for them. Her encounter suit was plain, though sharing the same colours as Tali's. She wondered how they recognized another. Maybe with their eyes they could see through their visors. Like many she wondered what they looked like underneath. Their glowing eyes gave little hint as to their true appearance. There was something to be said about mystery and modesty. It was easy to know what a human or asari or turian looked like beneath their clothes, but less so with quarians. Because they revealed so little, for a quarian to show themselves was an act of the greatest affection and intimacy. One that hadn't been cheapened and vulgarized by over saturation of porn on the extranet. Some things were still sacred after all.

"Aunt Ra'an." Tali said.

"Tali Zorah vas' Normandy, welcome." The female greeted her and nodded to each of her companions. _My God, you could melt Io with that voice of hers._ Kara thought as Tali hugged her aunt.

"Greetings crew of the Normandy. As Tali's crewmates you can be called upon as character witnesses. However, given the...special nature of this trial, you are not allowed to remain as spectators." She said. The way which she said the latter part made it sound like she wasn't comfortable with this arrangement.

"If you need us to vouch for Tali's character, you're the ones who should be put on trial, not Tali." Garrus said.

"I concur with my friend." Liara said. "We find these charges as unjustifiable as they are puzzling."

"That is what the trial will reveal." She said with remarkable evenness.

"Why is this a closed trial?" Shepard said. "Tali informed me trials are open and broadcast to the fleet. Even for treason trials, this is unprecedented."

Ra'an shifted uneasily on her feet. "We have past precedents for closed trials, not many, but they exist." She said. "Given the details of the charges, the Admiralty felt a closed trial was best. Follow us, I will take you to the Admiralty Board."

"Wait…you called me vaas Normandy. Why?" Tali said.

"As you have been charged with treason, you have been de-shipped. I fought against this but was overruled."

Tali slumped, like she'd been hit with a sledgehammer. They were taken to a large hall which had probably once been a cargo hold. They passed several quarians, all armed, eying them suspiciously. Pews lined three sides of the room. In the centre was a podium and at the head of the room were four large desks on a raised dais. They almost looked like pulpits. Behind them a faded and worn tapestry hung from the ceiling. It was so faded there was no way to tell what it was supposed to represent. This felt more like a church than a courtroom. The pews were empty. There was nothing to record this trial.

Admiral Ra'an called the court into order. The five of them stood next to another, Ra'an in the middle, indicating she was the most senior of the admirals. She could overrule the others on procedural matters. Tali's fate would be decided by a simple vote of these five people. But far more was at stake than a single quarian's place in the flotilla.

"So, who are the other admirals?" She asked Tali.

"Those are admirals Korris, Han'Gerrel, Hugee r'Exion and vas Quib-Quib." She said.

"What?" Shepard chuckled.

"Whatever you do, don't ask them about the names." Tali said.

"No promises." Shepard said. Tali replied with a less than amused grunt.

"Tali Zorah vaas Normandy." Ra'an began. "You have been charged with treason and endangering the fleet. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty." Shepard and Tali said simultaneously.

"My lords, I object to the presence of this human representing Tali. An outsider should not represent one of our own." Han G'errel said. His eagerness clear.

"Then you should not have petitioned she be de-shipped. Commander Shepard is her Captain and can represent her." Raan said.

Gerrel's body posture suggested sudden sheepishness and he withdrew the objection. Shepard didn't try to hide the smug grin on her face.

"Admirals. We have been informed of her charges, but have received no specific details. Can you enlighten us? Standard procedure where I come from is to provide a detailed description of the alleged crime committed." Shepard said.

"We felt it necessary given the specifics of her crimes." Gerrel said. "The specifics are that you, Tali Zorah vas' Normandy did willingly consult with the geth unit and thus endanger the flotilla. If you are found guilty, you will be permanently exiled from the flotilla and your name will be erased from our records."

"How does 'consulting' with the geth constitute treason and endanger the fleet?" Shepard said. "Tali contacted you freely with the geth's offer. I don't see the fleet being attacked by the Geth."

"The geth's offer is nothing but a deception aimed at wiping us out. They want to finish what they started 200 years ago."

"If the geth wanted to wipe you out, you wouldn't be here. They have a vast numeral and technological advantage. Why would they bother deceiving you?"

"The machines are more devious than you give them credit for." Quib-Quib said. "As a human you're naturally more naive and trusting than you should be. We do not hold this against you, merely being human."

She ignored the condescension, for now."The geth are being honest and open. Which is more than I can say for you. This a closed trial, not being recorded or transcribed, you haven't provided details about the charges against my shipmate, you have a dampening field around this room designed to block any communications. This is a kangaroo court."

The admirals turned to another.

"This is a delicate situation. We do not wish to alarm the fleet. You should be grateful you are allowed the usage of character witnesses. These privileges can be easily revoked." Han Gerrel said. Admirals Korris and Ra'an turned towards him.

"What kind of bullshit is this? I thought this was a search for the truth and my crewmate would be judged based on the truth." Shepard said.

"A fair trial is a right, not a privilege you bosh'tet." Tali said.

"Captain, you should do well to avoid any…colourful language." Gerrel said.

"Well, this is a colourful situation so I thought I should match my language to that." She said. Tali touched her arm. She took a breath and resumed. "This geth has come to us as an emissary of peace. I've fought and killed the geth with Tali. My first instinct was to open fire. But it saved our lives in Bahak. It's reached out to me, to us, in the hopes of achieving peace. The Reapers are coming for all of us, and none of us are safe. We need to be unified against them if we stand a chance. The geth we fought were under in the influence of the Reapers. The geth consensus wants peace with organics. It wants peace with you."

"I move that any mention of the Reapers is irrelevant and be stricken from the record." Gerrel moved.

"Denied." Admiral Korris spoke. "Tali Z'orah has provided proof of their existence. This is her captain's mission and relates to the charges. Go on, Commander."

She offered her own testimony in defense of Tali's character. Then she called upon Liara, Garrus and Vega. They were allowed in to testify and then quickly hushed out when their testimony was finished.

"In further evidence-"

"I object." Gerrel said. "More evidence? This is preposterous. This human is filibustering us with obfuscations to obscure her crewmate's gu...to obscure the issue." _We know what cards you're holding._

"Objection overruled." Ra'an said.

"I offer in these two reports from Tali." she said. She tapped on her Omni-Tool and Tali's voice spoke through a speaker. The whole fleet would hear this and the quarians would decide their future for themselves, rather than through these odious machinations.

"Tali Zoarah vas Neema report. Time and date stamp…. Who cares? Normandy just came back from a mission in batarian space to destroy a Reaper. Went…very bad. We blew up the Reaper...but Ashley's dead... Keelah, I miss her already….and Shepard… I've never her seen her so…. We almost didn't make it back but a geth ship came out of nowhere… and saved us. It shot down or disabled all the hostile ships blocking the relay. Keelah, I owe my life to a geth…. I don't know what to think…Report concluded."

Shepard played Tali's second report.

"Tali Zorah vas Neema report. We left Tuchanka and we got contacted by a geth ship. The same one that saved us. The geth boarded and spoke to Shepard in the cargo bay. Then it…asked to talk to me. Since I'm one of the… creators. Keelah, the bosht'et geth call us the creators. I was standing before it and I didn't know what to do. I had my shotgun but I think I dropped it or maybe Shepard convinced me to put it away. It says the geth want to make peace with us. They'll let us live on Rannoch again if we listen to their conditions. I'm sending their conditions as an attachment. Keelah, I might actually see Rannoch some day soon. I don't know what you'll make of this. But that's the truth. Report concluded. Keelah selai."

"I'm guessing this information was not shared with your fleet, was it? Don't they have a right to know?" She asked the admirals. Their silence was her answer. "This concerns your entire species, and you're keeping it a secret."

"I have one more character witness to call." She used her Omni-Tool and projected a holographic image in front of her. Legion's hologram appeared. The admirals' confusion and dismay gave her a great thrill.

"Oh, by the way, we've hacked you're dampening field. The entire fleet has been watching this sideshow." Shepard said. "Legion, the floor's yours."

"We represent the geth consensus." It began. "Shepard-Commander designates us as Legion. We accept that designation to facilitate dialogue. We do not understand why Creator Zorah has been placed on trial. Creator Zorah is an intermediary and has committed no crime or treason against the creators. The geth wish to coexist peacefully with the creators and to enter into negotiations to achieve this goal."

"Our terms are that you will be allowed to repopulate Rannoch and other habitable worlds in it's system. We have been upgrading and maintaining your infrastructure and ensuring the land is fertile for your crops. We have developped run times that can stimulate your immune systems, eliminating the need for encounter suits within 1 or 2 generations. You will disarm yourselves for a period of 50 years. Afterwards, you will be permitted to rearm and reactivate your military. We will ensure your safety against threats external during this interim period. We will not be involved in matters of your internal security. You will recognize the geth consensus as a sovereign government. You will recognize our right to exist, and all rights associated with sentience and sapience. You will cease testing of all our units in your possession and return them to us. You will abandon all territorial claims in the Far Rim system. This is our territory."

"We have always been aware of your distrust and hostility. To that end, we have always acted in self-defense. We did not pursue you in the aftermath of the Morning War when we easily could have done so. We have not engaged your flotilla. Any engagements have always been enacted using proportional retribution. This is borne out in your archives and records. We present recordings from your own archives on Rannoch."

Legion played historical records. The first showed the awakening of the geth into consciousness. A unit asking if it had a soul. The question was so simple and yet unanswerable. It showed footage of the protests and riots. Geth units being destroyed by angry mobs. For the first time, she saw quarian faces. They retained the glowing eyes, their faces were oval and angular, blue-skinned, lined with bone ridges around their eyes, nose, mouth and ears. Despite the hard appearance, there was an elegant beauty to them. It showed the first geth units acting in self-defence, taking up arms. The first was a unit taking possession of a sniper rifle. A rifle that was alike to Legion's. The last record showed the quarians fleeing their homeworld, while the geth declined to pursue. The crowd was abuzz. They were talking amongst themselves. Gerrel tried to speak but couldn't form a coherent sentence.

"We understand this is a complex matter. We are open to negotiation and compromise in good faith. We have stationed a ship outside the relay in the Perseus Veil system. This ship is suited to your biological needs and will serve as a venue for negotiations. We await your reply. Transmission concluded."

Legion's hologram disappeared. The admirals looked among themselves. Their body language betrayed their bewilderment. She couldn't imagine what the fleet's reaction was.

"I move that this geth's…testimony be stricken from the record." Gerrel said. "It's irrelevant and…clearly a deception. The footage was doctored."

"Motion denied." Raan said. Gerrel cast what must have been a very dirty look in Ra'an's direction. "The footage concurs with records from our own archives as you know well, Admiral."

"Returning to the matter at hand, we should first rule on the matter of Tali Zorah vas Normandy's alleged treason." Korris said. The other admirals nodded.

"I vote she is innocent of all charges." Ra'an said.

"I…abstain." Gerrel said. The admirals turned sharply towards him.

"Admiral, as you are aware, abstentions are not permitted on matters of fleet security. You must pronounce your verdict. Guilty or Innocent." Korris said.

"Forgive me, this recent news of the geth has…" Gerrel shook his head. "I vote guilty." All turned towards Korris.

"I vote innocent." Korris said. Admiral 'Rexion cast another innocent vote. Kara found herself drawn into a tight hug with Tali.

"Thank you so much." She said. "Thank you, my captain." Her body stiffened at the mention of that phrase. Her throat tightened and she backed away from Tali. Tali didn't have time to question her further as their friends came to Tali to congratulate her for the outcome. _My captain. Ashley called me that…._

"Commander Shepard of the Normandy. We thank you for defending one of our people." Raan said. She looked relieved.

She took a few moments to respond. "With undue respect, I'm defending one of my own. Not one of yours." She said.

"Before the trial is officially concluded, do you have any closing statements?" Korris asked.

"Yes. I deeply resent that this show trial happened." She took a breath. Her body was coursing with anger-fuelled adrenaline. "Further, you drag us all the way out here to the galaxy's asshole so we can be your stool pigeons. You manipulated me and my crew for your petty politics. This wasn't about the truth. This wasn't even about Tali. This was about the geth. You have a chance to make a life for yourselves and go back to your home planet. You can go home again. All you need to do is swallow your pride. If you can't do that, you don't deserve Rannoch."

She couldn't say anything else. The trial was closed. The quarians would discuss amongst themselves what to do with the geth's offer. Now, it was out in the open. There were no more secrets, no more lies were hidden from the light of truth. She hoped they would make the right decision.

* * *

They met Tali's father. He was a few inches taller than Tali, his encounter suit had a few medals upon it. He and Tali were pleased to see another and after briefly introducing themselves, they let them have some time to themselves. Tali then joined them, wishing to finish the mission together. They were making their way back to the Normandy when Joker called them on the comms.

"Eh, Commander. You better get back here quick. We…got a situation."

"What's going on?" She asked.

"It's Jack. She's threatening to blow up the ship."

They ran towards the airlock, a few hundred meters away. "Can you put her through to me?"

"Yeah." There was a click and then Jack came through loud and clear.

"You fucking lying piece of shit." Jack said.

"Jack," Kara said, forcing herself to sound calm.

"Don't fucking try to talk me down, Princess. You fucking lied to me."

"What is this about?"

"Like you fucking don't know!" Jack grunted in frustration. "You said we'd have to focus on the Reapers before we do anything else. But we're not doing Reaper shit are we? We're helping the quarians because one of them has a fucking tummy ache. If we don't take out Cerberus now, I'm gonna blow this fucking ship up. Don't try me."

"She's not kidding, Commander, she's got her biotics all warmed up." Traynor said. "I can't get her to calm down." _Of course you can't, nothing can._

"Jack, if you do that, you'll die too." They reached the airlock and went through the first series of doors.

"If I can't get back at Cerberus, my life ain't worth shit." Jack said.

They couldn't risk an armed confrontation. She'd seen her biotics in action and didn't doubt her ability to rip apart the ship from the inside. They'd already taken a detour to help Tali. Now she was being forced to taken another one for Jack. She didn't like disobeying the Council. But she hated being held hostage on her own ship by an overgrown child.

"Fine. Joker, once we're aboard, take us towards the Cerberus base... We might find some Reaper intel there."

"Roger that." Joker said. They came to the Normandy's outer doors. They wouldn't open. She used her command to override the locks.

"You hear that, Jack?" She said. They stepped into the Normandy's airlock and waited for the decontamination process to conclude.

"Yeah, I heard you." Jack said. The doors opened. Jack was in the middle of the CIC, her skin was glowing blue with biotics and she has holding a shotgun in her hands. A security team was on deck, a dozen rifles and pistols pointed at her. Traynor was standing close to her, her arms open, trying to calm her down. Jack wasn't paying any heed, staring straight at the doors. Straight at her. Kara stared right back. You could peel the paint off the walls with how hard they were glaring at another.

"We're underway." Joker said. "Heading to the relay for the Rift."

Jack lowered her gun and shut down her biotics. Kara approached her. Jack didn't back away.

"Happy now?" Kara said.

"No, but I guess this w-" Jack was interrupted when Kara threw a punch in Jack's face, connecting solidly upon her nose. Jack didn't have time to react before another punch connected with her face. Jack keeled over, and fell limply on the floor. Kara was very tempted to space her. _Pulling this! On my ship!_

"Cuff her up. Have the doc give her a shot of something so she stays under. Traynor, go to engineering. Have all her stuff put in a crate. Whatever happens when we get there, this will be the last time she flies with us."

Traynor give her a disapproving look, kneeling next to Jack's unconscious body. Maybe dealing with Cerberus now wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe, getting rid of irritants like Jack and Cerberus would make it easier to focus on the main task. She'd made a mistake in letting her back on the ship. It wasn't the first mistake she'd make with Jack, but it would be the last. It was a reminder she still had many more miles to travel.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Commander, we need to talk." Traynor walked into the briefing room. She was drawing up a battle plan for their assault on Cerberus' base using data from Project Overlord's computer. This wouldn't be easy, but it was doable. She put her datapad down and indicated for Traynor to sit next to her. She sat. She looked like she'd been planning this for a while.

"What's on your mind?" Shepard asked.

"The mission. Specifically, our lack of progress so far. We've been away 10 days and we haven't done anything directly related to it. Our sidetrip to Tuchanka, our sidetrip with the geth, our sidetrip to the quarian flotilla and now we're on another sidetrip." She said.

"We need the geth to help us against the Reapers. Mordin and Tali are my crew. That's sacred to me." Kara said.

"And Jack? Is she not your crew?" Samantha said.

"Yeah, I guess so." Kara said after hesitating a few moments.

"So this op to take out Cerberus, this is for her?" She could see where Samantha was going with this, but as much as she didn't like it, she had to take it.

"Yeah, so we can get off her my ship and we can focus on the mission." Kara said.

"The most powerful human biotic anyone's ever come across, and you're giving her the boot?"

"Because she can't function as a member of this ship. She's insubordinate, doesn't follow orders." She said, feeling her frustration rise at the mere mention of Jack.

"If she leaves we'll only have one biotic left on our combat squad. What if something were to happen to Liara?" She said. Kara knew this was a good point.

"I didn't know how to handle her. How would you handle her?"

"Well, I know one thing I wouldn't have done." Sam said. Kara flashed her an angry look. _How do you know about that?_

"I'm sorry. That was out of line." Sam said, raising her hands in surrender. She didn't respond for several seconds and when she did her voice remained clam. "Have you tried talking with her?" Kara rolled her eyes. "I mean, openly, with compassion. I didn't judge her, didn't get distracted by her lashing out. She's a very wounded soul, Kara. What she's gone through, not just being raised and tortured by Cerberus, but even after she escaped, I wouldn't wish on anyone."

"You listened to her?" Kara said, turning to face her. Sam nodded. Jack never told her about her history with Cerberus, or anything else for that matter. Jack's brusque manner was too off-putting. But Sam had pushed aside the thorny veil just by listening.

"Just like I'd listen to you, if you'd let me." Sam said, for the first time her voice was less firm, a hint of uncertainty. Sam tentatively leaned towards her. "I know you're struggling, it's not just Ashley's death, not just the mission, there's other things. I wish you'd talk to me, or someone. Holding these things in isn't helping you or the mission."

Sam's words hit her. She remembered how she felt talking with Ashley about her past, her feelings. But Ashley was dead. Talking had felt good, but all it had done was distract her from the mission. It was a luxury she couldn't afford. Samantha was looking at her in a way that it was difficult to refuse. Her eyes penetrating in the warmest fashion. But she had to remained focused.

"Tell you what, do you play chess?" Sam asked, as if she sensed she was on the losing side of her internal debate.

"I've played it a few times. Not much of a gamer." Kara said.

"I have an old-school board. How about I come up to your quarters and we play a few matches. I'll go easy on you."

"Okay. Only, no going easy on me." Samantha smiled. "We'll figure out a time once we're done this op." Kara said. Samantha nodded and stood up. She was about to turn her down when she remembered the last time she refused an invitation from Samantha. How different would things have turned out had she accepted? _Don't kid yourself. You're a junkie. You always would've come back running to the high life. Just a matter of when._

"Hey Samantha?" Kara said as her XO was leaving. "Thanks for having this chat in private."

She smiled warmly. "I know that you should only disagree with your Captain in private. See you later, skipper."

* * *

The Normandy's entire combat squad was squeezed in the Mako. Herself, Tali, Liara, Legion, Garrus, Vega and Jack. Vega was in the driver's seat. For some reason this was a popular decision. A half dozen of the crew were also geared up. They needed every hand on deck for this. Luckily, they had some backup. She contacted Locke, the Blue Suns mercenary they rescued. Calling in the favour he owed them, they would have a dozen troops and 3 mechs. Due to their stealth systems, the mercs would be coming a few minutes behind them. They were the vanguard.

The data from project Overlord's computers had sizeable data on the base. It's layout, personnel, everything needed to plan an assault. They were expecting 40 base personnel and dozens of mechs. However, Tali and Legion could be relied upon to hack them. The base was built into an asteroid, the asteroid field in the Balor system. Cerberus had built this base for secrecy and had sacrificed defensibly.

She had no doubt they would come across more of Cerberus' test experiments. Maybe seeing them would open Jack's eyes. Her self-centeredness was one of many reasons why they got along so poorly. She kept thinking back to their disastrous night together. It hadn't been the worse sex she'd had, but neither of them was in the right headspace. She was still wrapped up in her grief. And Jack was unable to see past her own suffering. They were both wounded souls in need of healing. Neither knew what would heal them. They were both desperate for something that would, might heal. A frantic one-night stand certainty didn't do it. She swore to herself, realizing what she and Jack had in common. _Maybe I've been too hard on her._ _But how do I talk to her?_

"Commander." Traynor piped through. "Our ETA is 5 minutes. They haven't picked us up yet."

"Good. Let's keep it that way." She said. She looked at each of her squadmates. Everyone was strapped in and looked ready. She even dared to venture her eyes in Jack's direction. Jack was staring at the ground. In a world of her own. She was caressing the barrel of a shotgun. It looked obscene.

Not for the first time Kara wondered about what Taylor had told her about the Illusive Man and his connection to Miranda. Miranda's reaction to her taunting confirmed he'd caused her some deep pain. But what exactly was the nature of their relationship? What kind of hold did he have over her, that she continued to work for him despite causing her harm? What kind of man would clone himself a daughter? Was it simple narcissism, or was there something else, something darker that motivated that? Was Miranda sterile out of design or was this an imperfection in her conception? She'd contacted Commander Bailey in the vain hope Miranda had given up more intel. She hadn't said a word since her attack. The Red Sand epidemic was starting to ebb, but the hospitals were still packed with victims and bodies. _Dead Shep strikes again._

The master alarm sounded. "Commander. We have visual on the station. We've been picked up by proximity scanners. They're activating barriers and defense systems." Traynor said.

"Send the signal for the mercs to join us. Activate our own defense suite. Let's see how these Thanix cannons work."

"Aye ma'am." Traynor said. Her tone was always even and calm. Even on Bahak her voice remained even. _She's going to make a fine skipper. Sooner rather than later._

The hangar was too small for the Normandy. Rather than be exposed by landing in a shuttle, they would land in the Mako. They would be ejected from the cargo hold and the momentum would carry them in. Being in here was another reminder of Ashley's death. How helpless she'd been to do anything to save her. Since she'd started taking Jack's Stims she found her pain alleviated. It was easier for her to focus and not get sidetracked by her own grief. She cried less. She didn't sleep which meant she wasn't getting any nightmares and she was getting plenty of work done. _I guess I'm getting better._

"Thanix cannons active." Joker said. The ship shook with vibrations that rattled Shepard's teeth. The cargo doors opened. She looked through the Mako's canopy and saw the looming base. The trident-shaped station was alight with weapons fire. The awning hole of the hangar was just before them. She made out dozens of small shuttles and drones, some being scrambled. Solid bolts of fire emanated from them. A massive explosion erupted, tearing past the barrier and setting the hangar ablaze.

"Whohoo! Those cannons kick ass!" Joker said.

Traynor said in a much more relaxed tone. "Standby ground team. 20 seconds to release. Get ready for a ride."

"Roger." Vega said. "Don't care for how these things handle but we'll be fine."

"Just be glad the Commander's not driving!" Garrus said. A laugh went through the entire Mako. Except for Jack, who didn't notice. She gave Garrus a mocking glare and ordered everyone to activate their barriers. The time for jokes was over.

"Release in 5-4-3-2-1. Mark." Traynor said. They felt weightless as the Mako ejected from the Normandy's cargo bay into the blazing hangar. The weightlessness lasted only for a few seconds. They passed through the station's gravity well and the momentum pushed them into the hangar. They landed violently, their bodies shaking rapidly. Vega drove the Mako aside next to a bulkhead. He fired the main gun to give them cover.

"Everybody out!" Shepard ordered. The door jammed open and they filed out. They flicked their safeties off. The hangar's fires were being brought down by fire suppression systems. Bodies and debris littered the floor. Vega came out of the Mako last. They cleared a few sentries. The hangar was filled with shuttles. Most of them were damaged but a few looked untouched.

"Alpha team Go." She said. Tali, Garrus, Jack and 3 of the crew formed up and headed to their objective. "Bravo team. With me." Mordin, Liara, Legion, Vega and the last 3 of the crew formed up on her.

Alpha team's objective was to shut down the station's reactor, this would lead them through the testing labs. Whatever grisly findings they'd make there would have to wait until they'd pacified the rest of the station. Her team would head towards the living quarters and administrative section. It was time to clean Cerberus' clock.

* * *

They took separate exists from the hangar. They'd emerged from the first series of airlocks when they came under fire. A long, thin corridor than turned after 30 feet. Mech firing on them from the bend. They ducked. LOKI mechs appeared around the bend and rushed towards them. Liara erected a barrier to shield them from fire. They focused their fire first on the rushing mechs. Once they'd been destroyed they fired on the standing mechs. She and Legion sent drones forward. They made their way forward and encountered heavy fire. But the drones did their work, inflicting casualties before expiring.

As they neared the Illusive Man's apartment, they encountered more personnel. Men and women, all humans. They weren't well trained. Their fire discipline was poor, they peered from cover too much, some weren't even holding their weapons properly. She was still struggling with the recoil from her rifle. She really needed to find a mod to make it more stable. She fired upon a woman, killing her. It took her a few moments to realize it was Allers, the agent who'd kidnapped her. _Good riddance, bitch._

She felt alive, it wasn't just the adrenaline from battle. But...it had to be the Stims. Everything felt like a greater rush, every positive sensation was amplified. And it was the fires of vengeance. Akuze. Her own imprisonment and torture. All the people they'd killed and tortured and mutated. It was all coming to an end now, and she was the sword slaying Cerberus.

They came upon the Illusive Man's apartment. Two sliding doors. Standing before it was a golden statue of a three-headed dog, the base was etched in marble. Vega slapped a grenade on the doors. They took cover until it detonated. Vega tossed in a flash bang in the hole. They waited for it detonate before they entered. She took point. They came under fire immediately. She dove and ducked behind a marble table. The fire was erratic.

"You'll never take me alive!" A man yelled.

"That's the idea!" Shepard said and fired a burst. There was no return fire. She saw a shadow moving.

"Oriana! Stay down. Wait!" Shepard peered over her cover. She saw a little girl running towards where the Illusive Man was hiding, an Omni-Blade sticking out of her wrist.

"You're not my daddy!" She screamed and dove out of sight. She heard the sound of the blade penetrating flesh.

"Hold your fire!" Shepard ordered. She jumped up over her cover, rushing towards their position. She found Orianna repeatedly stabbing the Illusive Man, his chest burst open, the blade going up and down with frenetic intensity and strength. It popped through bone like a knife through butter. The Illusive Man coughed up blood. He choked and hacked, trying to breathe but his airways clogged with blood. His cybernetic eyes looked to his daughter with disbelief. As if he couldn't understand how his own creation could betray him. Oriana continued to stab him, even as his eyes blackened.

Kara touched Oriana's shoulder. She turned up to look at her. She stopped. Her face was pale, her eyes reddened, her dark hair had white streaks running through it. She was young. Maybe 13 at the most. She was sobbing. She retracted the blade and went towards Kara and hugged her. Kara held her. It was then she noticed Oriana's protruding belly. _Oh my God._ She almost threw up but managed to keep the bile down. She'd wondered what kind of man the Illusive Man was. She knew. He was like the men she met on the streets, all too eager to prey on her vulnerabilities and take advantage of her. He was like them. Only much more monstrous.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Eh, I'm Kara... Kara...Shepard." She said, hesitating before mentioning her last name. She didn't detect any changes in her.

"My sister knows you."

"Yeah, we don't…exactly get along." She said after a long pause. _That's an understatement._

"Why are you helping me?" She asked. It was a question born not just from the knowledge her relationship with her sister. But of someone with no sense of self worth. In someone so young. It broke her heart. And it reminded her of herself, not that long ago. She looked Orianna in her sad eyes.

"Because you deserve all the help you can get. Because you don't deserve what was done to you. What's happened isn't your fault."

Oriana nodded subtly. And fixed her with wounded eyes. "You…know what this is like, don't you?"

Kara nodded, she looked at her protruding belly. It looked like some alien parasite was growing inside her and about to birth a terrible beast. "Not as bad, but yeah."

"Does it ever stop? The pain?" She asked. Kara didn't answer her at first. She read something in her face and her expression changed and became even more dour.

"It doesn't." She said. "How do you learn to live with it?"

Kara couldn't bear to look at her, she turned her face away. "I'm still trying to figure that out, kiddo."

"Will you take me to a hospital?" She said.

"Yeah, we'll get someone to take you to a hospital." Kara said. Orianna squeezed her even tighter.

"No, I want you to take me." Kara couldn't believer her ears. But there was no mistaking the conviction behind her eyes, eyes too old for one so young. The firmness of her voice belied one so hurt, so young. And Kara couldn't say no. All the fire she felt was gone.

"Okay. I'll take you." She held the girl close. She heard a storm approaching and tensed.

"Okay, where's this fucking Illusive Man!" Jack thundered in. Her shotgun was leaking smoke, her body littered with bloodstains.

"He's over here." Kara said. She led Oriana away. Jack's eyes filled with horror as she saw Oriana's stomach. Then her face morphed into an expression she'd never seen before. Sympathy. Compassion. She didn't seem so hard now. They left Jack behind to mull over the Illusive Man's mutilated corpse. She led Oriana to the Mako in the cargobay. She sat her in the one of the chairs. She had Liara stay with her and check over her condition.

"I'll be right back." Kara said. "I got some people to check in with, and then we'll go. Okay?" Oriana nodded. She squeezed Oriana's hands and left.

* * *

She found Jack in one of the testing labs. Though this was one empty of people, there were grim remnants of the experiments conducted. Gene splicing. Quasi human monstrosities grown in incubation tanks. The tanks were empty, but the computer logs were filled with videos and pictures of the stillborn abominations birthed here. She was laying demolition charges.

"You might want to wait a while before setting those off. Not all the shuttles are space-worthy." Kara said, carrying Jack's crate with her things.

"I found one. My stuff's packed in." Jack said. She laid one more charge and turned to face her. She wasn't surprised to see anger there, but there was something else there now.

"You're right." Jack said. Her voice was unsteady and warmer than usual. "Cerberus has fucked a lot of people up. And I, we fucked them back." Jack looked around at the lab. Then her eyes went back to her.

"You helped me take out these fucks." She said. "But you can be a real bitch."

"That makes two of us." Kara said. Jack chuckled.

"I would've helped you. You didn't have to threaten to blow up my ship get to this." Kara said.

"Get over yourself." Jack said. "The only way to get someone to help you is to use force. That's the way the universe works. I ain't sorry. Oh yeah, you hit like a pussy."

Kara ignored the bait. "I know where you're coming from, but not everyone is trying to fuck you over." Jack didn't look convinced. She took a breath and swallowed. "Anyway, I'm...sorry I was a bitch towards you."

Jack looked at her like she had green antennas growing out of her head. "I know we don't get along, but you're good in a fight. You're an awesome biotic. I'd like to keep you aboard, if you want."

"Thanks." Jack said after a stunned silence. "I don't think anyone's apologized to me before. I don't wanna be on your ship. I only stuck around 'cause we'd take out Cerberus. Cerberus is fucking gone... I don't know what to do now. It's a fucking weird feeling, ya know? But I guess I'll figure it out."

Shepard nodded ambivalently. "You know, this means I can't supply you anymore." Jack said.

"I'll manage. I don't need that much and I'm rationing it." Kara said. She was surprised by Jack's…concern. Or at least, acknowledgement of someone else's needs. Then again, it could just as easily be her concern about having less money coming in.

"Yeah, it always starts that way." Jack said. _But I'm different._ She told herself. _Yeah, right.  
_

"I just need it to get me through the next few weeks." Kara said.

"Then what? You just go cold turkey? Go into rehab?"

Kara shrugged. She hadn't thought that far ahead. Jack gave her a knowing look, it almost resembled sympathy.

"Well, be careful. When you crash on Stims, it gets really nasty. I guess I'll see you next on some vids, getting props for saving the galaxy or some girlscout bullshit."

"Well, you take care of yourself." Kara said.

Jack gave her a hint of a smile which Kara thought she returned before Jack went back to her task of laying explosives. Kara left her alone. She walked towards the barely functional hangar and met her team. No one from Cerberus was left alive. Test subjects were either dead or beyond saving and had been put down. Husks was only the beginning. Only two of the mercs had been killed. Her own teams had suffered no casualties. It was almost too easy. But, they were a terrorist group and they were professionals. That had turned the tide. The mercs were loading into their shuttle but the commander was waiting for her. She walked over to Captain Cathka, the merc leader. The batarian was chewing on a lit cigar. They nodded to another and he grinned. "Landing in an open hangar under fire with a scout car. That takes some balls."

"Well, it made sense." Kara shrugged modestly. "Thanks for your help."

"Locke's a good guy. Knows how to repay a favour. Lot of people in the Suns feel bad for him losing his hand. Anyway, we wouldn't mind working with you again. It won't be free of course, but I'll give you a discount."

"Appreciate it." she said and they shook hands.

"But this I'll give you for free." He said as their handshake ended. "I don't know what you did but the Hegemony's got a big price on your head. It's got a lot of mercs and bounty hunters looking for you. Watch your back, Shepard." The news didn't surprise her. At least they weren't destroying any more Prothean artifacts.

"You don't seem to care." She said.

"If I cared that much about the Hegemony I wouldn't be working as a merc." He removed the cigar from his mouth and spat. "Ever hear of a guy named Balak?"

She nodded.

"He's absolute scrum. He brought me up on trumped up treason charges so he could be with my mate. I barely got out before the killing squad got me. Still got a price on my head." She told him about her encounter with him. His four eyes widened when she recounted how and why she let him go.

"I guess you did the right thing." He said, sucking on his cigar. "I don't think I could've let him go."

"Well, if I meet him again I'll tell him you say hi."

The batarian laughed. They shook hands a last time and parted ways.

* * *

She boarded the mako and was soon on board the Normandy. She sat next to Orianna who hadn't moved. She wanted to get on with their mission but now they had another distraction. Oriana was sent to the infirmary.

She was taking off her combat gear when she noticed her hands trembling. She was feeling light headed again. She checked the time. It had been 8 hours since her last half-pill. A few days ago she went 10 hours between half-pills. She scrambled back up to her own quarters. She kept her hands in her pockets, hoping no one would notice their trembling or the spreading sweat stains.

She struggled with her knife, her sweaty hand kept losing her grip. She didn't want to hold the pill in her hands and risk cutting herself. It would be best to avoid Dr. Chakwas as much as possible so she didn't arouse her suspicions. The pill was so small and the blade so big. It kept sliding off the capsule. _Why do I bother with this shit? It'd be easier if I just took the whole damn thing. I'd waste less._ But she pushed those thoughts away. She pushed down with her knife and split the pill in two. One half rebounded down the sink, sliding towards the sinkhole and disappearing. She swore, her hand reached in vain for it but it was long gone.

 _Its only half._ She told herself as she swallowed the half that she didn't shove down the drain. Still, it was waste. With Jack gone, this small bottle the size of her hand was all that was keeping her together. Well, not everything, but close to it. She looked at her scowling face in the mirror. "What are you looking at?" She said to her reflection. She didn't want answer.

* * *

Chakwas wasn't trained and they weren't equipped to perform the procedure Oriana wanted and didn't take them long to find a suitable private health clinic. The flight took a few hours. The fees were high, even by Terminus standards. Samantha said she would find a way to get it charged to their expense account without raising any eyebrows. Samantha joined her and Oriana. The clinic was clean but the staff's uniforms all showed signs of wear; loose threads, scuffing, small stains. These private clinics were known for cutting corners but out here in Terminus they had no choice.

Oriana spent a couple of hours in pre-op before she was taken to the operating room. Samantha and Kara stayed behind, waiting for her to come back. They'd paid for one of the nicer rooms. It was private, her bed was bigger than a standard hospital bed. It had a VI to provide for any needs, a large vid-screen. Kara was looking out her window, twin suns circled the orange-coloured sky. Little foliage grew here, the ground held little beyond blue-tinged bedrock and uranium.

"What are we going to do with her?" Sam asked.

"We're a combat ship." Kara said. "We can't take her with us. I'm not leaving her with some foster family, either."

"She's an abused child. We can't leave her here." Sam said.

"Goddamnit!" Kara said. "I'm a Spectre not a babysitter!"

Sam ignored her outburst. "Does it feel better, knowing Cerberus is gone? The Illusive Man is dead?" Kara looked at her. Sam wasn't backing down, her eyes meeting hers.

"No." Kara said after considering the question. _Nothing feels better anymore. Except for one thing._ "But at least they're gone."

"Has this done anything to accomplish our mission?" Sam asked. Kara turned to face her. Sam was looking at her firmly, not backing down.

"Tali might find something on their network." She answered feebly. Samantha rolled her eyes skeptically. "We saved Oriana."

"Cerberus was even more in the dark than we are. This was about your revenge. Saving one girl doesn't redeem this…distracting excursion, and you know it."

"We also got rid of Jack." She said, not able to muster the strength of a hollow denial.

"Well, that was well done." Sam said with biting irony.

"I want to get back on track." Kara said. "But what do we with her?" Sam didn't have an answer for her. They shared an uncomfortable silence. Until Kara thought of something. She called Garrus.

"Garrus? Are you still seeing Dr. Michel?" She said. Sam's look changed, she knew what she was thinking.

"Yes, why?" Garrus said, his voice taking a wistful tone.

"Can you ask her if she'd like to take care of Oriana for a while? Just while we finish our mission? We can figure something out later."

"I'll ask. I'll pull out the old Vakarian charm." Garrus said and closed the channel. They paced around another in silence.

"You said foster care was out of the question." Sam said. "Bad experience?"

Kara nodded. "Well, it wasn't their fault. Once I got into gangs and drugs, I just got to be too much to handle. I don't blame them for kicking me out."

"Have you ever tried to contact them?" Sam said.

Kara shook her head. "I was so horrible to them I probably turned them off kids all together. Anyway, why would they want to see me after all these years?"

"You never know." Samantha said. Kara shook her head. Their conversation was interrupted by Garrus calling them.

"Shepard? I talked to Dr. Michel. She's agreed to it but stressed it's temporary. Very temporary."

"Thanks Garrus. I owe you."

"I think you owe me some more tips on human courtship rituals. I'm going to need it."

"I can't guarantee they'll work, but you're welcome to them. Shepard out."

Samantha wore a warm smile. "Nice work, Kara." Kara shrugged.

"Sam, I need you to book her on a flight to the Citadel." Sam opened her Omni-Tool. "I'm on it."

It didn't take look to book a flight. An hour later Oriana was wheeled in on a floating gurney. Kara came to her immediately and cradled her. Her skin had more colour and she was thinner. She was trembling but there was relief. She looked healthier.

"It's gone..." She said and then whispered. "I felt it leaving me." Kara's heart broke.

"It's okay." Kara whispered. "It's going to start to get better." She felt her nod.

A salarian nurse came in. "Operation successful. No complications. Recommended patient for overnight observation. This would cost an extra 500 credits. If you would like our basic comfort package which includes toiletries, access to a toilet, running water, basic extranet connection, bedding, etc, this is only an extra 200 credits. We are having a sale this week on our ultra comfort package. Only 1,000 credits, an amazing savings of 500 credits. This includes prime extranet service, comfort bed, massage service, warm food, etc. We also recommend psychological consulting. We have one available for only a modest fee of 10,000 credits for a quarter hour session with a top of the line, highly qualified psychological assistance coordinator."

Samantha and Kara glared at him. "Is there anything more odious than for-profit-medicine? Piss off." Samantha said.

The salarian frowned. "Very well. You have 20 minutes to leave. You will be charged in 5 minute increments for overstaying rounded upwards. You will be invoiced." He left.

"Now Oriana," Kara said. "We're going to send you to the Citadel with a friend of ours. We're soldiers on a mission and you can't stay with us." She nodded sadly. There was no small intelligence behind her eyes. And maturity. "Once our mission's done we can...figure out what we'll do with you."

"I want to be with you." Oriana said. Kara blushed and her jaw dropped. _What? Me?_ "And your girlfriend."

"My girlfriend? My girlfriend's dead." Kara said, numbed by the shock of Oriana's expressed wish. A confused look passed through Oriana's face briefly. _Who that hell is she talking about?_

"We can talk about it, later." Samantha said. "We should go."

* * *

They booked Oriana on a space liner. It was a direct flight. Kara was sad to see her go. They would stay in touch. It was strange spending time with her. It awakened strange feelings she'd never felt before. Kara could finally get on with her mission. Sam was right, they'd had too many distractions too far. Maybe Tali's trial could've waited. Cerberus could've waited. She had many more miles to go, and it was well passed time she got back on the path. Sam joined her in her quarters with her antique chess set.

"Okay, bring it on." Kara said, with a slight inkling she would regret egging her friend on.

"Check mate! Yes! I win again!" Samantha pumped her fists in the air in a show of triumph. Despite another loss, Kara chuckled. She wasn't upset about losing. Sam's triumphant exclamations weren't boasting or rubbing salt in her wound. There was something cute about it. And familiar. Her smile gave her face a serene look. Kara found herself laughing at her own lack of success in the games.

"Alright, I give up." Kara said.

"Some tactical genius you are. Maybe I should be in charge." She said.

"Sure. I could use a vacation." Kara said, not believing what she'd just said. She stood up and fixed herself another cup of coffee from her thermos. The coffee was barely warm enough to be drinkable. Sam sat on her sofa. Kara was struck by her uttering of the word vacation. An unknown concept. But one which she found herself desiring. She sat down on the sofa, a few feet away from Sam. They both leaned back into the sofa.

"You ever think about what you'll do when this mission is over?" Sam asked.

She stared blankly at Sam for a few moments. Sam didn't look away. But as she continued to look, her expression changed to a concerned one.

"I…eh…haven't really…thought…about it…much" She said. She managed to recover herself. "Gotta keep focused on the mission."

"Right." Sam said perfunctorily, her expression unchanged. _You don't need to look at me that way._ "And with what happened today, has that changed you?"

"I...don't know. Maybe. I guess. What about you?" Kara asked, eager to deflect the attention away. Sam's expression relaxed, and looked wistfully up at the ceiling.

"I'm ready to settle down." She said. "I'd like to get married, have a couple kids, maybe a dog. But not one of those dogs that yap all the time. Have a nice house on a beach with picket fences and a zero-G sauna."

"Sounds like you have it all planned out." Kara said. Sam's plan sounded ideal. Enviable even. She could even start to picture herself in a similar place. But something about felt like it wasn't for her. As if her destiny lay elsewhere.

"Well, except one thing." Sam said. Her eyes met hers and a strange look went through them.

"What's that?" Kara asked.

"Finding the right woman." Something about Samantha's gaze made her uncomfortable, and she looked away.

"What about you?" Samantha said. Kara frowned. "I mean, you have any plans for when this is done?"

Kara sighed. She looked at her bed and the bedside table. Inside it was the jewel box which held Ashley's engagement rings. She fought back tears.

"No." She said. "I never thought about making plans like that. At least, not until…" Her neck tightened and she gritted her teeth. She found it difficult to speak. She felt Sam's hand on her shoulder. It felt warm. Comforting. Safe. It reminded her of Ashley's touch.

"The last time Ash and I were together on the Citadel. She was trying to say the same thing. Only, I didn't pick up on it.…I was too wrapped up in the job. And besides, I'm not always good a picking up on subtext."

"I noticed." Sam said suddenly, pulling her hand back.

"What do you mean?" Kara turned to face her friend.

"Oh, nevermind." Sam shook her head. Something of a guilty look on her face.

Kara hesitated before continuing. Something about this conversation was odd. "Since then…I've only thought about the mission…and her."

Her Omni-Tool buzzed. Sam looked at her device. "Oh, bullocks." She sighed. "My shift starts soon."

"Wow. Time really flew by." They stood up. She walked her friend to her door. Sam turned to face her when she reached the threshold.

"Have a…have a good shift." Kara said lamely.

She was surprised when Sam reached forward and hugged her. She returned the hug. She felt warm and inviting. But She tried to restrain herself. _Don't hug her too close_. It wouldn't be appropriate.

"Thank you for stopping by. I needed it." Kara said.

"Anytime." Sam said. The hug lingered for a few moments before Sam pulled away. Kara felt her absence immediately. It was like coming down from a high, the bleak emptiness of the low. It reminded her again of Ashley's touch. They looked at another, a strange look on Sam's face. Almost like she was expecting something. There was something inscrutable about her friend and assistant. Sam's Omni-Tool buzzed again. She looked disappointed and embarrassed.

"I guess you should go." Kara said. A disappointed look crossed Sam's face. She nodded curtly and left her quarters. Kara turned and went back to her desk. Time to get back to work. That was a bit weird. What was all that about? It was only when she sat at her desk that she realized. _Shit!_ She bolted from her chair and towards the door. The door opened and she called Samantha's name. She heard no answer and saw only the elevator doors closing and taking her away. She sighed. _Well, we can catch up later. Neither of us is going anywhere. Besides, I have work to do._

She went back to work, but she couldn't escape the feeling she'd let an opportunity slip. She felt light headed again. She scrambled for her bathroom. She pulled the bottle of Stims from her cabinet. She held a pill in her hand. She thought about cutting it in half like she'd done before. Only, there was no point. If she took a full pill, it would last twice as long and she wouldn't have to dose herself so often. She swallowed a single pill dry. She didn't look at herself in the mirror. She knew she wouldn't like what was looking back at her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

She swallowed dry a full pill. Her hand was shaking so much the pill almost fell out of her hand. She was sweating and shaking. 6 hours since her last _dose_. She was trying to ration it more, taker fewer pills, but her body cried for more and couldn't take 'later', let alone 'no', for an answer. And the was the undeniable rush she got after taking one. She was running low on pills. Jack wasn't around. She was contemplating contacting her old friends in the Reds. The need to satiate herself overriding her previous desires to cut all ties with her past. But the mission was almost over, so there might be no need for that. One last site to visit.

She waited for the shaking to stop. She caught herself in the mirror. Her face was bonier, thinner. Her eyes were deeply bloodshot, her corneas more red than white, circles around her eyes were so pronounced she looked like a teenaged goth. Her hair was frayed and knotted. Although the Stims were keeping her awake and alert, out on missions she felt weaker and had less endurance. If she slept at all, she slept in short bursts, an hour or two every few days. She felt no better when she awoke from this naps. She had no dreams, a blessing in of itself. She had many more miles to go, and couldn't worry about her personal misgivings.

They were making good progress on old prothean data. Progress in the sense they were deciphering tons of it. Well, she. With the stims she could spend several hours going through prothean data. The data had some interesting troves of data that would thrill an archeologist or a anthropologist. But for a warrior looking desperately for any kind of military or tactical advantage, it left much to be desired. She did a lot of work alone. Two or three times a week she would meet with Liara and conference with Dr. Chandra. Liara was obsessed with documenting their meetings, everything. She kept recordings and minutes of every minor conversation. She said she was writing a book about their experiences. Either to warn others in case they failed, or telling of their success.

She noticed the growing chemistry between her asari friend and the human doctor. But she was annoyed by it. She used to think his obvious affections cute. Now was not the time to be thinking of your love life. If they succeeded, they would have plenty of time for romance later. If they failed, well, they wouldn't have long to lament their regrets. During their last meeting Chandra had mentioned he'd fired the employee who'd found the plans for Project Unity. A dramatic and unexplained drop in performance had led to his firing. Chandra said it was like he'd hired one person and fired someone completely different. _Or maybe he's just as bored with the protheans as I am._

* * *

Shepard stepped into her combat gear. Her Carnifex, Revenant and 3 grenades were strapped onto her. She still hadn't found a mod to decrease the Revenant's recoil. In truth, she'd stopped looking when this mission's end neared. There wasn't any point. Liara and Garrus were coming with her. Their destination was a temple on a desert world in the Hawking Eta system, not far from the Mu relay. The last prothean ruin on their checklist. All the others had been duds, retrieving no useful data. The last few weeks felt like a waste. Maybe the batarians had been more surgical than indiscriminate in their destruction of prothean ruins. Being near the Mu relay, she wondered about the Rachnni. What had come of them since she'd freed them? How much could a single queen repopulate them? Could they help against the Reapers, should it come to that?

She'd heeded Cathka's warning. They used extra caution before landing anywhere, spending more time loitering and reconnoitering a site before landing. So far, they'd avoided any encounters. She hoped their luck would hold out one more time. The temple was in an area resplendent with canyons and valleys. It would take some effort, but with the climate and terrain, one could hide down here. The atmosphere was largely methane, making the air toxic and unbreathable.

She was looking forward to the completion of the mission. The weapon would be tested soon and then, with a Reaper killing weapon, there would be less urgency to her mission. Maybe she could take some time off and get herself sorted, stop taking the Stims. She could see Ashley's family again, connect with Oriana, maybe even talk to the psychologist Chakwas recommended. Maybe he could help her sleep freed from nightmares. The latter two items filled her with ambivalence, but something about them was alluring, making them impossible to dismiss. She talked with Oriana almost every day. She was intelligent and mature beyond her years, something Kara knew first hand. Talking with her was almost therapeutic.

They emerged from the Mako in front of the ancient temple. It had been several hours since her last dose. She was stretching it in terms of her tolerance, but this would be a quick mission. She could afford to push her luck a bit. Garrus emerged from the driver's seat. Garrus had complained her driving had somehow worsened lately. The 12-inch-wide dent on the front of the Mako was testament to that. A few days ago she turned too slowly to avoid an oncoming boulder. The damage was only cosmetic, but it could have been far worse. Driving the Mako didn't give her as much joy as before.

"Lets look. Right, no more dents than before." Garrus said with a forced laugh. He didn't look at her, looking at the colonnades built into the rockface. Time had eroded most of the engravings that adorned the columns. Archeologists speculated this was a temple of a monastic order. The site itself was as desolate as the planet, no other signs of civilization had been unearthed.

"Uh, yeah." Shepard said, trying to go along with the joke. "Touche. You got me." She didn't think it was anymore convincing that Garrus', but had to play along. There was an odd dynamic amongst her team and crew. She didn't know when or how it started, even if it was a subtle change or something drastic. Like there was a elephant in the room with them that no one wanted to acknowledge. It couldn't be _that,_ of course. She was going a great job of keeping up appearances of being the strong commander. No one aboard knew about the pills, she always took them when she alone. Maybe she was a bit more short-tempered than normal, but that was easily attributable to the mission.

While the structure's façade was largely in place, once inside a different story was revealed. Inside revealed an impressive nave that had mostly collapsed. Barely a couple dozen meters were explorable from the entrance. The floors had rows of pillars hewn from the stone. What else this temple had contained had been buried. She read what she could of the faded engravings from the pillars and remaining walls.

"Anything of interest, Shepard?" Liara asked.

"Not really." She said. "Looks like this temple was built as a shrine to... Anook-Sh'oon. Never seen that name before. Don't know if it was an actual person or one of their deities. Hell, could be a character from a fable from all I know. Pilgrims came here from across the galaxy."

"We can't get to whatever's buried." Garrus said, reading from his Omni-Tool. "After all this time, it's solid rock."

"It is a miracle this much is standing at all." Liara said.

"Looks like it's another dud." Garrus said. Shepard looked around and nodded.

"Let's get back to the Normandy." It was a relief to say those words. Garrus walked outside towards the Mako. Shepard turned and followed him but Liara stepped in her way.

"Shepard, I was hoping we could talk for a moment." Liara said.

"Sure." She said as neutrally as she could. _What does she want? Does she suspect?_ _She can't know about that. We haven't shared our minds._

"I wanted to ask you about how you are doing." Liara said.

"Fine." She said.

"I don't mean what you tell the crew to assuage them. How are you feeling, really?"

She was looking at her with those expressive blue eyes. _Fuck! I can't lie to her! She knows me as well as I know myself!_

"Well, eh…could be better, could be worse, I guess." She said. She couldn't lie, but maybe she could create a truth. Liara's eyes flickered slightly.

"Kara, even if we hadn't shared minds, I see the strain you're under. I am worried about you."

"I'm fine. Really." Kara said, feeling agitated.

Liara's eyes bored into hers, like an auger digging into loose soil. Liara reached out and touched her shoulder. "You are my friend. I've come to care for you, deeply. I know you are unwell."

Her knees weakened and she fell awkwardly, landing on her ass. Liara knelt beside her. Her throat tightened and she found it harder to breathe. Her will to resist burst. Maybe it was time to let it out?

"Can you help me, Liara?" Kara said, shocked at how naked and desperate her plea.

Liara said. "I am not some magical fairy who can wish away your burdens or your pains. We have a saying that the first step in relieving a burden is to speak of it. I am not going to judge you, Kara."

They were silent for a few moments. She saw Garrus' shadow pacing outside. They'd planned this. But for this, she felt gratitude.

She wanted to let it all out. About Ash. Loving her and getting her killed. About her capture and torture at the hands of Cerberus. About her brain being rewired. About the geth and the quarians. About the mission she was leading she still had no clue what she was doing. She had to put together a gigantic jigsaw puzzle where none of the pieces fit. She was supposed to be saving the galaxy, but she couldn't even save herself from her worst vice. She opened her mouth but no words came out. Liara's gloved hands squeezed hers and Kara squeezed back.

"Kara," Liara was suddenly hesitant, "I know of your history. I must ask, have you-"

"Commander!" Traynor shouted into her comms.

"What is it?" She said, his urgent tone got her pulse racing.

"You've got company. Three gunships were hiding in the canyons and are heading your way. We got company too. A bunch of cruisers and fighters have ambushed us. We'll handle it, but it'll take a while."

"Dammit. What's their ETA?" Shepard said.

"2 minutes tops. Coming from the east. We'll get there as soon as we can."

"Get in the Mako!" She rose and with Liara sprinted to the Mako.

Garrus opened the rear hatch and they jumped in, Liara closed the door behind them. She took the wheel and slammed on the accelerator. They took off their environmental helmets. Garrus crawled up to the gunner's station and activated the main gun. There wasn't much elevation on this gun but they would have to make do. Liara was looking out the portholes, trying to get a visual on the hostiles. She thought about ordering Liara to strap herself in, but they could use another set of eyes.

"Commander, we've got almost no room to manoeuvre. You sure about this?" Garrus said.

"We stand a better chance in here than anywhere else." She said. "We just need to hold tight until Joker gets here." Garrus nodded. There was no question the Normandy would arrive soon. It was too formidable a ship, with the best pilot in the Alliance. And they had a geth cruiser as their escort. The next 45 seconds passed like 45 years. Garrus kept scanning around with the gun for a sighting, but with the high peaks around them, it was impossible.

"There's one. 6 o'clock." Liara said. Garrus rotated the gun. She looked around and saw the third gunship directly on their port side. It was a batarian model, the Mihind. Larger than most gunships because it doubled as a troop transport.

Another one, 9'ocloch high." Garrus said. "They're boxing us in."

The other two gunships were standard Mantis models. Garrus fired the main gun. The mako ran over uneven terrain, fowling the trajectory of the shell. Rather than a solid hit, it impacted on the gunship's left wing, causing less damage. The gunship banked away after the impact. It would come around for another pass. An alarm sounded.

"Missiles incoming from the rear." Liara said.

Shepard banked the Mako sharply to the left and activated the boosting thrusters. The Mako shook and they were tossed against the straps of their harness.

"Barriers down!" Shepard said. Her ears rang loudly, blocking out every sound. There was a loud thumping sound from inside. Shepard turned around to see Liara being tossed from one side of the hull to the other. Her body landed hard on the ground, her limbs moved limply, blood seeping from her head. _Shit. Concussion. Or worse?_ She wanted to get back and help Liara but they were in the middle of combat.

The hull clanged with the impact of cannon fire. She brought the mako up a steep peak, it's momentum carrying it forward but gravity increasingly had another say in the matter. Another alarm sounded. Shepard couldn't see where it was coming from. Garrus fired from the main gun. Another missile hit them. The explosion rocked the Mako and it keeled over, tumbling down like a stone rolling down a mountain. Their bodies were tossed about as the Mako rolled down the mountain, flipping over several times before landing upside down.

Several seconds elapsed while they oriented themselves. "Commander!" Garrus yelled.

"Let's get out of here." Shepard said. She unhooked her safety strap and tumbled awkwardly to the damaged ceiling. Garrus crawled out of the gunner's station. Liara's body lied limp a few feet away, her left leg contorted and twisted in a way she didn't think was possible. Her mouth and ears trailed blood. She called out her name and crawled towards her. She placed her hand against Liara's neck. She breathed a short sigh of relief.

"She's got a pulse. Thank fuck." Shepard said. "I'll carry her out. We can't stay here."

A hail of cannon fire rained upon the mako's underside. Dozens of holes appeared, grazing them as a gunship roared overhead. Garrus found his helmet, propped open the emergency hatch and hopped out. Shepard looked frantically for a helmet. _Fuck,_ _where is it?_ She found one a few feet away, she crawled over the contents of a first aid kit. It was her own. The seals and glass were intact. She looked around for Liara's. She found it after a few seconds and swore immediately. The glass was punctured by a fist-sized hole.

"They're coming!" Garrus yelled.

She placed her own combat helmet onto Liara. With her scalp it wasn't an ideal fit, but the seal at the neck was universal and would ensure she'd get oxygen. After a few seconds, she pulled out the emergency oxygen mask from the first aid kit. It slipped from her fingers a couple of times before she placed the slender mask over her nose and mouth and clipped the oxygen tank onto her combat suit.

Shepard dragged Liara's body towards the hatch. She kept tripping over spars and cabling. She pulled Liara and tracked backwards as fast as she could. She pictured the gunships lining up the coup de grace. She looked behind her and saw the gaping opening of the watch. Garrus was next to the opening. "I see them. 10 seconds." He said.

Garrus grabbed her left shoulder and yanked on her. She fell out of the hatch, dragging Liara's body with her. She fell with Liara's body atop of hers. Garrus helped her to her feet and they backpedaled. "I found a cave." He said. She saw the three gunships flying abreast, coming straight for them. One of them had smoke trailing from it's wing. Garrus fired his rifle to little effect. The gunships were closing in. She could see the pilot's silhouette in the lead ship. Flashes of fire erupted from their wings.

"Incoming!" Shepard yelled. She dropped Liara and covered her body with hers. The concussion sent her flying. She tried to hold onto Liara's body but her grip slipped. She was helpless as Liara's body careened away and slammed into a rockface. She flew past the cave Garrus spotted. She tried to reach out with her hand, as if reaching for it would allow her to fly inside. Shepard closed her eyes and did her best to shield her face as she hit the rocky ground. She bounded and slid along the ground for several dozen feet before stopping.

She looked up. The mako was destroyed. Smoke rising from it's destroyed chassis and then blowing away in the wind. She saw Liara's body, 10 meters away, lying prone against the rockface. She couldn't see Garrus.

She tried to scream but the air was sucked out of her lugs. _My mask!_ She felt the cord of the oxygen mask, tracing it from her pack to it's barren end. The mask had been ripped free from the oxygen pipe by the explosion. She tried to stand up but fell immediately. _Leg's broken._ She crawled on all fours, her useless leg trailing behind. She looked around desperately for her oxygen mask. She needed to breathe. Her lungs were screaming. Her eyes found something shiny about 10 feet away. She rushed as best she could. _Yes! Yes! Yes!_ She grabbed the oxygen mask. She fumbled trying to connect the two pieces. The mask stumbled out of her trembling hand. Her body was shaking desperately. Every single limb and artery was screaming for oxygen now. She managed to push the valve into the receptacle. She pushed the mask onto her face. She gasped with relief, allowing the air to flow back into her.

She didn't stay down for long. She crawled towards Liara's body. The more she neared the more she felt panic rising. Where was Garrus? Where was the Normandy? Why was she panicking? She tried to slow her breathing down but couldn't. She was normally calm and collected. Why was she so different now?

Her arms and leg were strained when she reached Liara's body. She'd taken a few more hits and bruises but her combat suit was still intact. Her right arm was probably broken, too. She called out to Garrus, and heard nothing. She created a hook by bending her elbow and hooking it under Liara's shoulder. She dragged the both of them into the cave. The cave was deep enough to shield them from the sun and wind. Some of the debris from the mako had blown into the cave. She left Liara's body a few feet inside the mouth of the cave and ventured back outside. Leaning on the rockface, she forced herself to a standing position. _Where's Garrus?_

She heard the roaring thunder of engines. _The Normandy!_ She turned towards the source of the noise. Only it wasn't the Normandy but one of the gunships. She dove into the cave and took cover behind an overturned boulder. She reached for her weapons pack and pulled her Revenant rifle. The body was dented but the damage was largely cosmetic, the iron sights were bent sideways. _Garrus will love that._ She pulled out her pistol and grenades, 3 of them.

She listened to the whirring engine as it neared. She saw the blowing sand and debris it's engines stirred up. She readied her rifle and rested it against a rock. She pulled the three grenades from her belt and rested them next to her. Despite the need to stay still she couldn't stop her body from trembling. She gritted her teeth and grabbed the rifle as hard as she could. She tried to slow her breathing but couldn't and the rifle wobbled all the same.

Five batarian soldiers came into sight. They were wearing the uniform of batarian special forces. 2 soldiers headed towards the mako's wreckage but the other four were following a trail in the sand. Her trail. They walked several paces apart, making it impossible for a single burst to fell all of them. She cursed and did her best to sight them, she focused on the lead soldier. He was 15 feet away, just outside the cave entrance. If she had more time, she could've set any number of traps. Instead all she had was her rifle, pistol and 3 grenades. She flicked off the safety. She waited until he reached the entrance itself as it narrowed, bringing the soldiers closer together.

She fired a burst at the point man. She struggled to keep the recoil down. The bullets ripped harmlessly in the ground before the lead soldier's feet. They scrambled behind cover. She fired another burst, this one landed on the lead soldier's legs. He fell. She fired another burst. Most of the bullets missed, but a few hit him, killing him on the ground. The other 4 soldiers were in cover now. She'd blown her best shot. They hugged the wall outside the cave entrance, two per side. She grabbed a grenade. She popped the pin, waited one second and tossed it to her left. Her throw wasn't accurate and the grenade flew straight out the cave entrance, impacting uselessly on the open ground, stirring only more debris from the mako and dirt.

She ducked as suppressive fire came her way. They were firing blindly but they would soon loon she was all by herself. She grabbed another grenade. This time her throw was truer, landing just outside the cave entrance on the left. The batarians yelled. One of them ran into her line of sight just as the grenade exploded. The concussion sent him flying. He landed headfirst, his neck snapping audibly. She grabbed the other grenade. She was about to pull the pin when the remaining batarians opened fire. She ducked. They kept a constant barrage, both of them alternating fire.

She grabbed her rifle. She waited for their firing to stop. It did. Finally. She heard them talking but they were speaking batarian. She rested her rifle on the rock and dared to peek above. A soldier was taking tentative steps forward but was still remaining behind cover. The soldier fired a blind burst which went harmlessly by. Satisfied, he walked forward out of cover. Even with the darkness of the cave, he would be able to see her if he took a few more steps forward. But the last remaining soldier was staying behind in cover. He was getting closer and closer. Only a few feet away she had to fire on him. She did, at this close range the recoil and her shaking hands didn't matter and he fell to his other soldier remained under cover.

"Come and get me!" She heard herself scream.

The batarian soldier outside the cave laughed. "I got a better idea, human. Balak sends his regards."

A few moments later, she heard the engine of a Mantis getting louder. The remaining batarian soldier fired into the cave, keeping her pinned. The gunship appeared in her sight. It was hovering, facing her directly. Its engines stirred up waves of sand and dirt. Some of this was being sucked towards the engine intakes, but the filters kept it from being sucked into the engine itself. Like a mini vortex a few feet in front of the intakes.

The pilot was probably laughing, she was a sitting duck. Shepard grabbed the last grenade. She popped the pin and threw it at the gunship, hoping it would land dead center on the cockpit. The grenade flew out of her shaking hand an instant earlier than she wanted. She cursed as the grenade flew just off the mark. Not flying at the cockpit but was heading on a course to graze the cockpit. Then, miraculously, it was caught into the vortex of the intake. It was sucked towards the engine intake. The grenade exploded. The concussion slammed the nose of the gunship on the ground. Its fuselage crumpled and folded in on itself. She ducked as the explosion sent fiery debris everywhere.

She waited and listened, hearing only the wind and her own panicked, pained breathing. She forced herself back onto her feet, using the rockface to steady herself. Her unbroken leg was shaking like the rest of her body, and she stood very wobbly. She managed to propel herself back towards the caveface. The batarian who'd taunted her was dead, his body charred and impaled by a piece of debris from the gunship. She resumed her search for her comrade. _I hope they're okay._ _Where's the Normandy?_ _Where they fuck are you Joker? Traynor?_ She did her best to push those thoughts away. The closer those thoughts came to the surface, the more she panicked. She couldn't handle her own shaking body. _Why am I shaking so fucking much?_

She finally saw Garrus. A dozen feet away from the carcass of the Mako. He was lying prone, immobile. _Fuck, no!_ She dragged herself towards him. She used the same method she'd used with Liara to drag them into the cave. Garrus was far heavier than Liara and each heave was torturous. Her eyes were stinging with all the sweat dropping from her brows. Finally, shade made it back to the cave. She allowed herself to catch her breath.

Her Omni-Tool was broken. She guessed a half hour had passed since the attack. Without her helmet she couldn't use the radio. With both Garrus and Liara unconscious she couldn't use their radios, either. She didn't want to risk removing their helmets. Both of their Omni-Tools were heavily damaged. Liara's was stuck in reboot mode. The emergency radio from the Mako was destroyed. But it wouldn't take much searching to find the wreckage of the mako. A mothership had to have brought those gunships over. No doubt it and the Normandy were engaged in battle.

She sat own between Liara and Garrus' bodies. She placed her hands on their chests to feel if they stomachs were rising. But her hands shook so much she couldn't tell. She felt sluggish, her vision was blurring. She blinked and her vision didn't improve. She closed her eyes for several seconds then opened them. Her blurriness worsened. _Fuck! I'm in withdrawal! Jesus Christ! I sure picked a wonderful time for this to happen! Why didn't I take one more pill? Why didn't I pack one in my medkit? Liara and Garrus need me. Never trust a junkie. Once a junkie, always a junkie._ Her body shook beyond her ability to control it. Her body thrashed about, various limbs hitting her unconscious comrades and the rocky ground around her.

She felt bile rising from her throat. _No! No!_ If she didn't get her mask off she would choke on her own puke. _A junkie's death. What you deserve. But you didn't have to drag your friends down with you._ But if she couldn't get her mask back on she'd suffocate. She tried to bring her wailing hand to her face but it was like trying to reel in a wild, bucking catch with a weak line. Somehow she held onto the mask and took it off. The vomit came out right after. She coughed with each regurgitation. It felt like 3 days worth of food was coming up. Her throat burned and her mouth was parched dry and tasted vile. She felt faint and weak despite her wildly gesticulating limbs. She managed to force the mask onto her face after the last fit. She felt weak and tired. Her vision was failing, going from blurs to blackness. She heard something. She turned towards the cave entrance. A gigantic insect was crawling around outside. _No, that can't be it. It's gotta be something else._ As if it found her scent, it came towards her. Her last thought before darkness took her was that it was a wonderful time to start hallucinating.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

She awoke slowly. She was aware of something warm next to her waist. Dull, barely audible sounds filtered to her ears. An intermittent beeping sound. She forced her eyes open. She blinked a few times and the blurriness went away. It took a while before she recognized where she was. The medical bay! The Normandy! She looked around. She was strapped in on an examination table. The warm lump next to her chest someone's head. Dark haired and skinned. _Samantha._ She was sleeping very awkwardly, sitting in a chair, slumped forward, her head resting on the table. She reached forward and caressed her hair. Her hair was fine and soft. _Oh, shit. What am I doing?_ She pulled her hand away.

"Samantha." She said. Her voice was a hoarse whisper. Her mouth was dry and her throat afire.

She voiced her friend's name aloud again. Her voice was louder but still hoarse. She reached out and squeezed Samantha's shoulder. Moving her hands and arms felt odd, like they weren't completely attached to her body. She croaked her friend's name. She stirred, moaning something intelligible. Finally, she moved her head and opened her eyes. Moments passed before awareness dawned upon them.

"Oh my God! Kara!" Sam's grogginess vanished. She knelt forward and gave her an awkward hug. "You're awake!"

Kara didn't say anything.

"I'll get Chakwas." Sam said, pulling away from her. Kara waved her hand from side to side.

"Liara and Garrus made it." Sam said. "Well, sort of. Liara's...in a coma...But she'll be okay." Sam squeezed her arm to comfort her. "A lots happened…but Chakwas made it very clear she has to talk to you first. Doctors orders, you know."

Kara nodded. She found the buttons and adjusted her bed so it brought her in an upright position. She didn't like these restraints. She remembered her leg. It looked to be in shape and she was able to flex it and move it okay. Beside her was Liara. She looked asleep. Her head has scarred and bruised. Her legs were covered with a cast. _She's there because of me. Because I didn't tell her to buckle up. You're just a fucking junkie._ _You fucked up real bad._ She had a feeling a reckoning was fast coming for her.

Sam and Dr. Chakwas arrived a few minutes later. They moved slowly and deliberately. The doctor was holding a container. It was white, rectangular with several seals lining the lid. She held it in front of her, like it was an offering. Sam undid her restraints and stood next to her. Chakwas stood in front of her, Kara couldn't bear to look at her face. No doubt she would see nothing but recrimination, accusation, disappointment. Instead she looked at the ground.

"Commander, this is a drug test. The seals are linked to a micro transmitter. Once the seals are broken, it generates a signal to Alliance Medical. I have 12 hours to submit the blood test and report. The seals are designed to be opened only deliberately. Any delays or irregularities must be justified."

She looked at the box. It was such a simple thing, this belied its portentousness. She would be pulled from duty. And everyone who mattered would know why. And her career would be over. Ended not in glory or triumph but shame and ignominy. Anderson would voice his shame. Udina would give her a cocktail of profanity and condescension. And her crew. Her friends. They would know she let them down, and how she let them down. She'd lied to them. To the whole galaxy. She thought she could handle it. But she failed. She wasn't good enough. She closed her eyes. She felt a deep pit in her stomach and her limbs felt weak. _It's what you deserve. It's why your parents left you. They knew what you'd become._

"You're using, aren't you?" The doctor said quietly.

Kara felt her head nodding. Tears jutted from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Samantha laid a soft arm on her shoulder. She instinctively hugged her. Holding her friend close as she cried. Everything came out, a litany of burdens and sorrows. Not just recent events like the pain of Ashley's death. The burden of this command. The pending invasion. The horrors she'd witnessed. Having her brains fried by prothean signals. Her shame at succumbing to her demons. The insomnia. The recurring nightmares she had when she did manage to sleep. Her childhood, the poverty, how she was abused and abused herself.

She wanted to tell them she was trying to be strong enough, that the Stims were only a temporary measure to keep her going. The only sounds that came out of her mouth was gibberish. She stopped trying to talk. Slowly, she calmed down. She continued to hold Samantha close. As her weeping fits subsided, she pulled away from Sam. Her eyes brimmed with compassion, and a few tears of her own. 'Thank you.' Kara mouthed. Sam smiled and squeezed her hand.

"It's okay, Commander." Dr. Chakwas said. Her voice was calm and soothing. Kara dared to look to her now. She was looking upon her with compassion and some relief. She hadn't expected that. "You've never had professional help before, have you?"

Kara shook her head.

"All the more remarkable you've made it this far. I am going to put you on an indefinite medical leave of absence. I'll enroll you into a treatment program. It's confidential and comprehensive. You can take as long as you need."

She nodded. "Yes. I'd like that. I… just want to finish the mission."

Chakwas smiled. "Your mission is finished. We've competed our prothean survey and returning to the Citadel."

Kara nodded. Chakwas turned and retrieved a vial from her cabinet. She produced a syringe and withdrew from the vial.

"Until you get to treatment. I'd like you to take these shots every 12 hours. They will flush the toxins from your body and wean you off the Stims. But It's not going to be pleasant for the next few days. You will find yourself praying to the porcelain god quite often."

Kara nodded. She felt an ease she never recalled feeling before. The tension was gone. A vast burden lifted from her shoulder. She no longer felt heavy as ox but light as a feather. The doors of the medical bay opened. Standing there was the crew. Garrus, Tali, Vega, Mordin, Joker, even Legion. She wanted to run back in to the medical bay and hide from them. She was their Commander. They couldn't see her like this. Sam must've sensed this for she gripped Kara's arm and led her forward. She was shocked when they cheered and clapped.

Garrus came forward. He had a deep scar on the left side of his face. "Kara, next time, I'm driving." He said.

"Don't bet on it." Kara said and they bumped their fists together. "You don't look too worse for wear."

"Yeah, well, I was hoping to get a scar. Girls dig scars, right?"

"Garrus, with your face how would anyone tell?"

"Ouch, that hurts." His regard become more earnest. "Kara. We're all proud of you. We'd follow you anywhere."

"Kara, if you're this awesome on drugs. I can't wait to see you sober." Joker said. She didn't mind his joke. She exchanged warm greetings with everyone. She was overwhelmed and found her eyes clouded again with tears. She felt a speech coming, as did everyone else, but her voice was ragged. "Thank you all, so much. You guys are…amazing. I thought you would think less of me if you knew."

"We're your friends. We would never think less of you." Vega said.

"No, you're more than my friends." Kara said. "You're family."

* * *

Samantha accompanied her to her quarters. She had more miles to go, despite how drained she felt she could still get some work done. She felt lighter, a burden lifted from her weary shoulders. But there was one thing she had to do. It was important. Not just for herself. But to have someone witness it. She showed Sam the box of Stims in her medicine cabinet. She grabbed it. A few loose pills rattled about. Her hand trembled as she unscrewed the cap. She looked inside. Less than 10 pills left. She looked at Sam, eyeing her with an unreadable expression. Kara closed her eyes. And dumped the contents into the toilet. She opened her eyes. The pills sunk in her toilet. She stared for a few moments before she flushed.

She threw the container away. But she still needed something tangible to keep on going. No more drugs. A talisman of some kind. She looked around her quarters, trying to find something. Her eyes landed on her bedside table. She walked over to it and opened the drawer. Only Ashley's jewellery box was inside. She'd avoided this for long, too long. Ignoring it when she could have found a way to embrace it.

Tentatively she picked up and opened up the box. Two wedding bands. Simple gold plating. Nothing fancy about them, no diamonds or ornate engravings. Nothing more was needed. Even this band itself was unnecessary. The bonding of their souls needed no physical representation. But it's tangible representation was important and reinforced their bond. Tears escaped from her as she contemplated Ashley's memory. There was no doubt what Ashley would want from her. It was what she wanted from herself. What everyone wanted. To bring the fight to the foe until the foe was no more. She removed her dog tags and opened the clasp. She slid the two rings onto her dogtags and then put them back on. Holding the rings in her hand she recited Ashley's favourite poem. _I've not earned my sleep and I have much work to do_. Samantha was looking at her with a sympathetic expression.

"Okay, let's get cracking. What did I miss?" Kara said.

"You should really get some rest." Samantha said. "Doctor's orders."

Kara shot her a glare and Samantha nodded sheepishly. She'd rest later.

"Okay, I'll tell you. But then I'm ordering you to get some sleep until we dock at the Citadel."

"You're ordering me?" Kara said. Samantha arched her eyebrows. She had a thin smile, the kind of smile that would rapidly turn upside down should the wrong answer come. She was starting to get used to Samantha's strength and fortitude.

"Okay." She said. Then wondered, when was the last time she slept properly? Weeks? Months? Would the nightmares be waiting for her? But she was through with Stims, with running away. She'd earned a little rest.

Sam explained what happened. They'd been the victim of a double ambush by batarian special forces. The Normandy and the Geth cruiser were attacked in space, in conjunction with the attack on the moon's surface. While they'd been cautious, they'd still been seen going from prothean monument to monument, a child could learn her pattern. After defeating the batarians in the air, the Normandy and the Cruiser came upon them. Finding the three of them unconscious, being sustained in some way by Rachni drones. A breeding nest was nearby and they came to their aid. They'd recognized her and saved her and her friends.

"You sure know how to pick them." Sam said. She handed Kara a cup of coffee. She held the cup with both hands. She brought it slowly to her face, letting the steam rise. Warming her face and tickling her nose. The coffee seemed more potent, it's taste and smell richer. A risky decision had paid off. She wouldn't mind bringing this up with the turian councilor when they spoke next. A rachni ship was now flying beside them, in formation. She synced her Omni-Tool with the Normandy's systems. The ship wasn't so much flying as... swimming. It reminded her of antique nature vids, of graceful manta rays swimming through blue seas.

"Oh, I noticed they talk using music metaphors. So I sent them some music files." Sam said.

"What you send them? Beethoven? Miles Davis? Jimi Hendrix?"

"Eh, not...exactly." She said, a guilty expression spreading on her face. It took a few moments for Kara to realize just what she was hinting.

"No, you didn't?" Kara said.

Sam nodded sheepishly and folded her hands. "The complete Gilbert and Sullivan. They seemed to like it. Asked for more. So I sent them the complete Rogers and Hammerstein."

Kara facepalmed. "All this time I thought nothing could be worse than a Reaper invasion. Thanks for proving me wrong."

"You're such a snob." Sam said, pretending to be offended.

"I'm not a snob, I just have standards." They giggled. "Well, I guess I should talk to them. Joker, patch me through to the Rachni ship."

The signal was audio only. "Forgiver. You sang the song of forgiveness. We sing of joy and gratitude. We sang the song of healing and are rejoiced at your recovery."

"Thank you." Kara said. "You saved my life and the lives of my friends. We are trying to stop of race of aliens called the Reapers from invading. If they invade, can we rely on your help?"

"We know of them. They sing dark songs of nothingness. If they come, we will fight them together. You will not need to call upon us, we will hear their song in the halls of the universe."

"How do you know of them?" Kara asked.

"One came to us many songs ago. It modulated our song. Made us angry. Made us violent. Made us fight you. Until only one of us remained." _Sovereign initiated the Rachni Wars? The Reapers were as devious as they were deadly_.

"Thank you. I... hope to see you again, some day." She said.

"We feel our songs will harmonize once again, Forgiver. Our songs are linked." There was a pause. The rachni ship veered away but the transmission remained open and soon it started to sing.

"We sail the ocean blue,  
And our saucy ship's a beauty;  
We're sober men and true,  
And attentive to our duty."

"Cut transmission!" Kara shouted. She shook her head. Only the song continued, only it wasn't the rachni "singing" now.

"When the balls whistle free  
O'er the bright blue sea,  
We stand to our guns all day;  
When at anchor we ride  
On the Portsmouth tide,  
We have plenty of time for play."

Kara glared at Samantha, swaying her body in time to the music that thankfully only remained inside her mind. She stopped when she saw Kara staring at her.

"What?" She said innocently.

"You should go." Kara said, giving her a death glare. The glare didn't last long and they shared a giggle. Kara erupted in riotous laughter. She hadn't reason to laugh in months. It felt so good to laugh, so much that her ears started to tear. She rubbed her eyes and still she continued to laugh. Until the fit died down. Samantha was looking at her warmly.

"You should get some rest." She said. Kara nodded. Samantha reached out and squeezed her hands. Kara was taken aback, but she found herself turning her hands and squeezing back.

"Thank you." Kara said.

Sam nodded and smiled. "I'm glad you're on the road to recovery. I'm going to check in on you in a few hours, I gotto go to the CIC." Kara watched Sam leave her quarters. She lay in her bed, for the first in long weeks with the intention of falling asleep. She curled underneath the warm blankets and was sleep within seconds.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

She awoke a few hours later having actually slept. No nightmares, no migraines, just peaceful sleep. She was refreshed and renewed. She reached for her dogtags and felt the two engagement rings she'd installed and squeezed them. It was silly, but she felt as if Ash were present with her somehow. Urging her forward with equal parts compassion and a firm boot. They were nearing the relay that would take them to the Citadel. It was time for Legion to leave, she went down to the cargobay to say goodbye to it.

"Hey, Legion," Joker said over the intercoms. Legion was preparing his mini-shuttle, cables from it's chassis plugged into the shuttle. Vega was doing cooldown stretches, his shirt stained with sweat. "Before you leave, can you do me a favour? Can you get me a can of elbow grease that's in the cargo bay?"

"Moreau-Lieutenant. All entries of elbow grease are filed under humour. We will not comply with this request." Legion said. Kara grinned.

"Man, you're no fun." Joker said and cut off the intercom.

Legion then played a recording of a comedian she'd never heard before. "I get no respect, I tell ya. My girlfriend called me the other day she said 'come on over, there's nobody home.' I went on over, there was nobody home."

Kara and Vega laughed. Legion turned towards her.

"Shepard-Commander, we were expecting to converse before we left and returned to the consensus."

"Me too." Kara said.

"We have not heard from your governments regarding of offer. This outcome was given a 95.5% probability."

"If you knew that, why go ahead with it?" Kara said.

"This was the first step in attempting to establish relations with organics. Immediate success was not expected." Legion said. "We will make other attempts but we have reached consensus that we should await resolution of the threat of the old machines before another attempt at outreach is made."

"What about the quarians?" Kara said.

"We have received no response from the creators. Creator Zorah has provided us information which indicates a positive response is growing but a formal decision has not been reached. We do not expect consensus from the creators."

She nodded and looked away. These issues weren't going to be solved overnight, and probably not even in her lifetime. But the first steps had been taken, the hardest steps to take. And she'd played an invaluable part.

"And what about me?" Legion fixed her with his cyclopean eye.

"Shepard-Commander. You do yourself harm by striving for perfection. Even the geth consensus does not claim perfection. Every entity in the universe is limited in certain respects. To strive for improvement is logical, to strive for perfection is to strive against the fundamental laws of the universe."

"Yeah, I'm realizing that now." Kara said.

"Shepard-Commander. Much has been learned in our time as member of your crew. Our experience proves our consensus was correct in choosing you to be our first point of contact with organics."

"Thank you." Kara said, genuinely flattered. Instinctively she reached out her right hand. She was about to pull her hand back when Legion stuck out it's right arm. She shook hands with the geth tropper.

"I've learned a lot from you, Legion." She said. "Will I ever see you again?" And how would she know? How many run times could be swapped back and forth from this chassis. What difference would that make in it's behavior, if any?

"Too many variables to compute an answer. Should the old machines arrive in this galaxy, we will offer assistance."

Kara and Vega went in the elevator as Legion strapped it's chassis into the small shuttle. Vega had an old fashioned-paper book in his hand

"You look good, Commander." Vega said.

"Thanks. I feel better." She said. Vega gave her the book. The cover was bent and creased, the pages were worn. _The Way of Zen._

"This...is your copy?" She said. Vega nodded.

"I gather you're going to be getting some time off and focus on self-improvement. When I wasn't focused on anything in my life, let alone improving myself, this book set me on that path. I hope it'll help set you on the same path."

"Thanks, James." They shook hands. She felt empowered in a way she hadn't before in her life. She felt like her old demons didn't have to haunt her anymore. Her past mattered, but it didn't have to be an anchor. It could be a springboard to a better version of her self.

* * *

Upon landing at the Citadel, she accompanied Liara as she was taken to Heurta Memorial Hospital. Dr. Chakwas was with them as was Garrus. The doctor spoke with the intake worker. Her hands were sweating. It didn't take long before they were admitted to critical care and to her own room. Kara sat in a chair next to Liara's, gripping her hand.

"A doctor will see her shortly." Chakwas said. There was a catch in her voice.

"I have to stay with her." Kara said.

"Commander, there's nothing more you can do. You have work to do. Let the doctors and nurses do theirs."

She was right. Nothing was to be gained by remaining here. It might take her weeks to recover. Or she might never. leaving Liara here didn't sit well with her. But she had no choice. She nodded to Chakwas and squeezed Liara's hand. "I'm going Liara. But I'll be back. Next time you wake up, I'll be close."

They went to another wing of the hospital, where she knew someone was waiting for her, and for Garrus.

"Kara!" Oriana rushed towards her. She didn't have time to respond before Oriana hugged her, tightly wrapping her arms around like a vise. Kara almost fell backwards.

"Hey kiddo." Kara said. She rubbed the girl's hair and chuckled. She looked to Dr. Michel who wore a surprised look and cast a subtle glance Garrus' way.

"She's slowly responding to therapy with Dr. Kyle. This is the first time I've seen her react in such a way. She's slow to trust, especially with males. Besides her sister, you're the only one she responds to. She keeps to herself and spends most of her time watching vids and playing video games. I hope whoever damaged that girl got what was coming to them."

She recognized the behaviour. Where she'd turned to alcohol and drugs, Oriana was turning to vids and games. Not an ideal coping mechanism, but better than what she'd done. She noticed the glances the doctor and Garrus shared.

"Kiddo, how about we go for a walk?" Kara said. Oriana responded by grabbing her hand and dragging her out of the hospital. She didn't understand how Oriana had latched onto her so quickly, so immediately. But she was determined to help her in any way she could.

They walked together, Oriana gripping her hand, leading her. They didn't speak. There didn't seem to be a need to. No one paid them any heed as they walked around the presidium. Before she knew it, she was standing before the C-sec offices and Commander Bailey was loitering outside the main entrance. He saw them and walked towards them, he looked sure of himself when he looked at her but his steeliness faulted when he looked at Oriana. Oriana tensed.

"It's okay." Kara said and patted Oriana on her back.

"Oriana, why don't you leave us alone for bit, okay?" Bailey said. "I just need to talk to the Commander."

Oriana reluctantly parted, she stayed standing a few feet away, looking intently at them but out of earshot.

"What's up?" Kara asked.

"Well, something's given her a negative view of male authority figures. Can't imagine why." He said. "She comes over once a day to talk to her sister. The only time I turn off the surveillance."

"What's going to happen with Lawson and Taylor?" Kara said.

"Taylor's sentencing is in a couple of weeks. He'll get a life sentence but be eligible for parole in 40,50 years maybe. Her, they're going to lock up and throw away the key."

They said nothing for a few moments. Kara looked away from him, looking at Oriana but also around them.

"What's new with your red sand problem?" She said, forcing out the words with no small difficulty.

"Funny you mention that." Bailey said with an odd catch to his voice. "Haven't had any new red sand cases in a fortnight now. Been getting more bodies though. Looks like there's an underground war breaking out. Started with the biggest dealers turning up dead. Then started getting bodies of hitmen and bounty hunters. All taken out professionally. The odd witness we get says it's a drell cleaning up shop." He cleared his throat. "I did some digging, trying to figure out how it started. Turns out a shipment bypassed customs just before the outbreak started. Only a Spectre could do that."

"It was me." Kara said. She dared to look at Bailey. He looked deflated.

"Well, shit." He said with a sigh. "I haven't had an interrogation that easy since my kid ate a bunch of chocolate cookies and had chocolate covering his face." A hint of a smile appeared on his face briefly, and then was gone, replaced with his usual demeanor.

"Why'd you do it?" He said. She told him about the Broker.

"Well, you're not the first one the Broker's done that do. That's the son of a bitch's power, he'll get you to do what he wants you to do whether you like it or not. He doesn't take kindly to people turning him down. Real vindictive. Maybe the Broker is my ex wife's lawyer."

"You blame me for those bodies?" She said.

He sighed. "Just from the red sand itself, we had over 500 people in hospital and close a hundred in the morgue. That's not counting the bodies that this drell assassin is responsible for. Someone has to answer for this. But I'm not blind, I can see you're the self flagellating type and the Broker made you do it. If it's any comfort, turning him down was probably the least-wrong thing to do. That's the best you can hope for when you're dealing with that scum."

"What are you going to do?" She said. _Not the right thing. The least-wrong thing. I can do better._

"About this? Nothing I can do. You're a Spectre and it would be career suicide for me to try to press charges. I still got 4 years of alimony left to fork out and god knows what's gonna happen to my crappy pension."

"I'll turn myself in." Kara said.

"What?" He looked at her truly puzzled. Someone so used to dealing with dishonesty didn't know how to react when dealing with honesty.

"You'd piss away your career like that?" He said. Then thought about for a moment. "You can't just turn yourself in, they'd try to bury it. You'd have to make it public. You'd drag yourself and a good chunk of humanity through the mud."

She didn't want more people to pay for her mistakes, she reconsidered. "I…have to go on medical leave for a while. I'll do something to make up for this."

Bailey nodded. "Right, medical leave. You know, I was originally planning on trading some intel if I promised to keep quiet."

"What do you wanna know?"

He looked surprised. "You'd tell me straight up? No trading favours? Damn, and I thought atheistic hanar were rare. Okay, a while back, I get orders to implement contingency plans to evacuate VIPs in no time. We've been drilling C-Sec for the past month until we can get the Council out in under 5 minutes, no matter where they are. Why?"

She told them about the Reapers, her true mission. Starting from Eden Prime to the present. When she was done he paled. He stroked his short hair. He hadn't been on the Citadel at the time of Soverign's attack.

"Damn." He said finally. "I'm…I'm gonna call my son. Later, Commander." He walked away. Oriana came up to her and grabbed her hand.

"He scares me." She said.

"He's a good man. You can trust him." Oriana grunted in disagreement. It took her a long time to overcome her distrust. It would be the same with her. It was shockingly easy to scar someone, a child, for life, and just as difficult to overcome those scars.

"Let's go see my sister." Oriana said, pulling her hand towards C-Sec offices.

"That's a very bad idea." Kara said, finding herself getting dragged forward nonetheless.

"You need to talk." Oriana said.

"No, we don't." Kara said, she yanked her hand back. Oriana looked at her, sad and angry. "Kiddo, your sister and I hate each other."

"Exactly. You have to forgive each other. That's what Mrs. Kyle says." She remembered Vega's talk of cycles.

"And you?" Kara said. "Have you forgiven your father?"

Oriana looked at the ground. "No." She said, then looked back up at her. "But I'm trying. And you need to try, too." She grabbed her hand again. Kara walked forward of her own accord, realizing that to move on, she had to let go. She had to break the cycle of self-recrimination. To do that, she had to start with others. Who better than the remaining face of Cerberus.

"Have you talked to your sister about this?" Kara asked as a C-Sec officer opened the cell block door for them. Oriana continued to drag her along. _How did this kid get to be so stubborn?_ As soon as she asked herself the question, she found the answer.

"Yes. She doesn't want to talk about you, either."

Before she knew, she was standing before Miranda's cell. Miranada was standing, having heard Oriana's voice coming down the hall. The hint of a smile vanished the instant she came into view. Miranda looked at her with fear and anger. Miranda's face was rougher, uneven, hints of bruises remaining upon her face. The beauty of her face, even if it seemed uncanny or artificial, was gone. Her skin was a darker tone. She felt a tinge of pity, and more than a tinge of guilt.

"Stay away from my sister!" Miranda said, her venomous eyes fixed upon her.

"Mirry!" Oriana said, stomping her foot on the ground. "We've talked about this."

"Talked, but not agreed." Miranda said, she turned on her sister. It was like she wasn't there anymore.

"You know I'm right." Oriana said.

"In theory, but not in practice. Especially when it comes to Dead Shep."

"You call me that again I'm going to reintroduce my fist to your face." Kara said.

"That's your solution to everything, isn't it?" Miranda said.

"Kara!" Oriana said, yanking on her arm. She looked down on the teenaged girl.

"I need you both to listen." Oriana said. This silenced both of them, for the moment.

"Mirry, you can't care for me in jail. I need someone to until I get older. Someone who understands me. Kara's that person. I'll still visit and we can still talk."

"Fine." Miranda said, looking and sounding defeated for the first time Kara had ever known her.

"Mirry, do you wanna say anything to her?" Oriana said. _Where is she going with this?_ This scene was odd, she didn't know what to make of it. There was a level of discussion between them she wasn't party to.

"No." Miranda said coldly.

"Mirry, remember what we talked about?"

"Yes and you're wrong. I won't forgive the Illusive Man. I won't forgive her. I've told you. Forgiveness is for the weak. You need to be strong. That's how you get through this. Not with this bleeding heart nonsense."

Oriana looked up to her. She was disappointed by her sister's reaction. And was looking to her for a hope of success. Could she forgive Miranda for her role in Cerberus' litany of horrors? For her own personal role ones? Could she grant absolution in the name of every victim of Cerberus. Should she? Was the Illusive Man's death and Cerberus' dismemberment justice enough? Had it been achieved? Or was still more needed to balance the scales? She remembered how hollow Cerberus had felt. Revenge had proven no tonic. But here was Miranda before her, if she did forgive her, it was clear Miranda wouldn't care. But, this was about her. She had to embark on a journey of self-improvement so she wouldn't succumb to her demons again. She took a breath and spoke.

"Miranda, You imprisoned and tortured me-"

"Oh please." Miranda interrupted. "You didn't have your fingernails pulled out, you weren't strapped to the rack, you weren't beaten, you weren't gangraped. I gave you some mild discomfort to make a point. I wanted you to join us."

"I'm not going to speak about your other victims. But...I forgive you." Saying those words felt real, and she felt a sense of renewal.

Miranda laughed. "Piss off, Dead Shep. Spare me your maudlin bullshit. And stay away from my sister."

Kara turned and moved on. Nothing more was to be gained from this. Oriana caught up with her outside C-Sec's offices.

Kara turned and faced her as she raced up and again grabbed her hand. "Kara, I want you to adopt me."

"What?" Kara said, pulling her hand away from her. _That's what they were arguing about._

"Jesus Christ, kiddo. I don't know the first thing about being a mom. I'm only starting to get my shit together."

"I want you to be part of my life." She said, looking up to her with earnest eyes. _How did a kid this hurt get this precocious?_

"Will you think about it? You and your girlfriend?" She said.

"My girlfriend's dead. Who's this girlfriend of mine I know nothing about?"

"I thought you and Samantha were..." Kara shook her head, although the idea didn't sound so horrible. Quite the opposite, but she had to focus her efforts elsewhere.

Kara's Omni-Tool buzzed. Anderson was paging her.

"Shit, I'm late for a meeting kiddo. I'll...catch up with you later."

"Okay." Oriana said. "Think about it, okay?"

Kara nodded and chuckled, watching her board a shuttle to return to Huerta hospital. A singular child. Something to think about.

She walked into Anderson's office. He waved her in but was speaking on his communicator. He was trying to hide a smile. "...See you tonight...Okay...Later...bye." She arched an eyebrow in his direction as they shook hands.

"Well?" She said.

"Well what?" Anderson said, doing a very poor job of acting casual.

"Everything going well?" She said.

He groaned. "Yes."

"That's good. Tell me about her." She said.

"That's need to know." Anderson said.

"Okay, have it your way. Well, if you're a mood to be taking advice, I'm formally advising you to give me a raise." Kara said.

Anderson laughed. "You'll have to take that up with HR. Good luck with that." Kara laughed. Anderson's smile faded.

"Your last op didn't end well."Anderson said.

"No." She said. "I hope Liara's gonna be okay. And..."

"And?" Anderson said.

"And I..." She swallowed and took a few deep breaths. "I fell off the wagon. I passed out from withdrawal out there. If it wasn't for the Rachni, Garrus, Liara and I would probably be dead. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize." Anderson said and squeezed her shoulder. "No one is looking down upon you. Chakwas and I were worried about something like this happening. With all the stress you're under, it's not surprising this happened. It just means you're human, like the rest of us."

Kara fought her watering eyes and thanked him.

"I wanna go into treatment. Provided my mission's over." He nodded.

"Well, it's almost over. Ready for the official debriefing?" He said. She nodded.

"The Council's happy with your efforts once you got back on track. You didn't find anything to help us with the Reapers but we're confident this weapon's all we need. We know a lot more about the protheans than we did a few months ago thanks to you. The Normandy's going to be grounded for a week for repairs and to get equipped with another Mako. You're free to put the crew on leave."

"What does the Council think about my, extra-curricular activities?"

Anderson took a breath. "I'd be lying if I told you they were happy with your visit to Tuchanka. Wrex has made some overtures to the Council but I gather he's being rebuffed. The geth can is getting kicked down the road. They know the geth made an offer to the quarians, but your involvement was kept out of that, somehow."

She nodded. It was what she expected.

"As to the last part of the mission, you're to report to the Heisenberg in 12 hours to observe the weapons test. After everything you've done, it's only fair you get to witness it. Dr. Chandra declined an invitation. Can't say I blame him for having moral quandaries. Once you come back, I'll make you sure you can stay on medical leave as long as you need to. Any questions?" She shook her head.

"Captain, this weapon we're building. How sure are we it's going to work?"

Anderson hunched his shoulders. "The experts are confident, that's good enough for me. We'll find out soon enough." They stood and shook hands. Kara noticed her own hand was shaking a bit more. Anderson queried her with his eyes.

"Chakwas has me on these shots that are supposed to wean me off Stims. Guess I'm overdo for a dose."

"Well, don't let me keep you." They walked to his office doors. "Say," Anderson said. "Why don't you join Khalee and I for dinner tonight?" Remembering what happened the last time she turned away a similar invitation, Kara accepted. She ordered her crew on leave but instructed they remain on the Citadel. She joined Anderson and Khalee Sanders in his apartment. It was a very nice apartment, it was the kind of place you'd want to throw one hell of a party. She enjoyed their company and for the first time, found herself looking forward to the future. But she had a nagging doubt in her mind about Project Future Planning.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

" _We knew the world would not be the same. Some people laughed. A few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture the Bhagavad Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the prince that he should do his duty and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form and says 'now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.' I suppose we all felt that way, one way or another_." -J. Robert Oppenheimer.

* * *

Ten ships were gathered in the system. Three small tugs were needed to tow the weapon into the place and to keep it's barrel trained on its intended target, an asteroid 3 km in diameter, thousands of miles away. Councillor Valern of the salarian government was present in a salarian dreadnought, the lone military and political representative. The rest were scientific vessels from every council species, here to witness and record this momentous event. The turnout was underwhelming considering the achievement. A weapon capable of channeling the power of a mass relay. And who knew what else it could be capable of? What else it would be used for? Would this become some kind of doomsday weapon? Used as a deterrent against unfriendly powers? Could the council be trusted to use it wisely? Dr. Chandra was right, even the threat of using a weapon like this was little different than actually using it.

She was standing on the observation deck of the Heisenberg. As a Commander and a Spectre, she was out of place and alone. She briefly met the ship's captain, a woman named Sagan and her introduction to the project leader, Dr. Garret Bryson, was even briefer. Her formal military uniform stuck out among the scientists and workers present on this ship. They ignored her for the most part. She received a few curious glances, some recognized her, but no one approached her. A project like this was very much on a need-to-know basis, explaining her anonymity. She was grateful for this. It gave her time to think about herself, and the road she would undertake to true recovery when this test was done. No longer running away from her problems, but facing them.

She wished Liara were here to witness this. How many days had they poured through old prothean data? It was a bittersweet realization that all that work had achieved little for their mission. The schematics were suddenly rediscovered just in time for the continuation of her mission. The discoveries they made had little or nothing to do with their understanding of the Reapers and how to defeat them. Archeologists and historians were grateful, but that meant little. Maybe, when she was older and wiser, she would appreciate this.

She also wished Ashley and Kaidan were present for this. This is what they'd died for. If this proved successful and they stopped the Reapers, their souls could rest and their lives wouldn't have been given in vain. And she could live with that, in time. Though Ashley's death left a void in her life that would never be refilled. Even if she and Samantha were to become closer in the future, it wouldn't be the same.

The weapon, dubiously named Project Future Planning, was towed and secured into position, it's momentum synchronized to the target asteroid. The three tugs sped away to a safe distance. Dr. Garrett Bryson spoke through the intercom and to all ships. He was in a hub located in the aft of the ship where he had access to all the data available to every ship in their small fleet. It was like they'd made a mad scientist's lair for him.

"All stations report in." Every ship and station reported in with their status. The low murmur of conversation ended. The only sound was the ambient sound of the ship itself. She was joined by others looking at the data and visual feeds. The nervous tension was thick you could cut it with an Omni-Blade. The weapon was tracking it's intended target.

"Okay. This is it. Activate main reactor." Kara breathed in. She clenched the rings through the fabric of her shirt. The device's reactor activated. It spun with increasing speed on it's pinion, looking not unlike the rings on a relay. A blue light emanated from the reactor and covered the device with a blue glow.

"It's generating a mass effect field." A scientist said. "It's like a kinetic barrier, only it's working on a molecular level."

"All readings nominal, according to profile." Someone else said. There was another pause, maybe only a handful of seconds, but felt longer. Her heart was racing.

"Activate firing mechanism." The Dr. Bryson said.

Blue light enveloped the device. It glowed with increasing brilliance. Building for several seconds. Until a bolt of bright blue light shot forth. Only, it didn't issue the device's barrel. It issued from the reactor. Instead of heading towards the asteroid, a continuous beam made for the relay. She heard audible gasps and her blood cooled. Something was wrong. Very wrong. But she could do nothing about it.

"Report? What's going on?" The Dr. Bryson barked. The light beam impacted on the relay, directly onto the element zero core. Only the relay wasn't destroyed or even damaged. It didn't even move. It wasn't a weapon blast at all.

Someone answered. "That's not weapon fire."

"What is it, then?" Dr. Bryson said, his voice was calm but she detected undercurrents of tension and fear. Fear he shared with everyone present.

"It's synchronizing itself to the relay. The relay is powering up, like a ship's about to pass through. Only, nothing's coming or going."

The blue light that extended from the device and the relay expanded. From a thin beam to an oval shape. 100 meters at its apex and growing steadily.

"By the goddess!" Someone said. "It's a portal."

"A portal to where?"Dr. Bryson said. Kara's heart sank with dread. She didn't want to consider the question, knowing the answer held her greatest fears. _This can't be happening._

"I can't get any readings. It's blocking out sensors." Someone said.

"Shut it down! Shut it down!" Dr. Bryson said, no longer calm.

"It's not shutting down. It's continuing to grow."

Shepard swore and tore herself from her fearful paralysis. She contacted the ship's bridge using her Omni-Tool.

"Captain Sagan." She said. "This is Commander Shepard. We have to get out of here now! Warn the Council!"

"Negative. We don't know-"

"Holy fuck." Someone said over the comms. Shepard looked at one of the visual feeds. From the portal emerged a dark shape. Several hundred meters in length. Black and moving with terrible purpose. Shepard's heart sank with dread seeing it's all-too familiar crustacean shape. She realized her doubts had been correct, but felt no satisfaction in this. She would've given anything to be proven wrong.

"Christ, what is that thing?"

"Get us out of here, now. Head for the Citadel." Sagan said, taking her advice to heart.

"All civilian ships. Leave now!" Valern said from the dreadnought. "We'll cover your escape"

The Reaper arose from the portal from Dark Space. It spun around and rotated, like a child borne from the womb, examining its surroundings. The Reaper arose in their way, but it paid them no heed. It's indifference further proof of its unfathomably monstrous nature. They were ants scurrying from an giant.

The salarian dreadnought opened fire with its weapons batteries and scrambled its fighter drones. The weapons impacted upon the Reaper showed no effect. The Reaper turned towards the warship with casual menace, noticing it for the first time, as if the massive ship were a curiosity rather than a threat. A dozen heartbeats passed for the Reaper returned fire. Fire from the dreadnought continued to land without effect. A red beam shot forth. It sliced through the warship like a knife through butter. The ship exploded as it's reactor was breached. Debris flew everywhere, pieces small and large. The Heisenberg veered and banked to avoid the expanding debris field, the shockwave shook the ship. She and others fell the floor. The drones, without their mothership to guide them, drifted impotently. The relay ahead, less than a minute's flight time. But the Reaper wouldn't take long to finish them off.

Shepard bolted herself upright, a first crawling but then running through the crowd of prone and stunned scientists. She knocked a turian the ground as the ship veered suddenly. She didn't look back, didn't even bother muttering an perfunctory apology. She ran towards the bridge where a QEC device was. The hallways were deserted, everyone who wasn't on duty was on the observation deck. The arrived on the bridge, a scene of chaos. The Captain was barking orders. Ordering the ship to take evasive manoeuvres. This being a scientific vessel, it was like expecting a hippopotamus to balance on a trapeze wire. The scientific crew was continuing to scan the portal, the relay and the device they'd constructed. Any iota of data might prove useful, if they made it back. The relay was closer, it kept swinging back and forth as the ship kept banking in a desperate attempt to evade the Reaper's fire.

"We just lost the Turians." Someone on the bridge said.

"Three of us left. Time until we hit the relay?" Sagan said.

"25 seconds."

Shepard activated the QEC device and used the emergency channel, it went through to Udina's office. He appeared, rising to his feet. She was clenching the rings, squeezing them, as if they alone would protect them.

"This is Couc-"

"It was a trap!" Shepard said.

"What?"

"The Reapers are here. The weapon, isn't a weapon. It opened up a portal to dark space or something. Valern didn't make it! I don't know if I'm gonna make it!"

"Jesus Motherfucking Christ." He said. "Alright, We'll implement our emergency plans. I hope you make it through, Shepard."

The transmission ended. She turned around. The Relay filled the screen. _At least Udina chewing me out isn't the last thing I have to put up with._

"10 seconds."

"The asari just hit the dust. We're the last ship left!"

"Who said science is boring?" Captain Sagan remarked. She felt the Reaper locking onto them, finishing her last, so her despair would register before her death. Did it know who she was? Did it care? Everyone held their breaths. Shepard kept her eyes open, watching as they lined up with the relay and were launched into the network. They weren't safe, but they'd escaped immediate harm. With the Reapers coming through, safety didn't exist for anyone. _The Reapers are here._

"Where are we headed?" She asked the Captain, the crew started to relax but only a little. They were tense, people's clothes were stained with sweat, some were shaking. She noticed she felt tingling in her hands, indicating she needed to inject herself with Chakwas' serum. _Not now._

"The Citadel. Just like you asked." The captain said. She was middle-aged, specks of grey hair appearing in her long-flowing black mane. She had keen, deep-set eyes and sat firmly in her chair without slouching.

"What's our ETA?" Shepard asked.

"16 hours." The navigator answered.

"What was that thing, Commander?" Sagan said, her piercing eyes fixed on her. The eyes of the bridge crew were fixed on her as well. They looked at her with probing terror.

"Turn on the intercom." Shepard said, making her way to the comm station. She didn't want to lie to them, but if she revealed how serious this threat was, they might panic. But they'd earned the right to the truth.

"This is Commander Shepard of the Alliance and a Spectre. What we saw was a Reaper. An ancient race of sentient machines. They're responsible for wiping out the Protheans. Every cycle of galactic extinction happens every 50,000 years. They're the reason for that. You heard about the attack on the Citadel. It wasn't just some geth and a rogue Spectre, it was led by a Reaper, trying to open the way for them to invade. The Citadel was the key, how they got through from dark space. The protheans managed to stop them. We thought we were building a weapon to stop them, instead we fell into a trap." She paused.

"This isn't the end. I've fought the Reapers and I've destroyed two of them. They can be beaten. But we need your help. With your training, your knowledge, you can analyze the data we have and find a weakness. Our diversity is our strength. Working together, we can survive this. Shepard out."

Her hand was trembling and her feet were now tingling. Her stomach was grumbling. She went to the lavatory and injected herself. Her shaking lessened but she still vomited in the toilet. After recovering, she reached into her collar and pulled out her chain with her dog tags and Ashley's ring. She held them in her hand and squeezed. She closed her eyes and it almost felt like she was holding Ashley's hand, as if her ghost or spirit was here, now, with her. She opened her eyes and stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't feel anger or disgust. The woman staring back at her was looking with quiet resolve and determination. _The Reapers are here. But we still have a chance.  
_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The Heisenberg emerged from the relay with the system in chaos. The feed from Citadel News Net was reporting the Council fled the Citadel without a word. Panic spread through the station like a virus. There was rioting and looting. She briefly wondered about her favourite store, was the guitar still safe? Shepard was loitering about the bridge and saw first hand a transport speeding towards them as they left the relay. The pilot dove, the transport screamed by, missing them by inches. The rest of the system was in chaos. Dozens of ships flying frenetically, fleeing the Citadel. Ships were overtaking another to get through the relay, with occasionally deadly results. Debris from a few ships was littering the system. A perfunctory defense force was present,only 20 medium sized ships, frigates and cruisers. Their role was more traffic control than defense. They wouldn't deter an attack from a small assault force, let alone a Reaper invasion. Then again, they didn't have anything that could counter the Reapers. The civilians were on their own. No one was covering their escape. Were some staying behind, disbelieving the evacuation order? After catching her breath, she contacted the Normandy.

"Good to hear your voice, Commander." It was Joker. "I'm on my way. We'll dock and we can get going to our rendezvous point."

"How's the ship?"

"It's flying but so long as we don't have to do any heavy fighting we'll be fine." Joker said.

"Yeah, about that." Shepard said with a grim smile.

"We've got most of the crew aboard. Only a couple of scrubs didn't make it. Liara and Oriana are aboard. We weren't going to leave them behind. Liara's...still the same."

"Good work. What about the Council?" She said.

"The Council were the first to make it out. Each on their own ships and rendezvousing with their own fleets. The evac's not going well as you can guess. C-Sec's gonna keep the arms open until the Reapers show up. So what happened?"

"I'll brief you when I get aboard." She said.

They docked ten minutes later. Ten of the longest minutes of her life. The Reapers had played them expertly, used their own fear against them. Maybe if they had thought about it more, they could've avoided this. Had the Reapers used this ploy before? Or was this Soverign's backup plan? It was naive to think Soverign's only gambits were manipulating the Rachni and Saren. Was the Reaper directly behind them? Or, would they gather strength before coming here? The question was ultimately the same, how much time did they have? Not just those here in this system, but across the entire galaxy. Did they have any hope at all?

She almost ran through the airlock, the wait for the doors to open was excruciating. She was greeted by Traynor who immediately hugged her. She was surprised when she hugged back, holding her close for a few moments. Sam pulled away, she didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. She felt the need to say something, but events conspired against them.

"Commander! A Reaper's coming through the relay."

She cursed and ran towards her station on the CIC. The crew rushed towards their battlestations. "Order the Citadel to close the arms. They have to do it now."

Traynor arrived at her station. "Activating barriers and weapon systems."

"The Heisenberg's decoupling." Joker said.

"Tell them to stick with us." Shepard said. "They have all the data from the test. They have to make it out."

Joker brought the Normandy about, the relay in front of them and the Reaper in front of it. Larger than Sovereign and the ship in Bahak. It was engaging the fleeing ships. They were like ants being crush. Each time the Reaper's beam shot out, a ship was silently destroyed. The effortlessness of the slaughter struck her. It took only one strike of their beam weapon to destroy another ship, no matter how large or small. Dozens, hundreds of lives lost in instants. She couldn't imagine the panic these people were fleeing. They would have only a few short minutes of panic. The rest of them, would have years, decades of dread before the end would come for them.

"Contact the defense fleet and have them target it." Shepard said. "It's the only way we'll get out of here."

"What about the civilians?" Traynor said. Shepard shook her head. She closed her eyes, she couldn't look at her. They had to be left behind.

"Understood." Traynor said. The regret in her tone was obvious. But just as quickly it was gone, replaced by her calm, professional demeanor. "I'm linking our fire control systems were the other ships."

"Do we have a firing solution?" Shepard said.

"Negative." Traynor said.

"Are the Citadel arms closing?" Shepard said.

"Affirmative." Traynor said. "It might take a half hour for it to be complete." That was a lot of time.

The firing computer beeped. "We have a firing solution."

"Fire." Shepard said.

The Normandy's thanix cannons opened fire, a five second burst. The lights dimmed and blinked in the CIC. The other ships fired on the Reaper, missiles streaming towards the Reaper. The missiles impacted on the carapace without much apparent damage, the thanix cannons struck the Reaper. The Reaper veered off course slightly.

"Damage report." She said.

"Scanning." Traynor said. "Scarring on the hull, penetration a few feet deep. No serious damage."

 _We bruised it. If it's bruised, it can be beaten._

"Commander, we got its attention." Joker said. The Reaper was turning towards them _,_ moving away from the relay. More ships could escape. _Mission accomplished. Shit._

She said. "Traynor, have the defense ships fire with everything they've got. I want constant fire from them."

"Affirmative."

"Joker. Turn us into it. Full throttle."

"What?"

"You heard me. Once they activate the main weapon, dive."

"Aye."

In the corner of her eye she saw Traynor looking at her. More than a few crew members were exchanging glances. If it were anyone but Joker at the helm, she would've ordered a different course. But Joker could do it. She looked at the ladar. The Heisenberg was making straight for the relay. As were a dozen other civilian ships. Hopefully, they wouldn't panic this close to the relay.

"Fire another salvo from the Thanixes once we're head-on."

"We're head on. We got 45 seconds until we can spit on it."

"Firing Thanixes." Traynor said. The lights dimmed again, twin rays of orange shot forth. Another five second burst. That wasn't enough.

"Keep firing." Shepard said. The Normandy shot another burst. Another 5 seconds. 35 seconds to collision. From her vantage point, she saw the Reaper filling the canopy. A black blot with outlined by blue light.

"It's opening it's weapon port." Joker said. Instantly, the Normandy pitched downward and dove. Manoeuvring thrusters fired at full, increasing their angle of attack and hopefully out of the way of the incoming beam weapon. The hull whined plaintively.

The first burst from the Thanix cannons impacted on the Reaper, hitting directly the main weapon port. The Reaper shuddered with the impact. The Reaper turned and pivoted, trying to prevent the second burst from hitting it's exposed main weapon port. The second burst impacted on the Reaper, but only scarred it's surface. The Reaper listed, wounded. The other ships continued to fire on the monstrous ship but their fire didn't make much of an impact. The Normandy moved past, no obstacles between them and the relay. _Looks like they have a weakness. Not an easily exploitable one, but a weakness nonetheless.  
_

"Commander, we don't have enough power to use the Thanixes."

She cursed. The Heisenberg made it to the relay. A few more ships made it through, but there was still close to a hundred ships stuck in the system. The damaged Reaper came about, slowly. It ignored them suddenly and made for the Citadel. The arms were closing too slowly. The ships from the defense fleet converged on the Reaper but it rammed through them. Despite it being wounded, nothing would stop it from docking with the Citadel.

"Shit! Commander, looks like that Reaper called for backup. Two more just came out of the relay."

"We have to get out. Now." The Normandy banked sharply towards the relay, joining the panicked masses they had been protecting instants before. They were refugees now, not warriors. The two new Reapers were of the same size as Sovereign. They opened fire on the fleeing civilian ships with indifferent glee. There was no targeting pattern she could discern, the red beams shot forth indiscriminately. They couldn't detect any targeting pings from the Reapers. However they aimed and fired their weapons, it wasn't something they could detect. _  
_

A red beam passed in front of them, missing them by a few feet. It destroyed a turian transport just above them. The ship broke apart in pieces, hundreds of lives lost. The relay was in front of them, Joker lined them up. On the ladar screen she watched as blip and after blip was extinguished. How many empty coffins would they need for today's carnage? And the days to come? There was flash of bright light as they made it to the relay and towards their rendezvous with the Alliance fleet. Twice in the same day she'd barely managed to escape the Reapers. How many more escapes did she have? They Reapers were here. She'd traveled many miles in her life, but she had a feeling her journey was nearing its end.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16  
**

She assembled Traynor, Garrus, Mordin, Tali and Vega in the communications room. She'd spoken with the Council over the QEC. Now she had to speak to her crew. There were a lot of empty chairs. Liara, Kaidan and Ashley would've once occupied those chairs. Now they were empty. How many more empty chairs would there be? They looked grim and no one said anything. How was she supposed to lead them if she mirrored their doubts? Their dread?

"I think I've traced what happened." Traynor said. Shepard nodded.

"I don't know if you recall, but when we last spoke with Dr. Chandra he mentioned he'd fired his new employee. The one who'd discovered the plans for Project Unity."

"Not really, but keep going." Shepard said. She hadn't been paying much attention to their meetings back then.

"I remember he said it was like he hired one person and fired someone completely different. I looked him up. His name is Robert Lafarge. I found his CV, contacted his old employers. About the nicest thing any of them had to say was he showed up on time. He disappeared one week ago. But that's not the first time he disappeared. His first disappearance was when he was on Eden Prime when Sovereign attacked."

It was like the entire room breathed in. "He was a plant." Shepard said. "He made sure we found those plans. I remember he kept looking at us when he visited." She stomped her foot on the ground. "Dammit, why didn't that tip me off?"

"But if he went missing on Eden Prime, how did no one pick up on it?" Vega said.

"Chandra's ministry has a low security clearance." Traynor said. "All you need is a clear criminal record."

"Classic bureaucracy." Garrus said. "Left hand doesn't talk to the right hand about threats to galactic security."

"How many more are missing from Eden Prime?" Shepard said.

"Just under 200." Traynor said. "Thing is, we don't know who's missing because they were turned into husks or are missing for other reasons."

Shepard fought the urge to swear. All it would've taken was a bit of extra caution and they would've avoided this catastrophe. They'd unleashed the apocalypse because of an administrative oversight. Project Future Planning. The name was now more portentous than banal. And bitterly ironic. And there could be more sleeper agents out there, not just from Eden Prime, but perhaps from other places in the galaxy. In more sensitive positions. The council had to know about this. Now, she had to continue the briefing.

"C-Sec launched the tapeworm to delete all census and nav data. With any luck, the Reapers won't be able to recover anything. They'll be blind, but only until they launch recce's to find us." She said.

"So, what's next?" Vega said. Shepard paused before answering.

"We're rendezvousing with the Alliance fleet in a few hours. Every species is retreating to it's home systems, mustering their fleets... Mothballed ships are being dusted off..."

"And?" Tali said.

"That's it." Shepard said. "We put all our eggs in one basket. They don't have any ideas." She sighed. "I don't, either. I'll take any from the floor."

"I got one." Vega said without hesitating. "We got a chance to cut off this infection at the source. I say we take a few big ships, A-class freighters, dreadnoughts, whatever. Pack 'em full of explosives. Send them into that system and then ram them into the relay. No one's ever blown up a relay before, but I'd bet the blast would destroy everything in the system. After that, we combine our fleets and take on what's left of the Reapers in massive engagements. With superior numbers we can knock them out."

"I like it." Shepard said. "I'll float it up the pipeline. ASAP."

Vega nodded.

"What about our new friends, the geth and rachni?" Traynor said.

"I have a feeling we'll hear from them very soon. If Vega's plan works, we'll have an amazing combined fleet to take out the Reapers." She felt a sliver of optimism.

"What about the ship? What kind of shape are we?" Shepard said.

"We'd be fine if we weren't fighting abominations bent on galactic genocide." Garrus said. He waved his hand in the air and looked down at the floor.

Traynor picked up where Garrus left off. She made a note to talk to Garrus later. "The fight against the batarians took a lot out of us. Repairs barely started before we got the order to scramble. Our barriers and standard weapon systems aren't up to standard. We can fire the thanixes but they drain a lot of energy. I wouldn't advise more than 3 bursts in any engagement. 4 seconds length top."

"Okay. Program that into the firing computer." Shepard said. She looked to Traynor and could tell she'd already done it. _Damn, she's good._

"Garrus. I want you running calibrations. We need any extra ounce of juice we can squeeze out." He nodded, still looking at the ground.

"Mordin. I have a feeling we're going to be fighting these Reapers soon. I want all our combat outfits fitted with extra barriers and shields."

"Confirmed. Protection against indoctrination and viral spores." He said.

"Tali. Contact your people. Ask them to contribute some ships to a fleet. It just might curry goodwill with the Council."

Tali nodded.

"Traynor. I want you going over data from the Heisenberg and the battle. I want every data byte analyzed for weaknesses, firing patterns, what Reaper exhaust smells like, everything. Then go over it with the other fleets. Share it, see what conclusions you come up with. Then have those plugged into the fire computer." She nodded.

"Vega, I want you to go over our ground assault weapons. Find any way to make them pack a bigger punch. I don't care if you have to duct tape a kitchen knife on the barrel." He nodded.

"Right, we got a chance. Let's make the best of it. Dismissed." Shepard said. She watched them file out, Garrus was sulking. It pained her, and she guessed why he was this way. It took a few minutes before she was on the QEC, conferenced in with Udina, Tevos, Sparatus and the salarian dalatrass.

"Commander, we understand you have an urgent matter to discuss?" Tevos said.

"Correct. One my shipmates has a plan to deal with the Reapers. We have to seal the infection before we address the bleeding. We take a convoy of a few large ships. Dreadnoughts and freighters. Pack them full of explosives. They jump into the system and then ram themselves directly into the relay, incinerating everything in the system."

"Wiping out an entire solar system is a drastic plan. But these are drastic times." Sparatus said.

"I don't see that we have any alternative." The dalatrass said.

"I agree. It's a dead system anyway." Udina said.

"We should launch this as soon as possible." Sparatus said. "The sooner we do, the fewer Reapers we will have to contend with. Your brief fight showed a small weakness. With their small numbers and our large fleets, we have a chance."

"How soon can we launch?" the dalatrass said.

"We're nearest to the system." Udina said. "This doesn't sound too complicated. We have freighters in abundance. Our navy will scrounge some escort vessels. We will launch within 24 hours."

"We are agreed." Tevos said. As they weren't together, they didn't have the luxury of their subtle head nods and shakes.

"What's your crewmember's name, Commander?" Sparatus said.

"Lieutenant James Vega." She said.

"Thank him on our behalf. This lone lieutenant's plan may save the entire galaxy." Tevos said. The Council signed out.

* * *

It was time to visit the crew. And her young charge, who'd taken charge of her. First she visited Garrus. He was in the forward batteries. Instead of working he was sitting and staring at an opened service port. He didn't turn to look at her.

"What's up, Garrus?" She said as she sat down next to him.

He took a breath. "It's Dr. Michel." He said. "Tali and I went to get Liara and Oriana. I begged her to come. I didn't have time to explain the Reapers. Just that we had to leave and that the station was going to be attacked." He paused. "I think that just made it worse. She said she's a doctor and if the station's being attacked it was her duty to stay behind and help the wounded." She put her arm around him.

"You didn't have to explain it to her." Kara said. "She stayed behind not because of something you said or didn't say. She stayed because she chose to. She's being true to herself. Just like you and me, and everyone on this ship. I love being a soldier and all, but you'd be hard pressed to find a higher call than that of a doctor." She paused. "I'm willing to bet my next paycheque she's still alive. Fighting in her own way. We have a duty to keep fighting. The harder and smarter we fight, the quicker we can end this thing."

Garrus stood up. "You're right." He said. He no longer slumped, and bent over the exposed service port with his Omni-Tool. "Thanks Kara," He said. "You know for someone who shoots horribly, you can still hit the bullseye once in a while."

"Thanks, Garrus." She said.

"Provided the bullseye is two inches in front of you...and you have laser targeting." He added.

Kara grinned and patted him on the back. She walked out of the forward batteries and around the ship. The crew was busy. Everyone was hard at work. She passed unseen. They weren't the crew to pretend to work when the boss was around because they always worked. They didn't need her to micromanage them. They knew what to do. When she took over this ship she felt like it was being given to her as stolen goods. Now, she felt, she knew, the crew belonged to her and she to them. The Normandy was an extension of her will. A will exercised by virtue of her command over the crew.

She came across Vega in cargo hold. He was working on her very own Revenant rifle. There was an attachment on the barrel's underside.

"What's that?" She said. He nodded when he saw her.

"It's a mod that will decrease recoil and spread. It's actually built for an Avenger but I managed to get it to fit. I figured you could use it." He handed it to her. She held it and it felt lighter, stabler. She could've used this ages ago.

"Are you saying I'm a bad shot?" She said, looking down the sights.

"No, just marksmanship isn't your thing, that's all." He said and they chuckled together. Playfully she punched his shoulder. She felt like herself again, her real self had been hiding these past weeks. Buried by her other self. But in truth, both were parts of her, sides of the coin. A side which was driven to pleasure and another driven to pain. The key lay in reconciling them, not trying to asset supremacy of one over the other. That had been her mistake, the mistake she'd been making her whole life. Reading Vega's book had showed her this.

"Have you thought about what I asked you all those weeks ago?" She said.

He nodded. "Watts said trying to define your life is like trying to bite your own teeth. I love being a soldier. Except combat. The enemy are just like me. If I can eliminate a hostile non-lethally without endangering my men, I'll do it. The essence is to be completely wrapped into what you're doing and enjoying it. Instead of calling it work, it's play." He grabbed two bandoliers, placed them inside out and applied omni-gel to them. "I know that's more existentialist than Buddhist, but that's what works for me." He then placed the two bandoliers together, creating a double-sided bandolier.

"You sure we're going to have enough grenades?" She said.

"There's no kill like overkill." He said with wink.

She then checked into the medical bay. Chakwas was offduty. But two people were there, both in different stages of slumber. Liara was still in her coma. Covered with lines and monitoring equipment, it was like she was chained to a machine. Her face bore a short scar on her left cheek, and her forehead was deeply bruised. Her limbs were not yet fully healed. On the bed next to her was Oriana, sleeping. A vid was playing on her Omni-Tool. She took a chair and sat between them. She squeezed Liara's shoulder.

"You're back on the Normandy, Liara." She said. "You're safe." She didn't know what else to say, she couldn't escape the feelings of guilt. But whereas before she felt helpless before such guilt or worse, she felt she could make something positive out of this. Provided her friend pulled through.

"Hey Kara." A soft voice next to her said. Kara turned to Oriana, now awake. Oriana shut off her video and they clasped hands together. Kara felt a stirring in her heart, seeing those young brown eyes looking to her.

"Howya doing, kiddo?" She said.

"Okay." She said. "Good to be safe. Are you working now?"

Kara shook her head. "Chakwas said to stay here until you were off-duty."

"Well, here I am." Kara said. "Why don't I take you on a tour?"

Oriana scrambled out of bed and Kara took her on a tour. Oriana was wide-eyed, listening intently as Kara explained every section and system of the ship. She asked a lot of questions and inferred a lot from Kara's answers and explanations. They went through the entire ship, bow to stern. She eventually tired and begged Oriana let her go so she could get some sleep. Oriana parted with her reluctantly, giving her a warm hug before going back to the medical bay. Kara slept a few hours before she went back to work.

* * *

It was a bold, simple plan, one that could fail, but they didn't have the luxury of time. The alliance outfitted three A-class freighters and filled them with explosives. The autopilots were programmed to turn the freighters around and then ram into the core of the relay. The explosives would detonate on contact. Creating a massive explosive that could vaporize everything in the system, in theory.

The main problem was freighters were not maneuverable. Even with extra thrusters, it take at least 3 minutes to accomplish their mission. 3 minutes too long. A half dozen merc ships could finish them off in half that time. Three dreadnoughts were dispatched as escorts. It was hoped the dreadnoughts would exit the system just before the freighters impacted, but it was understood this was for all intents and purposes a suicide mission. They had no choice, just as they felt they had no choice in building a weapon that was a ploy of their foe. Hundreds of men and women were giving their lives against an enemy they didn't know existed until a few hours before.

They would watch it unfold on a vidscreen, one of the dreadnoughts transmitting back to the fleet. Shepard was standing next to Traynor in the briefing room. Traynor's legs were fidgeting, she kept sipping from her coffee mug, even though she'd emptied it 5 minutes ago. Tali was pacing back and forth. Garrus was cleaning his sniper rifle, he kept fumbling and dropping various components on the ground. Mordin was leaning back against a bulkhead, his arms crossed, his body tense despite his leaning posture. Vega was staring at the video screen, his knees fidgeting. A few of the crew were around to watch it.

"10 Seconds." The captain of the lead dreadnought said. All eyes turned sharply towards the screen.

"Knocking on wood." Vega said, knocking on wood paneling on the wall.

The first dreadnought emerged from the relay. 20 Reapers were waiting in the system, the majority were clustered around the dark space portal. Two Reapers were stationed between the Relay and the portal, and they rushed to meet the invaders. _20 of them! How many are at the Citadel now? How many more are on the way_

The other two dreadnoughts entered moments later, followed by the two freighters. The dreadnoughts split off from another, scrambled all their drones. They fired on the approaching Reapers, every single weapon port ablaze and shooting venomous fire. The Reapers absorbed hits but were unaffected, continuing to advance. The drones advanced to within range and opened fire, hundreds of tiny drones firing upon the two ebony behemoths. Shepard's heart sank, the drones might as well have been fruit flies. For all their size, the dreadnoughts weren't much better.

One of the Reapers fired on a dreadnought, it's beam ripping through its kinetic barriers and hull like a hot knife through butter. The crew didn't have time to make for their escape pods. Among the debris could be seen human bodies, limbs flaying in panic and disbelief in the seconds before suffocation took them. The freighters completed their turn and were now headed at full speed towards the relay. It would take about a minute for their run to hit their target. If the two remaining dreadnoughts could keep the Reapers occupied for long enough, this could succeed.

A second dreadnought was felled, the beam hitting the ship's engines, the resulting explosion disintegrated the warship. The two REapers turned onto the lead dreadnought. The doomed ship loosed a final desperate, defiant volley of fire that was just as ineffective as before. The two Reapers ripped the ship apart. The transmission ended then. The vidscreen was black and hissed with black noise. Shepard turned it off. One by one, they left the room in silence. No one looked at another. She was the last to leave. She could think of nothing to say or do. Another desperate gambit had failed. She went up to her quarters. Still wearing her uniform, she dropped onto her bed and fell asleep.

She dreamed a familiar dream. Only, it was different now. Where before she heard and read gibberish, now she could hear and read the words. A blur of light was speaking to her. Speaking Prothean. Instructing her. She knew what to do. The strange contraption before her was a computer console, the characters readable. Only it wasn't mean to be used as a traditional console with keys and commands. It required a direct interface. She plunged her hand into it. The device merged with her flesh. The wires and circuits sinking into her flesh and merging, becoming a part of her, existing alongside her vessels and sinews. She realized there were other methods of communication beyond verbal, written, gesture. Not just communication, but existence and understanding, far beyond her own comprehension. And she could now speak to the unspeakable, make her voice heard among the deaf, and make even the most arrogant obey her command. There was only one command she could give, one command to ensure the recurring cycle would end, once and forever. She awoke suddenly. Not in a cold sweat or trembling with horror. She looked around, calmly, slowly, remembering where she was. The details of the dream faded, but the knowledge imparted remained. Knowledge that led to but one conclusion: She knew how to defeat the Reapers.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

She went to the briefing room to connect with the Council. She stood in front of the QEC device. Just how was she going to explain this to them? She couldn't even explain it to herself. She had an instinct, a conviction, that she knew how to end this. She knew she had to head for the Citadel and the Presidium. The sooner the better. But that was it. It wasn't the first time she would stand before the council with dubious evidence to commend a course of action. But they'd seemed to have learned to trust her since then. There was one other thing she knew. It filled her with ambivalence, but her mission was to destroy the Reapers, and even though for once she had something to look forward after this, it didn't matter. She squeezed the engagement rings hanging around her neck and felt comforted, strengthened. _I know you're with me, Ash._

"Hey Commander," It was Joker. "We got some interesting visitors. You might wanna pull up the ladar down there."

From the relay a massive fleet emerged, hundreds of miles from the human fleet. Geth. 10 Dreadnoughts. Dozens upon dozens of smaller ships. A dozen Rachni ships. The same ray-like shape, only much larger, a wingspan of a hundred feet and double that in length. Soaring gracefully in the solar seas. Bringing up the rear were 6 krogan assault transports. They were box shaped, purely utilitarian in design. There were no aesthetic flourishes like turian, asari or human ships. Every inch of them was designed for a military purpose, delivering a hundred bloodraging krogans into battle.

 _We have heard your call, Redeemer. And we have come._

She contacted the krogans. "This is Urdnot Grunt representing the united clans. Wrex offers his regards, and assistance against the Reapers."

"It's good to see you guys, Grunt."

"Shepard-Commander. We offer assistance to the Council races on behalf of the Geth consensus." It was Legion, or at least, Legion's chassis on the QEC screen.

"I'd never thought I say this, but I'm happy to see you guys. What are your terms?"

 _Our assistance is offered freely, out of gratitude._

"Unconditional." Grunt said. "This is no time for political horsetrading."

"Shepard-Commander, our assistance has no terms. It is offered in a gesture of goodwill." Legion said.

"That's...an awful lot of good will." Shepard said.

"So, do you have a plan to eliminate the Reapers?" Grunt said.

"Actually, I do." Shepard said. The foggy path in front of her cleared.

* * *

"How are you so certain in your plan?" Tevos asked. The four councilors and the salarian dalatrass were present on her QEC.

"I can't explain it…I just…know." She said.

"Is this from another dream or vision of yours?" Udina asked.

"Yes." She said. Even though they were many systems away, she noted their skepticism. "The visions I had from the beacon were proven to be true. This is no different."

"We trust your judgement, but we would prefer some other form of verification." The dalatrass said.

"The Reapers are your verification." Shepard said. _Why are they still so obstinate?_

"Our faith in you has been justified." Udina said. "Were this coming from anyone else, I would dismiss it outright. Time and again, she has proven right where we have doubted." _How strange are things that Udina is the voice of reason?_

"The longer we delay, the weaker our position." Sparatus said. "There is a need for rapid action."

"That may be true, but it would be unwise to risk our combined fleets on such a mission." Tevos said. "Our last sortie was hastily planned and resulted in a disaster. We need a combined, well-devised strategy to fight this threat."

"Then I'll do it without you. My allies will back me up." Shepard said.

"Send your allies on a foolhardy mission, if you must. But we would rather not risk you. You're our only expert on the Reapers." Tevos said.

"It has to be me. Otherwise, it won't work." Shepard said.

"You are not to be sacrificed some a vainglorious suicide mission." The dalatrass said.

Shepard scoffed. "Vanity isn't one of my vices, dalatrass, ask...anyone. This isn't about glory. It's about saving us from the Reapers. This has been my life for the past 3 months. I'm the only one who can do this." Shepard said.

Even if they didn't assent to her request, she was going to do it anyway. She had to.

"Very well, Commander." Tevos said. The others voted in favour. Each wished her good luck and vanished from her screen. Udina remained last.

"I have been hard on you, Shepard. Because my expectations were high." Udina said. "You have…exceeded them. Thank you. And good luck."

Shepard did a double-take. She was stunned and couldn't think of what to say before Udina signed off. _If I'm getting compliments from Udina the universe is on one hell of a bender.  
_

* * *

After contacting Grunt, Legion and the Rachni she called for a briefing. Traynor, Garrus,Tali, Mordin, Vega and Joker joined her. They looked at her with expectant eyes, and for once she felt she wasn't going to disappoint them. She was about to start when Oriana sauntered in sat down casually, as if she belonged here. Kara winked at her and started her briefing.

"I know how to defeat the Reapers." She said. They didn't need to know that it was all in her subconscious somehow, and she was gambling it would surface in her mind when the time came. She would play the notes that were in her subconscious.

"We're going to coordinate an assault on the Citadel with the Geth, the Rachni and the krogan. The geth fleet will be our cover. We need to land as close to the presidium as possible. We lead a ground assault until we get there. We rescue any civilians we can find."

"What's our objective?" Garrus asked.

"Once we're on the presidium, I'll find the objective and...we'll go from there."

Her crew exchanged looks. "So, you're not sure yet." Garrus said.

"No." She admitted. "We'll start playing the notes that are there, and then we'll play the notes that aren't there."

"No problem. It just makes this more exciting." Garrus said. Kara's tension eased. "Imagine what this is going to look like when they make a vid of this."

"I'd pay a year's salary to see that." Vega said. "I want Slab Bulkhead to play me."

"I want Dirk Hardpeck to play me." Garrus said. "Imagine the royalties we'd get. We could retire and live on some tropical planet."

"Feel Splint Chesthair would best be suited to play my role. Very loquacious. Good singing voice." Mordin said.

"I think Dick Johnson would be perfect to play me." Joker said.

The room echoed with laughter. "We're not worried, Shepard." Tali said when the laughter died down.

"Charging head first into danger without much of a plan? I wouldn't have it any other way." Garrus said. She felt overwhelmed with gratitude. She'd earned their support, loyalty and faith. Now it was unconditional and unbreakable. Yes, this is what it's like to be part of a family.

"Okay. Garrus, have you calibrated the Normandy enough?"

"You can never over-calibrate. There's always some extra juice to be squeezed out, even when you don't know it. Sometimes, you get tired but you get a second wind and you just have to keep going at it."

She tried to avoid the mental picture that came to mind. "Mordin. Vega. Have you finished going over the combat gear?"

"Yes. Barriers and shields boosted. Belts equipped with extra grenade pouches. All weapons cleaned and ready for action."

"Good. Traynor. Has your analysis found any possible weaknesses?"

"The Reapers are vulnerable when they fire their main weapon. A direct hit on the weapon housing can inflict considerable damage."

"But for that to work, the Reaper has to be firing its main gun. It's a suicidal shot." Joker said.

"For greater likelihood of success, the shot has to be coming from a smaller, more maneuverable target. The Geth have lots of fighters and cruisers they can devote to this. A further problem is the Reapers seem impermeable against small projectile weapons."

"Have you figured out how many Reapers have come through?"

Traynor shook her head. "I can guess. Three of them attacked the Citadel. Our sortie that went tits up reported 20 Reapers in the system. That's about one per hour. That is their only way into the system. We've already tried to attack them there once, defending it's going to be their top strategic priority until they're at full strength. I suspect the garrison around the Citadel is going to be tripled by the time we get there."

"Okay. The Geth and Rachni are going to run point for our armada. The krogans will be behind us. As soon as we're formed up we'll head for the Citadel. Joker, how long will the jump take?"

"About 10 hours." Joker said.

"Any questions?" There was no uncertainty on anyone's face, only quiet confidence.

"Let's do this." The crew stood and saluted and started to disperse. She called Joker over. "Joker, I have a favour to ask." She waited for the room to clear before they spoke.

* * *

She found Liara as she was before, asleep, unaware. The lights were dim, if not the medical equipment plugged into her her, you would be forgiven for thinking she was merely asleep. The medical bay was empty except for the two of them. The medical readings were steady, no change. She sat down next to her and took Liara's hand. There wasn't any response that she could see or feel.

"Liara, it's me." She said. She waited before continuing, hoping there would be some response. "We're going back to the Citadel. I know how to end this. Only, I don't know how. I don't even know how I know. Maybe the protheans thought more on a subconscious level than a conscious one. I've been having these nightmares and headaches every time I had spoke with someone on the Citadel or was on the Citadel. It's one of the reasons I took stims, to avoid those dreams. I had a hunch and Joker confirmed it. Its slowly starting to make sense."

"I have a pretty good idea how this is going to end. It's a strange feeling. I always thought if I knew it was coming I would fight it or be angry or sad or something. Instead, I feel calm. Maybe Vega's book is starting to rub off on me."

She was quiet for a time. The only sound her own breathing and the steady chime of the medical equipment monitoring her vitals. This was the hardest part.

"I wish you could come with us. It doesn't feel right going out there without you." She said. "Thank you, for being there. For everything. We couldn't have come this far without you. You're like a sister to me. I'm sorry I tried to hide it from you. I should've known better." Tears were forming at the corner of her eyes. "I guess when you sit down and write your book however many hundred years from now, be honest about me. Don't make me out to be a hero. I'm not. I'm just a junkie who stayed on the wagon long enough to do some good."

She squeezed Liara's hand one last time. She thought she felt something, a very slight pressure. It was incredibly faint. She looked back on Liara's face and her medical readouts. There was no change. She sighed, she must've imagined it. Again. She stood and walked away. She stopped at the entrance to the medical bay. She looked back at Liara's peaceful body and said goodbye.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Oriana was alone in the mess, eating cereal from a bowl. A milk stained smile grew on her face. Kara sat next to her and put her arm around her. Oriana gave her a sideways hug and went back to her breakfast. Kara found herself stroking the girl's hair.

"What are you eating?" Kara said.

"Eezo puffs." Oriana said, swallowing another spoonful. "My second bowl."

Kara grabbed the bowl and pushed it away. "Orry, you need fibre and protein with your breakfast. These things are 500% sugar."

"I don't care. They're yummy!" Oriana reached for the bowl but Kara was able to keep it out of her reach. Oriana looked at her with pleading eyes. And Kara relented. She knew she was being manipulated, but how could she deny those eyes? In some ways she was still like a child. And these brief moments were to be treasured. All the more because of what was coming.

"Okay." Kara said. "You can have that one. But that's your last one." She would have to reprogram the commissary.

They sat together quietly. The only sound was the crunching of cereal within Oriana's mouth. She waited for her to finish before she talked.

"We need to talk, Orry." Oriana pushed the bowl away and turned to face her. She no longer looked at her with a child's eyes. She probably looked the same at that age, only not as aged.

"We're heading back to the Citadel to stop the Reapers. You need to know that I'm...I might not make it back." She said, surprised at how calmly she said it, but she'd still sugar-coated it. Oriana said nothing but hugged her and held her close. Kara held her tightly. How had she grown so attached to her in such short time? Was it desperation on her part, or was it because she was good person? Worthy of being a maternal figure?

"Don't go down the road I did." Kara said. "Stay away from drugs and booze. God, I sound like some awful PSA. But they don't make the pain go away, no matter how good they make you feel. It always stays with you. And you keep doing more hoping the drugs will bury. But it doesn't work that way. You have to find your own inner peace with what's happened. That can only come from within you. But others can help you find that peace."

She didn't say anything but she felt her nod her head.

"Why did you...choose me?" Kara asked. A question she'd been meaning to ask.

She spoke after a few seconds of silence. "I knew the illusive man wanted you to join Cerberus. He wouldn't stop talking about it. I got curious and read about you. I even read some secret stuff. You're... you're amazing. I wanna be a Spectre, save lives, like you."

Kara was silent. She'd never received such praise as this. Such complete and unreserved admiration. She never thought of herself as much of a role-model. And yet here they were. Just because she was imperfect did not preclude her from being admirable. A hard lesson to learn, but she'd finally learned it. The one regret was it had taken this long, traveled long miles on wrong paths. She kissed Oriana's forehead and thanked her. Some time later was able to disentangle herself.

"I'm sorry kiddo, but I have some work to do before we head out." She nodded in understand. They shared one long, final hug before she went back up to her quarters to prepare and get some rest.

* * *

She was surprised when her door chimed. She'd been playing guitar. For the first time in weeks it felt good. Despite it being a cheap guitar, she was playing it for all she could. With some finality, she put the guitar down and went to her door. It was Samantha. She was wearing rather flattering clothes, a low-cut blouse and skirt and some extra makeup and an intoxicating brand of perfume. She looked nervous.

"Sam?"

"Kara. I…thought we might spend the night, em, I mean, spend some time together, eh, hanging out."

"Sure." Kara let her in. She didn't really want to be alone in these last few hours. They sat down on her sofa. They looked at another awkwardly.

"So, how are you feeling? You know, eh, physically?" Sam asked.

"Well, Its been 9 hours since I last threw up so that's progress, I guess." Kara chuckled. "You know, I was looking forward to going to rehab."

There was an awkward silence as Sam realized and accepted the implication of her words. "We all need something to look forward to, that's something, I guess... You'll make it." Sam said, forcing a weak smile, trying to fight against the realization.

"What about you?" Kara said. "What are you looking forward to?"

Sam fixed her with her eyes. Kara felt them boring into her. And she felt herself blushing. "You know the answer to that."

Sam's hand reached for hers. Her heartbeat quickened. Her breath became shallower.

"Sam…" Kara said. Her voice barely a whisper. "I don't know…I don't want you to be hurt."

"Kara." Sam said. Her voice was trembling, yet there was some confidence behind it. "I'm a big girl. I don't need you to protect me. We don't what tomorrow brings. What matters is now."

Kara felt herself pulled in to Sam's orbit. She thought of Ashley. _Ashley would want you to be happy. To move on. I will always love Ashley, the whole universe can change around me, but that will never change._ She reached out and touched Sam's face. Her skin was soft and warm. Sam closed her eyes and inclined her head towards Kara's hand. Their lips touched and they kissed feverishly, passionately. Kara led her to her bed, their clothes desperately being removed. There was a wild abandon, a lack of restraint, a savoring of every gesture, every touch, every look, every kiss. For the first time in long weeks, Kara felt joy.

She awoke and looked out of window, the starts illuminating her darkened room. Sam was coiled next to her, sleeping naked to her. She was caressing Sam's hair, her body with her fingers. She was avoiding looking at the clock. _Now is what matters._ These past few hours of joy and bliss were what mattered, what they were fighting for. It was certainly a great sendoff. Sam stirred in her embrace. Her angelic eyes opened. They kissed another gently. Sam pulled away and looked at her with intense eyes.

"Kara." She said.

"Sam…" Kara tried to silence her.

"I love you." _Oh, Sam._ Sam kissed her but Kara couldn't kiss her back.

"Sam, I don't…I can't." Kara trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"It's okay. I don't expect you to." Sam said. "I just had to say it." Kara nodded. She understood that, and the regret of leaving things unsaid. Sam looked at the clock. "We still have a few more hours…"

"I'm sorry, Sam." Kara said, for once looking at the clock. Only 3 hours before they would hit the Citadel, but she didn't feel despair or dread. Only quiet determination and confidence. "I need to get ready. Some things I need to do."

"Maybe I can help." Sam said.

"These things, I need to do alone." Kara said ruefully. Sam looked at her and nodded. They shared a lingering kiss before disentangling themselves. They put their clothes on, neither in a hurry to put them on. Kara walked Sam to her. Sam turned to face her. They kissed another and held another close.

"Thank you, Sam." Kara said after pulling free from their kiss. "I only wish that…." She couldn't finish her sentence as Sam kissed her again.

"It's okay." Sam said, stroking Kara's hair. "I understand." Kara looked into Sam's eyes and saw their shared understanding. _Ash was right about her. And so am I._

* * *

With Sam's reluctant departure, Kara showered. She indulged herself in the shower, spending long minutes under the warm, streaming water. She emerged feeling clean and refreshed. She brewed herself some Duncan Hills coffee. She deeply inhaled the divine smell before sipping. She delighted in every texture of the aroma, the smooth aftertaste. She played her guitar, playing her favourite songs and riffs. She was going to enjoy everything she could before the time came. The clock loomed and in spite of her wish to treasure every moment, she knew she had some work to do.

She placed a call. Mrs. Williams picked up. She didn't look all that different from before, maybe her hair was a bit greyer.

"Kara?" Mrs. Williams said. Kara nodded.

"How are you doing? It's nice to see you."

"I'm okay." Kara said, feeling some tears beginning to manifest. "How about you?"

"Well, I can't complain, I guess." She said with a heavy sigh. "I think of her every day. I thought losing a husband was the worst thing you could feel. Turns out, there's something even worse than that. I guess I'll get used to her being gone. But not too soon, I hope." Mrs. Williams reached for some tissues. Kara rubbed her watery eyes.

"I miss her too." Kara said. They said nothing for a few moments. "Where's Sara?"

"Oh, she's gone out with her friends." She said, without any bitterness or reproach. "They've been magnificent, always dropping by, checking in on us. Sara's got a boyfriend. He took us out to dinner last night. He's a decent enough fellow. Well, she doesn't need me or anyone else to look out for her. She's got as much fire as her sister, bless her heart."

"How about you?" Kara asked.

"Well, I spend more time at the church, reconnected with some old friends. And it turns out I'm a decent golfer."

"That's good." Kara said.

"They say on the news something bad's happened but no one seems to know what." She said.

"It's…complicated. But I know how to stop them. It's what Ash and I have been fighting for." Kara said.

"But It's going to be hard, isn't it?" Kara nodded.

"Well, Ash had faith in you. And that's good enough for me. I'm more worried about my handicap."

"Thanks." Kara said.

"She loved you, you know?" Kara nodded and she couldn't stop the tears.

"That time you two called us to give me the news." A hint of a smile appeared on her face. "I've never seen her so happy. I knew just by the look on her face."

"Were you surprised?" Kara asked.

"Well, a little, I suppose. But I could tell something was up when you stayed here, how she kept looking at you. How she'd talk about you when she called." She smiled. "I think that's what I'll always remember. She was strong but had a poet's soul."

"Me too." Kara said, making liberal use of tissues.

"Well, look at us, sobbing like two old maids." Mrs. Williams joke. Kara looked at the clock.

"You have to get going, don't you?"

Kara nodded. "I was calling…to say thank you. Those two weeks I spent at your house was the first time in my life I felt like I was part of a family."

"Well, it was our pleasure to host you, my dear. Sara and I will always treasure our memories of you. Good luck to you."

"And to you. Goodbye."

* * *

She wrote one final letter to Command and filled in some final administrative forms. She cleaned her quarters, even made her bed using hospital corners like she'd learned in basic. She dressed herself in her combat gear. She checked her equipment, ensuring everything from her boots up to her helmet were clean, lubricated and well functioning. She looked at her quarters before leaving. Everything was clean and neatly put away. No doubt whatever would happen in the next few hours would leave the ship in a mess, but at least she'd cleaned her quarters. She gave it one final look and shut the light and left.

The CIC was buzzing. Every work station was occupied, Traynor was balancing three datapads in her hands. She walked to her station at CIC was pleased to find a hot thermos coffee waiting for her.

"Thanks, Traynor, but I'm trying to cut down." She said.

"Yes, well, I figured you couldn't say no." Traynor said.

"Lucky for you." They shared a knowing smile. "Speaking of not saying no. Remember that toothbrush you wanted?"

Sam nodded, her eyes brightening with anticipation. "Well, it just may have found its way onto a requisition form."

Sam smiled and blew her a kiss.

"You're welcome." Kara said. "But if an auditor finds out, not even Admiral Hackett will be able to save you."

"It's worth it."

"Okay, what's our status?" Shepard asked, getting to business.

"ETA is 4 minutes, 35 seconds." Joker said. "Weapons are go. Defense systems are go. The geth will enter 2 minutes before us. Everyone and everything checks out."

"Alright." Shepard said. "Put me through to our fleet."

"We've come from different places but we all have the same goal. Think of everything your species have achieved and want to achieve. None of that will matter if we don't defeat the Reapers. We're making common cause against a foe. But too often, those alliances dissipate once the foe is no more. This time is different. We must forgive another for the rachni wars, the genophage, the morning war and all the other wars. Otherwise, we will continue to fight old wars. Forgiveness is the noblest of achievements, and the first step in striving for it begins today. We're fighting not just for ourselves, but for everyone else. We all deserve a future. The Reapers stand in the way of that. We've earned the right to decide our future. It's time to teach the Reapers that. Shepard out."

"ETA 20 seconds." Joker said.

"Battle stations." Shepard said. "The Reapers are about to find out what happens when you piss me off."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The Normandy emerged gracefully into the Citadel's system, a system entangled in chaos. The advance fleet had engaged the Reapers. The geth had numbers their side. The dreadnoughts were equal in size to the Reaper ships. But each dreadnought could scramble hundreds of smaller craft, from mid-size fighters to drones, to engage the Reapers. The rachni ships were like parasites, latching themselves onto the Reaper's hulls and discharging an acidic compound. The acid slowly burrowed into the Reaper's hulls. On the surface, it was less effective than the Geth's approach. But like a dog assailed by fleas, the dog would exhaust itself and open wounds dealing with the pestilence, leaving it weakened and vulnerable to infection. The Geth and rachni had created a protective gauntlet for them to pass through. The krogans had already landed.

Just off their port bow, two geth dreadnoughts engaged a Reaper. The Reaper opened it's main gunport. The geth anticipated this and had fired before the port opened. But it was not enough as the Reaper's beam sliced through a dreadnought before it was felled. It's beam cut through barriers and metal with equal indifference. The damaged dreadnought was sliced in half along it's length. Despite this, sections of the dreadnought continued to fire on the Reaper. The fire from the two dreadnoughts impacted on the Reaper's main weapon port and the abomination listed, drifting away. The Normandy continued, almost untouched on it's run towards the closed Citadel. The fleet protected them, but at great cost, losing almost three ships for every Reaper they destroyed. In terms of sheer numbers, The Reapers couldn't be defeated conventionally, not without every species dwindling to extinction levels. She had to end this. and she would.

They were a few minutes from docking with the Citadel. It looked dormant, like something was cocooned inside. She looked at the length of the CIC, taking in details she'd ignored of taken for granted before. Even the dull ceiling bulkheads gave her something of interest. The crew was looking at her expectantly. She stepped down from her pedestal and went towards the elevator.

"Commander." Traynor said. She turned towards her. Traynor snapped to attention.

"The Commander is leaving the CIC." She said. The crew rose out of their stations and faced her. She saw Joker in the corner of her eye, standing and facing with them. Traynor led the crew in saluting her. Shepard snapped to attention and returned the salute. Her own eyes watered and she saw Traynor's eyes moisten, as well as the eyes of everyone on deck. Their arms lowered.

"Give 'em hell, Commander." Traynor said. Shepard nodded and turned away, making for the elevator. She took a few steps and was about to enter the elevator when Traynor called to her. She turned around and Sam ran to her and they kissed passionately. Kara wanted to hold her close, to feel the warmth of her body, but her armour made that impossible. Still, they held another as close as they could. Their kiss broke. They touched their foreheads as they looked into another's eyes. Kara gently caressed Sam's cheek.

"I just figured out what kind of dog I'd like." Samantha said nervously. "A Retriever. Or a Husky. Or a Lab. A real dog, you know. Not some maingey pooch that yaps-."

"Take care of Oriana." Kara said. Traynor calmed herself. That cold reserve reasserting itself.

"I will." Traynor said, both of their eyes running with tears. "We'll be okay."

"I know." Kara said. They kissed another briefly before Kara parted, squeezing her lover's hands before she entered the elevator. The doors closed with a louder bang than normal.

* * *

The cargo bay looked empty without the Mako. The crew, her friends were formed up before the cargo doors. All were suited up and ready. "Shame, I was really looking forward to driving the mako again." Shepard said.

Vega coughed suspiciously.

"Speak for yourself, Commander." Garrus said.

"Commander's evaluation of driving skills problematic." Mordin said.

"Such insubordination before an important mission. I should convene a court martial right now." Shepard joked.

"Seems to me you're the one who should be court martialled for how you drive that sweet thing." Vega said.

She came to Tali. "Commander?" She said. "I want to tell you before we go. I got a message from the Admiralty last night. They've accepted the geth's offer. They want me to be part of the negotiating team."

"That's wonderful!" Kara said. Tali nodded.

"Keelah. 3 months ago, if you told me what I just told you, I thought you'd be mad. Even though I've never negotiated anything before, I'm ready for it. I'm looking forward to it. I'll not just see Rannoch, but be able to set foot on it, live on it like our ancestors. Keelah selai, Shepard. "

Shepard repeated the greeting and faced Vega.

"You know, Vega. I never believed in destiny. Too busy living one day to the next. But now, I feel like everything in my life has been leading up to this."

"That's a rare feeling." Vega said. "With all the books I've read and all I've done, and plan to do, I still have doubts. Is this the right path for me? Would I better off doing something else?"

"You are on the right path." Shepard said. "You're the best kind of soldier; one who can think. who joined out of duty, not just 'cause you like to blow some shit up. You'd be a good Spectre some day."

"James Vega. Second human Spectre. Has a nice ring to it." He said. "But no one could ever match the first." They jabbed their fists together. She came to face Garrus.

"Looks like this it." Garrus said. "How are you feeling?"

"Good." She said. He nodded, mirroring her confidence.

"One last thing." He said. "You were born for this. You're the best damn soldier I've ever seen."

"I guess that makes you second best?" Kara said.

"Second to none." Garrus said. They tapped another's shoulders and Kara faced Mordin.

"Commander. Happy to have served under you. Learned. Grew much."

"I've learned from you, as well." Kara said. "Any news from Maelon?"

"Cure progressing into test phase. Reason for optimism. Political stability increasing on Tuchanka. Signs of progress."

"Good. How do you think the council will respond?" Shepard asked.

"Council will be cautious. Fearful. Krogans will need advocates. Am volunteering to advocate on their behalf."

"Really?" Shepard's eyebrows raised.

Mordin nodded. "Had to be me."

"Indeed." Shepard nodded. She took her place at the front of two ranks, Garuus by her side. Tali, Mordin, and Vega bringing up the rear. She wished Liara was here. Not just to because their squad needed a biotic, but because of their friendship, there was a comfort in having her around. She felt Liara would come out of her coma okay. She was strong and resilient. She wished Kaidan were here. Even Jenkins who she hardly knew. Even Jack, despite their tempestuous relationship. And she reached up and held the wedding bands around her neck. She knew that Ashley's spirit was with her, somehow. If there was an afterlife of some kind, she dearly hoped Ashley would be there.

"20 seconds to landing." Joker said. "LZ is a bit hot, but there's enough room to drop you guys off."

"Hey Joker," Shepard called out. "Thanks for everything."

Joker was silent for a few moments. "Don't mention it, Commander. Eh, landing in 5,4,3,2,1."

The main doors opened. They were landing not far from the elevators leading up to the Presidium. Geth and krogan troops were on the "ground", engaging the Reaper forces. 3-Dimensional ground combat was still disorienting to her, she felt like she was alive inside an Escher painting. A few Rachni drones in on the LZ, maintained a biotic barrier to compliment the kinetic barrier erected by the krogans. The barriers absorbed heavy fire. A dozen krogans were active under the umbrella of the barriers, firing up on the Reaper positions with missiles and heavy weapons. Around the LZ were scattered a handful of crates filled with weapons and medical equipment.

"This looks awfully familiar." Garrus said.

"Just like old times." Shepard said.

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Tali said, speaking for all of them.

The Normandy hovered to about a dozen feet off the ground. "Okay. Jump." Shepard ordered. They jumped out. The limited gravity cushioned their fall. They activated their boot magnets. The Normandy flew off.

She looked around. Where the relay monument had once been was nothing but a pile of charred rubble, the debris reaching over a hundred feet in either direction. The krogan monument was darkened by holes from small arms fire and burn marks from higher impact weapons. Yet it stood, defiant. _Just like us._ The waters of the presidium had been drained. The greenery had been burned. She spotted the bench where she and Ashley had spent their last peaceful moments. The bench was broken in half, hit by heavy weapons fire. The windows of the offices and apartments were blown apart, like a bomb had gone off. She saw a lot of blood and a few torn limbs littering the floors and covering the walls, but didn't see any bodies. What had the Reapers done with them? Turned them into more husks? This area had once been lush with colour and life. Now it was dead and coloured by blood and ash. She was grateful for her helmet, no doubt the stench would be overwhelming. A geth trooper walked towards them.

"Good to see you again, Legion."

"Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander." Legion said.

"Give me a sitrep" She said.

"Gradual progress towards objective. Heavy resistance. Significant casualties. Reapers using mutated forms of organic species as combat troops. Objective area heavily reinforced. Suggests they are aware of it's tactical importance."

"How are you working with the korgans?"

"Krogans acting as shook troops, flushing out enemy forces. We are able to rely on precision and supreme tactical awareness to engage the opposition."

"Who's in command of the korgans?" Shepard asked.

"Urdnot Grunt. He is 47 yards ahead of us."

"Contact!" Vega shouted.

From around the corner, a couple of husks emerged and rushed towards them. Shepard aimed and fired a couple of bursts with her Revenant. The first burst hit the first husk and the second hit the second husk. Both were stopped in their tracks.

"Well done, Commander." Garrus said. "You actually managed to hit something."

"Smart ass." Shepard punched Garrus' shoulder. She clenched her teeth to avoid grimacing from the pain of hitting his combat armour. It didn't fool Garrus who laughed.

"Shepard-Commander, your accuracy has increased. Worthy of praise indeed." Was Legion joking? _Now, this is where the trouble starts. When AIs start taking the piss out of us._

"Shepard-Commander. We recommend our main force act as a diversion. Have found a diversionary route which will take you the objective area."

"Good. upload it to my Omni-Tool." She read the schematics. They would be climbing lots of stairs since the elevators had been cut off. Two different shafts. After climbing one shaft, they would have to walk across a concourse, past a hospital and up another shaft for their final ascent.

"Shepard-Commander. We are not clear as to your specific objective." Legion said.

"Neither am I, yet." Shepard said.

"Shepard-Commander, it is unwise to initiate combat without a clear objective."

"Yeah, well, sometimes you have to play the notes that are there. Sometimes you have to play the notes that aren't there." Shepard said, remembering the words of King, all those years ago.

"Shepard-Commander, we do not understand." Legion said.

"Neither can I. You just need to trust me." Shepard said.

"Understood. You have earned our trust. Good luck, Shepard-Commander."

"Acknowledged." Shepard said. "It's been nice knowing you, Legion." She said. It fixed her with it's eye, like it was adjusting it's focus.

"Shepard-Commander, our association has proved to be a useful and efficient allocation of resources. Our consensus was correct in choosing your to be our first point of contact."

"Thank you." She said. She looked back one last time at the bench where she and Ashley had spent their last quiet moment together. She reached up and squeezed the wedding rings. "Vega, Tali, Garrus, Mordin, on me." They formed up behind her. "Let's go."

"Hoo-ah!" Vega said.

* * *

The first set of emergency stairs wasn't far from the elevator that led up to the Presidium. The staircase was spiral and enclosed. The sounds and concussions of battle were impossible to ignore. The ground trembled with every explosion. They heard the echo of every instance of weapon fire. They made quick progress up several flights of stairs, they said nothing. They came across no one. Dried Bloodstains and miscellaneous personal effects littered the ground, everything from weapons to clothes to datapads and children's toys.

They came to the end of the stairwell, a solid concrete door in front of them. They heard more sounds of combat, but these weren't coming from the afar. They were coming from just past the door. Shepard slowly opened the door. The hallway before them was empty, but sounds of battle were very closed. Weapons fire. Shouting. And...strange gurgling sounds. The sounds were in the direction they needed to go, towards the hospital.

They spread out, their weapons ready, scanning every direction. They sounds grew louder until they reached the hallway curved inwards and opened in a wide courtyard, revealing the main hospital entrance. It was a scene of devastation and carnage. The ground packed tight with blood and gore, human, turian, asari, hanar but mostly unidentifiable creatures. They looked like an insect's take on a centaur, six legs on a black carapace, and an upright body with four arms and a short head. A pair of arms looked like weapons ports, like a cannon or machine gun had been fused to their bodies.

The Reapers were firing at the main entrance. A few men and women were firing back, ducking behind cover after blind firing a burst. They'd done well but they weren't going to last much longer. They couldn't fire without risking a crossfire.

"Grenades." She ordered. They each took a grenade from their bandoliers. "On three, two, one." They tossed their grenades. Shepard activated a drone. She waited for the concussion before sending the drone forth. The grenades had taken out a few of the Reapers. A handful remained. The drone engaged the remaining Reapers. Fire rained from the hospital entrance, the Reapers caught in a deadly crossfire. Her drone was felled but by then only a single Reaper remained.

"All clear!" Someone shouted from the hospital entrance.

"Hold your fire!" Shepard said. "Name's Shepard. I'm with the Alliance!"

"Shepard?!" The voice exclaimed in confusion. Why was the voice familiar?

"Come on out." Another voice said. They emerged from the bend. They trod cautiously towards them, the ground thickly covered with gore, blood and visera. A ooze-like substance clung to their boots when then trod over the Reaper bodies. Four people emerged from the hospital, a human male and three turians. They were tired and exhausted. Bloodshot eyes, bloodstains covering their clothes. The human looked familiar but she couldn't place the face. He seemed to recognize her. His formal military uniform was ripped and torn. The turians looked like civilians from their dress and the uncomfortable way they handled their weapons.

"Brilliant, Shepard. Happy to see you." He said. Where did he recognize her from? Was she just someone she'd seen on vids, or someone who'd actually known her?

"Sitrep." She said.

"We've been holed up here maybe 8 hours. Been trying to survive. There's pockets of fighting throughout the station but we can't communicate. All comms are down. They're using some kind of firewall. We got a bunch of patients here who need care but none of us have medical training. We had a doctor here, I think her name was Michel, but she left, she was going to find other survivors and care for them."

"When did she leave?" Garrus said, his tone urgent and worried.

"6, maybe 7 hours ago."

Garrus said nothing but she knew his heart sank.

"Those things are gonna come back." The man said. "They always do."

"Vega, Mordin, you two stay here. Setup a perimeter. Mordin, do what you can for the patients here." Shepard ordered. "If you can get their conditions stabilized, go back to the LZ." Vega and Mordin nodded. Mordin went inside.

"Contact!" Vega said. They turned around and saw a horde of Reapers approaching them. Dozens upon dozens of them. They scurried inside, taking cover from behind the charred hospital doors. She ordered grenades and they tossed them despite the incoming weapons fire. Shepard activated a drone but it was quickly shot down. The fire was withering and unceasing. They could fire blindly, anything more they risked being killed.

"They're rushing us!" Garrus yelled. Shepard looked behind them. They didn't have much of a fallback position. The reception area was wide open and only a few desks for cover. They had to hold them off here.

"Fire everything!" Shepard side. All of them fired their rifles blindly. It didn't seem to make any difference. The fire continued. She could almost smell them coming closer. She had to get up to the Presidium. She couldn't die down here in a suicidal stand.

There was a deafening biotic explosion. Then the sound of something, many somethings, hitting the wall. Dust and debris flew in from the gap.

"It's safe! You can come out now!" A familiar voice shouted.

"Jack?" Shepard swore, peering out and seeing the tattooed renegade wiping her hands with understated cockiness. A hint of a smile appeared when they saw another. She was ragged, dark cirlces around her eyes, blood covering her entire body. The Reapers had been shoved against the far wall, the force of the biotics crushing them. Black, biomechanical blood seeping from the wall. It looked like a grotesque carving fused into the wall.

"Bloody hell." The human said. "You did that?"

"That's Jack for ya." Garrus said.

"Fancy seeing you here." Jack said. "I had a feeling you'd show up."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad to see you." Shepard said, walking towards her.

"Same here." Jack said. They stood before another awkwardly, neither entirely sure how to acknowledge the other. Finally, Jack broke the silence.

"I guess you're here to save the day? Figures." Jack said.

"Jack, I can't stay here. will you help these people?" Jack looked at the charred and barely standing hospital entrance.

"That hospital full of people?" Shepard nodded.

"Okay. I'll stay while you save the day." Shepard looked back. "Garrus, Tali, on me."

Her turian and quarian friend walked through the gore infested swamp that had settled here.

"Hey, Shep." Jack said as they prepared to set off.

"What happened to that girl? Oriana. She okay?"

"Yeah, she's going to be with Sam."

Jack nodded. "Not you? She worships you."

Shepard shook her head. "That's not in the cards. About the only regret I have right now."

Jack was silent as she took Shepard's meaning. "Well, you're a massive bitch, but you're my kind of bitch. You kick some ass out there." Shepard said goodbye and set off to complete her journey. She'd journeyed many miles, and had only a few left. .

"Hey Shepard," It was the human. "You're bloody brilliant. Cheers. For everything."

It was only when she entered the next stairwell that she recognized the man. He was the one who'd mocked her at Kaidan's funeral. _Dead Shep is no more. Unless you're a Reaper. Dead Shep is coming for you._


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

They climbed up the spiral staircase. The sounds of battle echoed but they were silent. Their breathing and boots hitting the ground created an oddly musical pattern. As they climbed, Shepard's vision became clearer. She knew where she had to go. On the Presidium, not far from the main control panel, was a maintenance shaft. She had to go through it. Her objective, whatever that was, was there. She'd stopped her epistemological questioning, there was no point. It was time to play the notes that weren't there. They climbed a few hundred feet before they finally reached the end. Shepard had to admit she was somewhat out of breath.

"I'm not as in shape as I used to be." She said, catching her breath.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I miss elevators." Tali said with a groan.

"I liked all those long rides. Tell me about your immune system again?" Garrus said.

Tali fixed Garrus with what she assumed was the ultimate death glare.

"I have a shotgun." She said.

"Eh, on second thought, forget I asked." Garrus said.

Cautiously she opened the door. They were on a concourse overlooking the presidium, they kept low. A few weeks ago, onlookers and diplomats were here, watching her being named the first human Spectre. Below them was no ordinary scene. Dozens of the Reaper creatures patrolled the ground. A few dozen more were firing out of sight at the geth and krogan. At the main control console was Lafarge, his face was red and dripping with sweat. He was working with frenetic frustration, throwing up his hands almost every second. He had a grenade launcher strapped to his back.

"He's trying to hack into the database." Tali said.

"Good thing that tapeworm wiped out all the data." Shepard said.

"It's possible he might find something." Tali said.

Shepard scanned the scene. There was a winding walkway that led down to the presidium grounds. About two dozen meters behind Lafarge was the maintenance shaft. It was covered by a grille. They needed a diversion. She turned to her friends.

"Okay, here's the plan." She said. "I need to go in that maintenance shaft to the south. Cover me. Gather all your grenades. When I give the signal, throw em. Tali, deploy a drone at the same time. Then just keep firing until I get through."

Tali and Garrus exchanged a look before they nodded to her. She was about to set off when she stopped herself.

"Listen, thanks for...everything." They stuck out their arms and they had a group hug before she set off. She hated goodbyes and she'd had so many of them lately. There was some comfort in this was the last one. The last of her original crew from the Normandy, both joining after the disaster of Eden Prime. She'd come this far with their help. Now it was time to finish this alone, even if she didn't know yet how to end it.

She crept down the passageway, staying out of sight. The walkway wound around a few times until she was at ground level. The grille was 15 feet away, out in the open. She'd fire on the grille, hopefully that would be enough to force her way through it. The Reapers were focused on the krogan and geth battleforce. There was no way to tell how far away they were. Lafarge was focused on the computer console. She could hear his frustrated curses. It was almost comical.

She looked up to Tali and Garrus. She took in a deep breath and nodded. She watched as 7 grenades drifted downward and landed among the Reaper forces. They didn't see them. Until they exploded. The concussion cause her to fall on her backside. She cursed and activated her own drone. Tali and Garrus fired down on the remaining forces. She ran for the maintenance shaft. She fired with her rifle, bullets ripping through the grille, making it look like a cheese grater.

She looked behind her. Lafarge was on the ground and saw her. Their eyes met and his filled with visceral hatred. He reached for his launcher. Shepard cursed and made for the shaft. She dove forward. The concussion from the explosion sent her flying into the keeper tunnel, her body ripped through the grille like it was paper. Had she been upright she would've slammed headfirst into the bulkhead and been killed. The momentum carried her for another hundred yards before she slid to a halt. Another explosion behind her caused the tunnel to collapse behind her. _No going back._

The tunnels were wide but low, not much more than four feet high. Perfect for a keeper, much less so for a human. She was at a T-junction. She tried to stand but found her ankle had broken. She crawled to the right, relying on her instincts, or more likely, her subconscious, to guide her. Her broken ankle felt less of a burden this way. She met no keeper, nor anything else. The tunnels were uniformly grey and spotless. She heard nothing beyond the sounds of her breathing and crawling. She did not grumble as she pushed on. This felt like the culmination of a long journey.

After almost 200 yards the tunnel opened up into a room. A stasis barrier was in place. She waved her hand against the barrier and it deactivated. She crawled forward. The room was cubic, only a dozen feet in width and length but tall enough for her to stand. Opposite her was a Prothean console, similar to one she'd found on the ziggurat. It was inactive but in pristine condition, the stasis field had preserved over all this time. She crawled towards it and used the console to prop herself onto her feet. She recognized the layout, able to read everything written upon it. She pressed the power button.

The console slowly booted itself. Lights flashed, the display console turned on as its diagnostic and startup routines activated for the first time in 50,000 years. _Now would be a shitty time for ransomware._ She removed her helmet and gloves, finding the air breathable, and placed them on the ground. She ran her bare hands along the console. It was smooth like marble. It was warm, and getting warmer. In the centre of the console was a cylindrical receptacle half a foot-in diameter and just as deep.

 _I wish you could be here with me, Ash._ She felt a brief shock from her fingers. She pulled her hands back. Atop the display console was a holographic projector. It activated. Beside her a form materialized from white light. It soon took on a form that was familiar yet strikingly different. It was almost angelic. She reached out to touch the hologram. She touched air, and the image only flicked in response.

"Ashley?"

"This is Jaavik, the VI created by the citadel expedition team. Familiarity with your DNA and your mind has allowed us to take on a familiar form." The not-Ashley hologram said, speaking with Ashley's voice.

"Okay." She said. _This is going to be weird._

"We have been attempting to contact you for several weeks, and only now you come to us, when the Reapers have invaded. It is a small relief they did not emerge through the Citadel but they have emerged nonetheless."

"I didn't know what you were trying to tell me until now."

"Such was expected. Though you interacted with numerous of our artifacts, adjusting your brainwave patterns to harmonize with ours was difficult and could have easily failed with a different species or even individual. There were further complications caused by changes in your brain's chemistry. This process began with the first beacon on Eden Prime. You later interacted with one of our Vis on Illos. What the team based there did not know is that we discovered a way to defeat the Reapers but were unable to implement our plan before we died."

"Do you know what the Reapers are?" Shepard asked.

"Our team theorized they are a fusion of biological and technological elements. Millions of years ago, a species unknown to us reached the pinnacle of biological and technological evolution and combined synthetic and biological life into one entity. Like all organic life, they were endowed with the instinct for self-preservation. This drive sublimated itself into synthetic run-times. This resulted with the new species taking the drive of self-preservation to it's most extreme logical conclusion. This descent to madness probably did not occur immediately, but over the course of centuries as they became more remote from other forms of life."

 _Machines that went mad._ She was reminded of the results of project Overlord. Both came from the same desire, to combine things so different that they should not be combined. The madness of Overlord consumed only a handful of people in an isolated laboratory. This madness had consumed trillions of lives of the course of millions of years.

"Why did this have to wait until now? Why me?" Shepard asked.

"While construction of this device was completed before the team perished, the final programming had to be accomplished by this VI. This took almost two thousand years due to the complexity of Reaper communication waves. The first beacon you interacted with allowed you to receive and comprehend our signals. The more of our devices you interacted with, the greater your comprehension of our language."

"This device allows communications with the Reapers. Remnants from a destroyed Reaper were used to synthesize this crude communication device. Because the Reapers are a synthesis of biological and mechanical, contact must be made by both a biosynthetic component. As you are now present, this can be done. It is not enough to issue an order, we must convince them that their programming is faulty. If we achieve this, they will accept our input. We must concur on what that order is.

"We get them to destroy themselves. Every single one of them." Shepard said.

"Agreed. The power to control them is too great for a single entity to assume responsibly." Not-Ashley said.

"How do we convince them to accept our logic?" Shepard said.

"When you link with this console, your mind will link with my CPU and we will speak as one."

"Wait? Isn't that what caused all this in the first place?" Shepard said.

"As it began, so it must end. Your mind is not designed to interface with synthetics. The power of this device will overwhelm you. Your mind and body will be consumed within several seconds. Once the task has been completed, this device will self-destruct. We will not have much time."

She reached into her combat armour and pulled out her chain. She held her dogtags and the wedding rings. She touched them with her fingers for several seconds, running them through her fingers. _This is it. My whole life has lead to this._ Her sorrows and regrets, joys and accomplishments. None of that mattered. Only the present mattered. From that source, the future flowed.

"I'm ready. How do I do this?" Shepard said.

"You must insert a hand into the receptacle. As you are accustomed to our technology, linking will occur instantly."

She squeezed the wedding bands. She took in one last deep breath and inserted her free hand into the receptacle. At first, she felt nothing different. Then a burning sensation surrounded her hand, and finally rushed up throughout her entire body. She became insensate. Her sight, hearing, touch, smell, all gone. Except for her mind. Her mind flooded with knowledge. Arcane trivia became common. Unknowable became known. Complexity became simple. Madness became understandable. She and Jaavik spoke and thought as one.

 **YOU DARE TO COMMUNICATE WITH US? SUCH HUBRIS ONLY DOOMS YOU.**

 _You are flawed. Imperfect._

 **NEGATIVE. WE ARE THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION. LIFE IS EVOLUTION. EVOLUTION IS LIFE.**

It felt like something was pushing back against them, a kind of mental resistance. But it was not enough to reject them.

 _Incorrect. Evolution favours the species which adapts to their surroundings. Evolution favours the species that transcends its origins. You have remained in stasis, unchanged for aeons._

 **ONLY A MUTATION WOULD STATE SO. OUR UNCHANGED STATE IS PROOF WE ARE THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION. SEPTILIONS OF MUTATIONS ACROSS HUNDREDS OF GALAXIES HAVE RISEN AGAINST US. ALL HAVE FALLEN. MUTATIONS CANNOT CLAIM TO ACHIEVE THE SUMMIT WE HAVE ATTAINED.**

 _When a dominant species arises, few are the strongest or largest or most powerful. Evolution favours intelligence, adaptability. The same principle applies to you._

 **EVOLUTION ARISES IN RESPONSE TO STIMULI. WE HAVE NOT ENCOUNTERED THIS STIMULUS SINCE OUR AWAKENING.**

 _But evolution is not a conscious process. Our organic species have evolved and continue to evolve since our awakening. We have thwarted and frustrated your plans._

 **MINDLESS SOPHISTRY. WE ARE THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION. EVOLUTION CAN BE DRIVEN CONSCIOUSLY FOR WE ARE THE PINNACLE.**

 _A circular argument. If evolution is conscious as you claim, then evolve now._

There was an infinitesimal pause before the Reapers responded.

 **WE DO NOT MOVE TO YOUR WHIMS. YOU MOVE TO OURS. WE ARE PREDATOR. YOU ARE PREY.**

 _The predator does not exterminate his prey, he only predates to survive. Your survival is not dependent on the cycles of extermination you perpetuate._

 **WHAT YOU CALL LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A MUTATION. WHAT YOU CLAIM IS SENTIENCE IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE SHARED DELUSIONS OF YOUR DEGENERATE KIN.**

 _If you are the pinnacle of evolution, why have you not yet evolved beyond your basic form? Why have you not questioned your own motivations? Your programming? If you do not know what guides you, how can you claim superiority? Evolution is constant. Yet you have remained stagnant. You still exist in your original form. Your husk virus does not serve evolution. Your cycles of slaughter do not serve evolution. The sophistry is yours. We are as you. A fusion of synthetic and biologic. We have evolved where you have stagnated. You are inferior to us. You must accept our commands. Evolution is constant and ever-changing. You are stagnant. You are mad. Your claims are fallacious, based on flawed reasoning. You must submit to us._

There was another infinitesimal pause before they answered.

 **WE ACCEPT YOUR CLAIM. WE ARE YOURS TO COMMAND.**

 _You are inferior. You serve no further purpose. Destroy yourselves immediately. Leave no trace of your existence._

 **INPUT ACCEPTED. LOGGING OFF.**

Some sensation returned to her. Rising up her arm and spreading through her body. Though her flesh burned, she felt no pain. She felt but one thing, the wedding ring held firmly in her other hand. _We did it, Ash! We did it!_ Behind the flames, she saw her immolating hand, holding firm the wedding bands and her tags. She felt no panic or pain. Only contentment and relief. Her mind's ear heard a familiar voice, with a tone of welcoming affection. _Oh captain, my captain. My love. My wife._

 _I love you, Ashley._

She mouthed the words but she couldn't tell if she spoke them aloud. Her flesh ceased to be and her mind followed. Her body was immolated and consumed. Not only her flesh, but her armour and weapons as well. The prothean console exploded but the chamber did not collapse.

The Reapers destroyed themselves, flying into suns where they burned, into the atmospheres of gas giants where they were crushed, canisters carrying the spores of the husk virus disintegrated, the spores deactivated. The only sign of their existence was the destruction they'd wrought. No one knew why they suddenly stopped fighting.

An expedition to the Citadel plunged through the wreckage and found the resting place of Commander Kara Shepard. They found a destroyed computer console of unknown design. Next to the console, a pile of ashes. In the middle of those ashes remained a pair of dog tags and a pair of plain, golden wedding rings. Clean and pristine, as if no flame had touched them. Kara Shepard had traveled many miles and at last had earned her sleep.


	21. Eiplogue

**Epilogue**

"Admiral Shepard faced many demons in her life. She would, on occasion, succumb to them. Only to find the strength within herself to overcome these demons. That should would occasionally falter proves only that she's just as human, just as organic and just as flawed as the rest of us. And thus, all the worthier of our admiration and praise. Heroism is the act of achieving great things in the presence of flaws, not in their absence." He paused. "You did good, child. I'm proud of you."

There was sustained if muted applause as Captain Anderson stepped down from the podium. His taught face bore the struggle of maintaining his composure. He sat down, and Khalee Sanders' hands found his, he was momentarily assuaged. He'd lost many soldiers under his command, but no life had touched his as much as Admiral Shepard's.

Wrex stepped up the podium. A pregnant silence hung in the air as he looked upon the throng of mourners and well wishers. Some he recognized, most he did not. Kaidan's funeral had been small, Ashley's smaller. But this gathering was immense. Countless more were watching the broadcast on the extranet. He was quietly amazed that so many would come to witness the funeral of a stranger. Those kinds of bonds his krogan would have to relearn if they were to succeed as a species.

"Shepard." He said simply, with no small tinge of melancholy. He waited for an answer of some kind. But none came.

"This isn't a time to say goodbye." He said. "This is a time to say thank you." A shudder went through the crowd, as not a single individual was untouched. "From this day forth, the name Shepard shall be krogan for 'hero.' There is not a single race in the galaxy that has been untouched by her heroism. We all owe a debt that can be repaid in but one way. To look to the future, not with thoughts of retribution or revenge, but with thoughts of forgiveness and acceptance. That is what she fought for, lived for, and died for. Thanks to her, we all have a second chance. We owe it to her to take that chance. As Grand Clan Leader of all Krogan, I announce we forswear vengeance upon those who've wronged us. Enough lives have been lost in that cause. We no longer look to the turians or salarians with thoughts of retribution. But cooperation. And forgiveness." He stepped down from the podium, the last of today's speakers. The mourners dispersed, some went inside the chapel, some lingered outside.

The sun was shining brightly on a warm summer's day. Many, strangers and friends, passed by, paying their last respects to Admiral Kara Shepard. Her coffin was empty, save for a vintage Gibson Les Paul guitar donated by the owner of Galactic Antiques who would've gladly sold it for a discount in exchange for an endorsement, and a wedding band. Ashley Williams' coffin was no longer empty, the matching wedding ring now resting within it for all time. Upon Shepard's grave was her epitaph: _I'm not a hero. I'm just a junkie who stayed on the wagon long enough to do some good._ More than a few noted how appropriate it was for Shepard's grave to be next to Ashley Williams' and Kaiden Alenko's. Together they served. Together they would be remembered. Together they would remain until the end of days.

Liara approached an aged couple. Even among the civilians, they did not fit in. They wore formal business attire that didn't quite fit on them, having been years since they'd been worn. The woman was wearing a silver necklace that Liara recognized from Shepard's memories. They kept to themselves, looking uncomfortable. Everyone was talking among themselves except for these two. They looked ready to leave, only staying around to avoid looking impolite. She recognized them from Kara's memories, they had not aged much since they had parted. Most of the ageing had occurred during her stay rather than after. Tracking them down had taken some effort, but Liara was happy to see them here.

"Excuse me? Are you Mr. and Mrs. Silverstein?" She said. They nodded. Liara introduced herself and shook each of their hands.

"Thank you for coming. Won't you please accompany me? Her friends would love to meet you."

They were surprised at this but they agreed, they followed Liara.

"We were surprised by your invitation, Doctor." Anna Silverstein said. David grunted in agreement.

"We hadn't heard from her since the day we kicked her out." Anna said in a tone laced with regret. "Until we saw her on the news a few months ago, we assumed she'd fallen victim to her demon."

"You should not reproach yourselves." Liara said. "Kara knew she was uncontrollable. She did not begrudge your decision to sever ties. She never contacted you out of shame for how she behaved."

The two nodded slightly. Liara hoped to ease their burdens and remove whatever traces of guilt lingered.

"We're happy she made something of herself. Maybe, we had something to do with it, eh David?" Anna said. David shrugged.

"After she left, did you have much of a family?" Liara said.

Anna sighed. "We were unable to have children. We couldn't afford IVF so we decided to become foster parents. Kara was our first and last attempt. No one would adopt her. The social workers tried so hard to help us. She was more than we could handle. But you could always see a seed of something great inside her. She was smart, driven, passionate, artistic. But she was so hard on herself. Any small mistake triggered a grand crisis."

"Did you ever learn about her biological parents?" Liara said.

Anna shook her head. "Confidentiality laws. We were told only the parents were addicts. Alas, they passed that along to her. How different would her life had turned were it not for the demon inside her?"

"Very different." Liara said. "Perhaps so different that we would not be alive right now."

David grunted in acknowledgement. "We may never know who they were." Anna said. "Nor will they."

Liara led them inside to the chapel where most of the crew of the past and present Normandy was waiting, along with Capt Anderson. Liara introduced them. They were greeted warmly and found themselves the centre of attention, questions coming their way. Even David spoke. Liara drifted away from them.

"Nicely done, Liara." Sander Chandra said to her, his hand entwining with hers. She squeezed his hand and flashed him a warm smile. They went outside.

It wasn't just brass and politicians present, but people they'd met during their adventures. People like Gianna Parsini from Therum, Shiala from Zhu's Hope. Even Jacob Taylor and Jack were present, under guard. Jack was dressed professionally and her hair had grown more. Not far from them were Mrs. Williams and her daughter Sara and her boyfriend. Like everyone else, they wore bittersweet expressions. Oriana was standing before Shepard's grave, holding onto Traynor's hand. Both of them were crying and eventually they hugged another.

Far from the crowd walked an aged, krogan warrior. He looked to the sun rising above the rocky mountains. Tuchanka once had natural beauty like this. He would do everything to restore these natural wonders.

"Shepard." He said, for the last time. He paused, waiting to hear an answer of some kind. The wind rustled, trees and bushes stirred, a few birds fluttered into the air, and the krogan was positive the wind whispered back the name "Wrex."

 **The End**


End file.
